How to navigate Christmas with your situtationship, according to a dating coach

Get clear on what you want 

It’s a time for food, fun and unsolicited questions about your love life. So we asked dating coach Sera Bozza how to survive the holidays with both your relationship status (and sanity) intact.

Ah, the holidays. It’s an emotionally charged time of year for even the most committed couple, let alone for those of us who hit this high-stakes emotional minefield in an undefined, label-less situationship – whether that’s a friends-with-benefits set-up, a casual ‘thing’ or a not-fully-romantic scenario that you think could turn into the real deal.

Nothing will drive you crazier at Christmas than putting Hallmark-level expectations on your relationship, then being disappointed when it doesn’t deliver. Holiday pressure can make you suddenly crave a fairytale upgradee you don’t actually want or need. And if the main character in your festive rom-com isn’t ready to commit, they’ll likely ghost you by New Year’s. 

So the first rule of the situationship holiday playbook? Do a quick gut check before diving into gifts or invites. If you’re feeling confused, that’s probably the root cause of any subsequent holiday stress. Ask yourself: “Am I actually OK with my ‘no strings’ status quo, or am I secretly hoping for a Christmas miracle to turn this official by December 31?” 

If you realise you’re indeed waiting for your own Miracle on 34th Street, take a beat before you have the ‘What are we?’ talk and ask yourself: is it social pressure? Loneliness? Or are the holiday vibes just making it feel like everything should mean more? 

Before looking through the lens of everyone else’s expectations, check if the expectations are actually your own. You’ll either want more (and brace for ‘the conversation’) or feel satisfied with how things are currently rolling. 

So get clear on what you want and remember, it’s December, not a cosmic relationship checkpoint. December 25 and 31 are just days in the calendar and, for sanity reasons, this is handy to remember when hanging out during the holidays. 

Doing multiple events together can blur the lines between casual and committed. Image: Pexels

Doing multiple events together can blur the lines between casual and committed, especially if it’s a significant jump on how many times you’d typically catch up. If your situationship scheduling frequency is once a week and plans are usually made last-minute, then stick to that rhythm. 

Plus, if your ecosystem doesn’t include friends or family, a sudden big-ticket invite or plus-one naturally feels like a huge deal. 

To avoid peak awkwardness, keep it light with an IRL conversation, starting with, “So, where do you think we’re at with holiday celebrations?” It gives you room to explore the concept together, as texting can create tone confusion. 

And if you do get the call-up, check how they plan to introduce you. Save yourself the face-drop of being introduced as “my friend” and hearing it echoed by aunts and miscellaneous relatives up and down the long dinner table (true story). 

Pick something individualistic they’ll use or enjoy solo, and avoid gifts that hint at future commitment. Image: iStock

Finally, don’t stress about gifts. A quick “Are we doing gifts?” spares both parties from the mortification of one of you showing up with an Apple Watch while the other brings an IOU coupon for ‘something fun’ (another true story). Hint: setting a small budget keeps things playful and low-key. 

Pick something individualistic they’ll use or enjoy solo, and avoid gifts that hint at future commitment, like gig tickets or a trip away. It can feel like the prelude to the ‘I’m catching feelings’ talk. 

A gift should be something you give freely with no expectations. While a non-high-pitched “thank you” is always welcome, if you expect the reaction to be a status upgrade, skip the grand gesture and have a conversation instead. 

One final word of holiday advice? Situationships should be fun. But unlike relationships, they’re rarely growing or reaching new milestones. 

So if the season has led to a light-bulb moment that you’re ready for something real – or at least something with a visible path forward – use this festive, fun-filled time to start fresh with a clean break and a clear head.

Originally published as How to navigate Christmas with your situtationship, according to a dating coach