“Do you need some help with that?” were the first words I ever spoke to my ex, which sounded a lot like a polite offer you’d make at the supermarket. Except he was naked and pressed up against a wall while a girl was on her knees in front of him. 

“You better ask her,” he replied beaming, nodding to the woman below, before she eagerly invited me down to her level to join in the fun.  

And that’s how I met my last boyfriend – at a Sydney sex club while he was getting blown. 

The new way to meet people

As far as meet-cutes go, it was definitely up there as one of the most memorable, but since then it hasn’t been the only one of its kind. On a follow up trip to Allure, an invite-only play party designed to “explore your inner desires and live out your fantasies”, I met my next date. 

I was in red lace lingerie and he was shirtless when we crossed paths in a crowded room. The party’s host, sex club Our Secret Spot, describes it as a “four-bedded orgy room” and it didn’t take us long to get involved.  

We went on to date a few times after that, with romantic meals here and there, while I continued to see the first guy on and off over six months. And while I’m no longer with the latter, I can’t stop thinking about how it was the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. And whether sex clubs are the new dating apps. 

5 reasons why you should meet your next partner at a sex club

“We met at a random bar in the inner west” is what I would tell anyone who asked how I met my ex. And while I would then try to quickly move the conversation on, there was always the same reaction. 

“OH MY GOD, you met someone IRL?!” they’d quiz me, astounded at such a feat. And as a single girlie who’s spent a good part of the last eight years plowing through dating apps, I’d also secretly glow with pride. Because no matter what kind of bar it was, it was still more wholesome and meaningful than swiping right on a profile. 

And it wasn’t just our intros that were a step above digital dating. Both my situationships were filled with so many positives that I’m here to tell you why you need to put down the apps and go looking for your next partner at a sex party.

#1. They’ll be more open and honest about what they want in a relationship

While I’d come across my soon-to-be-new-lover in a compromising position, I’d actually come to the swingers club with my own date. Confusing, right? But this just meant that we fast-forwarded to the conversation about where we were in life and what we wanted. There was no bullsh*tting or tiptoeing around or having to break the ice about our needs, and we were able to have open and honest discussions around what being together could look like.

#2. They’ll be more into doing things differently

When you first meet your partner while another woman is going down on him, it’s safe to say that tradition isn’t for him. My ex had previously been in an open relationship – which is how he wound up in this scene initially – so he understood better than anyone when I said that I wanted to keep things non-monogamous. And I felt so much freedom in being able to co-create the relationship that I’d always dreamed of.

#3. They’ll be great at communicating

If there is one lesson you should learn before entering a sex club it’s that communication is everything. From flirting over drinks and suggesting a trip to the playroom to securing consent and checking in with your partner to make sure they’re enjoying themselves, in the world of sex parties and swingers clubs, communication is key. This meant that my dates and I never had any trouble expressing ourselves or how we were feeling, which brought with it a whole new sense of peace and ease that I’d never experienced before. I felt comfortable and safe to talk to them whenever I needed to. 

#4. They’ll be were more confident in the bedroom 

That’s the thing about meeting at a sex club. After doing it in public you’re less likely to feel nervous under the sheets, which meant that none of us had any qualms about asking for what we needed, and there is nothing hotter than when someone knows exactly what they want and goes after it. Or when they’re up for exploring new fantasies and experimenting with kinks. While to totally toot their own horns, as no doubt you expected, both of my dates were absolutely fantastic in the bedroom.

#5. They’ll be were more emotionally mature

To be able to walk into a sex club, you kind of need to have your feelings in check, and my dates had them in spades. For the first time, I was dealing with emotionally advanced males who saw me in a way that I’d never been seen before, and treated my feelings, needs and boundaries with such respect and kindness. 

I might be single once again, but I think I’ll be giving the apps a miss. And maybe booking my ticket to the next play party.