With multiple speeds, escalating intensities and the ability to get yourself off with the touch of a button, it’s easy to see how sex toys can become your go-to. 

Whether they’re teeny tiny silver bullets, or great big thumping dildos, reaching for a vibrator at the end of day is often second nature. 

But is an over-dependence on an electrical device designed for vaginal stimulation a bad thing? 

“The addictive question is the thing that comes up a bit and the official agreement is that vibrators can’t be addictive,” Bonnie Bliss, a somatic sexologist & pleasure educator, tells Body+Soul. 

“But our pleasure pathways can get used to experiencing pleasure in certain ways.” 

So if you only ever experience pleasure with a certain focus – in other words, “jam the same vibrator on the same part of your body” until you orgasm – you could be doing yourself a massive disservice. 

“Over time, it creates a repetitive pattern and that pleasure pathway can become really strongly reinforced” Bliss says. 

“Which means that if you’re with a partner and they’re pleasuring you in a different way and you’re not used to that, you may find it harder to orgasm because you’re used to using the same toy in the same location.” 

The disassociation with your body

Becoming fixated on only orgasming in the same way with the same toy, can over time create a sense of disconnection from your body because you’re not meeting your body where you are in the moment. 

“You're not like, ‘Hey, how does my body want to be touched? How do I want to explore myself today?’,” explains Bliss. 

“You're like, ‘Right, I'm just going to have a quick orgasm doing the one thing that I know is going to work’.”

She adds that not being fully present in your body in the moment comes at your own detriment, 

“It can create this goal orientation that gets you the orgasm but, over time, that type of orgasm is probably not going to be deeply fulfilling if it just feels the same every time.”

So, how do you snap out of it? 

Firstly, let’s be clear: sex toys are not the bad guys., 

“It’s not that toys are bad at all,” Bliss argues. “It’s more about mixing things up.” 

Here are the somatic sexologist’s five top tips for shaking up your sex toy sexcapades.

#1. Don’t go straight for Big O

Bliss’ first top tip is to take your eyes off the prize and simply enjoy the journey, instead of racing ahead to the grand final. 

“If you are used to always going straight for a goal and using the same toy in the same way, you can play around with preparing yourself by not going straight to the genitals,” she explains.

“Touch your whole body, touch your genitals in different ways, and bring in an attitude of exploration and curiosity, rather than going for the same goal, and all of these things will help to expand your pleasure pathways and give you lots of different options.” 

#2. Mix up your toy box

“It’s fine to have favourites or preferences with toys, and sometimes you just want the familiar, easy thing that feels good, but –” and this is a big but according to Bliss, “– it is differentiating between, ‘Do I just want a quick orgasm?’. 

“Or, ‘Am I open, even though it might feel a little unfamiliar, to create an experience of exploration and curiosity for myself where I get to play with different things and maybe because I play with different things I discover a whole different type of pleasure that I’ve never felt before and that wouldn’t have happened if I just used the same toy in the same way.” 

Did someone say out of this world orgasms? We think so! 

“There's something to be said about mixing it up,” Bliss says. 

“And not just with toys, but different ways of relating with your body with touch and strokes and areas that you're touching and speed and pressure and angles and all that stuff!”

#3. Get off at different times of day 

For many, solo fun can become part of their daily routine. 

“I previously had a pattern of always masturbating at night, almost like it was a sleeping pill,” Bliss explains. 

“It was like, ‘I'm exhausted, I've had a massive day, but, sure, I’d love a quick orgasm to put myself to sleep’. 

Which is totally fine, most of the time, except if it becomes a problem. As in you can’t fall asleep without it. 

And then there’s the fact that you might be selling yourself short.  

“If that's the only way you ever self pleasure, then you're missing out on having a more exploratory experience when you might have more energy and when you're not exhausted from the day,” says Bliss. 

So maybe partake in some afternoon delight instead, and create a really new sensation.

#4. Take it out of the bedroom 

It’s not just the time of day that Bliss wants you to shake up, but location as well.  

“Of course it’s going to depend on your living situation, but I think there's something to be said for not always self pleasuring in bed,” Bliss says. 

“You could even self pleasure in the sunshine, if you have the option to do that, which can be really lovely.” 

#5. Slow it down

The most important thing to remember is that it’s not a race, and for good reason. 

“I think that when we slow it down, we open ourselves to more sensitivity in the body,” explains Bliss. “More aliveness, more pleasure, more whole body pleasure and pleasure in different ways that builds.”

Like edging, which is when you tease and tantalise the genitals until you almost climax before pulling back.

“I know that I can jam a device on my clit and I can probably have an orgasm in two minutes, but I know that if I take my time and I explore, go slower, build up and play with that sexual energy, the orgasm that I have is going to be more fulfilling because I'm present in my body and the whole experience of self pleasure, rather than disconnecting and just going for the goal.” 

So, what are you waiting for?