AFL great Neale Daniher’s wife and daughters his female front line as he continues to tackle toughest battle of his life
Neale Daniher is rightly applauded for his positive outlook on his MND diagnosis. But his daughters say their mum Jan is the “force to be reckoned with” when it comes to keeping the family focused on what is important.
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Little Cooper Anthony Daniher gazes up at his grandpa. The two-month-old is happily nestled in the lap of AFL great Neale Daniher.
Motor neurone disease has diminished the strength of the first-time grandparent’s arms so he can’t hold the precious baby, but Cooper doesn’t mind.
He’s a little ray of sunshine for Daniher, 58, who was diagnosed with MND six years ago.
Family is everything for the former Aussie rules star footballer and coach from Ungarie in central NSW.
The third of Edna and the late Jim’s 11 children played 82 games for Essendon, and in 1990, made history when he took the field with siblings Terry, Anthony and Chris as the first quartet of brothers to play for the same team in the same game.
Daniher’s own tribe is tight-knit. There’s Jan, his wife of 34 years, and children Lauren, 33, Luke, 30, Bec, 28, and Ben, 25.
Cooper, Luke’s son, will have a playmate in September, when Lauren’s first child is due.
“Originally, we thought he may not even see any of his children get married so to see three of them marry and have one grandchild and another on the way has been a blessing for Neale because family is so important to him,’’ Jan says.
“He’s now worked out how to rock Cooper. He puts him on his leg and rocks him back
and forth, which is what he used to do with our kids. He can’t hold him but he can rock him. It’s gorgeous.”
When Weekend visits the family, Daniher is beaming and in his element, surrounded by his girls in the garden of their Canterbury home.
The trio has teamed up with a committee the past two years to host a ladies’ lunch. The March event raised more than $100,000 for Fight MND.
While the champagne flowed, its volume was surpassed by the generosity of the 400 women in the room.
Five years ago, the sisters and Bec’s husband, Drew, hatched the idea of blue beanies for the first Big Freeze event at the Queen’s Birthday AFL match between Melbourne and Collingwood.
They sold like hot cakes and are set to sell out again ahead of Monday’s fifth running of the Big Freeze event.
“As it (the illness) gets worse, it gets a lot harder, harder for Neale and harder for our family, but we stick together and help each other out,” Jan says.
“I’m lucky I’ve got great kids and family around to help when I ask for it and great carers who help Neale when I’m at work.
“Through this we’ve all worked very hard together. For some of the kids, it took a bit longer to get their heads around, but they are all doing their bit and have been amazing.”
Bec is often asked about her dad and “how long he’s got”. But the family is focused on the present.
“It’s a battle he most likely won’t be winning,” she says.
“I can’t dwell on that and it’s not something we as a family dwell on.
“We focus on what we have right now and the fight against MND, rather than the beast and the big impact it’s had on our lives. We just have to make sure we stay positive as a family and that’s what I always remind myself.”
Lauren calls her parents an inspiration, saying, “They’re pretty stubborn, they don’t ask for help or want to burden us”.
“They’ve taken the lead and we’ve followed, they’ve been great role models for us,” she says. “When you face a certain struggle, it shows true colours and it’s really highlighted their resilience and determination.
“So, if Dad can get up every morning with a positive attitude, then we can’t complain.
“Everyone talks about Dad, but Mum is a force to be reckoned with, too. The way she’s cared for Dad over the last five years, got on with things, like he has — they share the same ‘play-on’ attitude to life.
“She’s always stayed so positive and I know she does to help us kids. She never complains and just gets on with it. Dad has been able to achieve a lot throughFight MND and Mum has been by his side the whole way.”
JAN DANIHER — WIFE
Since meeting at a 21st birthday party near Horsham in 1982, Neale’s disposition has never changed through life, football or illness, according to wife Jan.
A strong work ethic, positive attitude and good humour are qualities he possessed as a footballer cruelled by three knee reconstructions,later coaching Melbourne to a grand final in 2000 and now facing his biggest challenge of all.
“I haven’t met a stronger person than Neale,” Jan says. “When I think about how he must be feeling, how difficult things aregetting, he never really lets on. Sometimes he gets frustrated and I would too.
“He’s just so determined and wants to keep living life as full as he can and take each day as it comes, like the old footycliche. He’s lasted a lot longer than we thought he would. When he was diagnosed in May 2013, they thought he might have 20 months.
“Neale’s humour helps the whole family. He’ll find a funny story from during his day or week and we’ll all be in stitches. He’s very quick.
“Today, he still enjoys himself and much prefers laughing than crying.”
A talented netballer, Jan played on Saturdays when Neale was in action in the then VFL.
“The netballers used to think the footballers thought they were pretty good, so when I got talking to Neale, he was differentto what I thought he’d be,” she says. “Even back then he was a very strong character, really family orientated, which I liked, and lots of fun. He’s always been able to make me laugh.”
His coaching journey included assistant roles at Essendon then Fremantle, the main gig at the Demons, then back to Perthto work with West Coast.
Jan describes Neale’s diagnosis as devastating, but the couple quickly focused on controlling the controllables.
“We were very shocked and it took a long time to come to terms with,’’ she says.
“And it never gets any easier watching what’s happening to Neale and how he’sstruggling along trying to do everything he’s doing and still working really hard with the foundation, but it gives him a lot of purpose.”
LAUREN DANIHER — DAUGHTER
Lauren Daniher will forever cherish May 21, 2016 — the day she married her partner Mick and dad Neale walked her down theaisle.
That trip to the altar just went a bit quicker than she expected.
“It was like a race. Dad was powering down the aisle, he was so excited. I was trying to keep up,’’ she laughs. “He got up and had a dance with me at the reception. He doesn’t mind a boogie on the d-floor.
“Being able to walk me down the aisle was a special moment because we both didn’t know if that would happen.
“Then getting to tell him I’m pregnant with my first child was special as well. It makes you appreciate those special moments because we’ve got to make the most of the time we do have with him.”
When Lauren announced her pregnancy, Neale’s wit came into play.
“Dad doesn’t show a lot, but he asked when the baby was due. I said, ‘September’ and he’s said, ‘Oh good, that won’t interferewith the (Fight MND) charity drive’.”
Before her dad’s diagnosis, Lauren had seen the effects of MND in her job as a nurse.
“Prior to working in emergency, I was in the respiratory ward and looked after people with MND before Dad was diagnosed, so I’d seen first-hand how the diseasetakes away so many things you take for granted,’’ she says.
“He’s still able to walk around and can maintain his independence in a lot of ways. He can go for a walk with the dog.
“It’s mainly his upper body, speech and breathing that’s affected.
“I recently watched a video from the very first time he addressed the Melbourne playing group in 2015. Then hearing him speaknow, I think because I see him all the time I don’t notice the deterioration, but there’s been quite a significant change.
“But he can still speak, he’s still able to enjoy a red. Dad said he’s not wasting his time with crap red wine any more. Life’s too short.”
BEC DANIHER — DAUGHTER
An accountant, Bec Daniher has dedicated her life to helping fund medical trials and finding a cure for MND. It began withthose trademark beanies and now she is Fight MND’s campaign manager.
“After Dad’s diagnosis, priorities shifted and I wanted to do as much as I could to help the fight,” Bec says. “When a familymember is given this diagnosis, and told there’s nothing you can do, it’s really difficult.
“The beanies and my work with the foundation is our way of fighting back and trying to help Dad in any capacity possible.Fight MND was a voluntary organisation, but as we grew, we knew we had to get more people involved.
“When the first paid position came up, I jumped at it, applied straight away and was lucky they accepted me.
“I’ve got the best role model. Watching how Dad took up the fight has really empowered us to help. He’s always stayed so positiveand has a lot of purpose behind him with Fight MND, so we just had to find a way we could get involved as a family.
“We had the idea about the beanies, asked the board and got approval for 5000. Even Dad didn’t think it was going to take off as much as it did. We sold 33,000 beanies in that first year.
“We were all working full-time and trying to do it after hours. We used Mum and Dad’s lounge room as our headquarters andwe’d stay up until 3am unpacking beanies and handwriting all the envelopes.
“Now we have 700 volunteers who help us pack, send and sell the beanies and we’re going to sell out again this year.
“Because of the incredible generosity of the Australian public, clinical trials and research projects have been funded. It’s pretty incredible to see the changes in the medical field now.”
Neale’s illness has changed the way Bec approaches life.
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“It’s really drawn us together,” she says.
“We have plenty of wines together. Family is the most important thing for us.
“Dad’s drive and determination is unequalled by anyone. He’s so focused on what he can control, which is raising money for MND and not what he can’t control. His ability to find opportunity in the darkest of days, that’s one thing he’s taught me.”
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