Bestselling author Hugh Van Cuylenburg on time management, resilience and gratitude

How he juggles it all

The bestselling author and host of The Imperfects podcast on the importance of gratitude and the most impactful measures for a resilient life.

After witnessing happiness and peace on a life-changing trip to India, you created The Resilience Project to improve the mental health of Australians. What do you think are the biggest barriers between Aussies and finding happiness?

We all live off this model of happiness called the ‘if and when’ model. “If I buy this watch, then I’ll feel happy. If I get this promotion, then I’ll feel happy. If we buy this house, then we’ll feel happy.” There’s nothing wrong with wanting all those things. But where we go wrong is when we’re attaching happiness to them. In the community I lived in within India, they’re so good at just paying attention to what they already have to bring joy.

I’m talking about a river where they can go and get their fresh water from, and a shelter over their head. The kids are so happy to have a school uniform. I witnessed this community practising gratitude every single day. They were always having conversations about the things that they were truly grateful for.

In Australia, we think, “If I’m going to practise gratitude, I’m grateful for my family, I’m grateful for my friends, I’m grateful for my home.” All of these are things we should be grateful for, but you need to focus on the little stuff, as well: “I got a lovely text message from my sister this morning. I had a nice coffee with a friend today. I saw the sunrise.”

You do a lot of work with sporting organisations. Is there one aspect of resilience that you think resonates most with an elite athlete mindset?

Gratitude. I remember the first season I had with the Queensland State of Origin side. It was day one of camp, and there was a little bit of anxiety coming into it: “Will I be picked? Will I be picked to play a position I want? What’s the media saying about me?” I said to them, “Put your hand up if as a kid your dream was to play footy for Queensland.”

Every single hand went up, which was not really a huge surprise. And I said, “This is just a reminder that you’re living your dream, and not many people in the world can honestly say they’re living their dream.” The look on their faces was pure relief. It was the reminder they needed that there was a lot to be grateful for, as opposed to a lot to worry and stress about.

Social media is often demonised, but it can also be an effective tool for organisations like The Resilience Project to educate and connect with helpful messages. How do you strike a balance with social media?

I agree when people say it's responsible for the downfall of society. It's a balancing act and I think not many people are good at balancing. And it's not our fault, the technology has become so good. My algorithm on Instagram right now is so good, I can't not watch it. So I will go on Instagram Monday night, and then I delete it and just reinstall it when I want to use it the next Monday, but I don't have it just sitting there.

The Resilience Project founder Hugh van Cuylenburg on time management, resilience and gratitude.

You’re running a start-up, you’ve got the podcast and then you’ve also got your family. Do you have any hot tips for time management?

For way too long, I saw it as my job to fill every single hour of every single day, but I’ve learnt to be better at protecting my energy. An hour free in the calendar doesn’t need to be filled, and not doing anything is protecting your energy. I learnt this from Billy Slater. He says to his Origin players, “You only have one energy, and we want as much of that energy for the game. You can’t spend hours on social media. You can’t absolutely empty the tank at training.”

When I get home, I aim to be as present as possible, which means not being on my phone. I try to use time in my car between work and home to be as productive as I can. I drive a Mazda CX-90 and I can work all the way home just by using my voice and Siri. Then when I get home, I’m not thinking about the day. It’s all been done. As a parent of three, that’s an absolute blessing.

Originally published as Bestselling author Hugh Van Cuylenburg on time management, resilience and gratitude