A stepmum has been slammed for not giving her stepdaughter a birthday cake

"She accused me of fat-shaming her and her daughter and that I owe her a cake and a big apology," the stepmum shared. 

Being a stepmum can be a challenging role to play in a child's life. 

It requires a lot of patience, understanding and love. And sometimes, it can be difficult to navigate the boundaries between being a parent figure and overstepping your mark.

Recently, a stepmum posted to the Am I the A**hole forum, seeking advice on whether or not she was in the wrong for encouraging her stepdaughter to not have a birthday cake.

Her defence? She wanted the soon-to-be six-year-old to make a "healthier choice."

The post quickly went viral, sparking a heated debate about the stepmum's actions and whether or not she was fat-shaming the kid.

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The step mum wanted her stepdaughter to make a healthier choice on her birthday. Image: IStock

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"She is about 10kg heavier than a 5-year-old girl is supposed to be"

In the post, the stepmum explained that she has been helping to raise her husband's daughter, "Gwen", (six)  from a previous relationship. She also has two boys of her own (eight and 10.)

"We are a healthful household and we teach moderation and controlling how much we take when we have treats. We are also very active and every day strive to get the boys moving," she explained.

The woman continued, "Gwen is only here two weekends a month, and her mother has the exact opposite attitude. In all honesty, that woman's blood type is probably ketchup. Similarly, Gwen is about 10kg heavier than a 5-year-old girl is supposed to be."

So in the little time that Gwen is with the family, she tries to impart her own values around food and exercise to her.

"It makes me sad for this child and her health so when we get her I try to teach Gwen about healthy eating and moving around. We have the boys play with her so she's getting active and we make a distinction between foods that are healthy and ones that aren't.

"When I see one of the kids reaching for a 'treat' food in the pantry I'll ask 'Would you like to make a healthier choice?' And Gwen is really getting it, she's always going for better choices now and is also asking for fruit at home which is really good."

Now we get to the main issue...

Gwen's birthday was coming up and it ended up falling on one of the weekends with her dad and stepmum.

"While we were talking about what kind of cake to have, I asked Gwen about the healthier choice. My reasoning is unfortunately she's still getting all that garbage at home, and it's just not good for a growing girl.

"She agreed and we decided to have some low-fat ice cream so she can still have a sweet treat. It's a brand Gwen loves and asks for every time she's here, so she was happy with it."

Or so she says she was... 

The next day the poster received a call from Gwen's mum who was "furious."

"She said when Gwen got home and she asked about her birthday with us and her cake, Gwen started crying because she really did want cake but didn’t want to 'make a bad choice.' She accused me of fat-shaming her and her daughter and that I owe her a cake and a big apology."

The stepmum insists that she was just looking out for the health of a child in her care.

"I never said Gwen couldn't have cake and she could have had one if she said she wanted one. I suggested sticking to ice cream because I care. But did I go about it in an a**hole way?"

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"She’s six. Give the child goddamn cake on her birthday"

5.2k people commented on the post sharing their thoughts.

Most people put her in the a**hole camp, writing things like:

"She’s six. Give the child goddamn cake on her birthday and then go for a family walk after. Also FYI, the good choice/ bad choice talk is just going to give her body image issues for the rest of her life."

"YTA. It was her birthday. You should’ve made her a cake. And furthermore, you’re setting her up for a restrictive eating disorder by policing all her food choices."

"Just based on OP’s attitude here, I’m worried this little girl is going to develop an ED by her pre-teens. I can absolutely understand why the mum was furious. Dad needs to step up and set some hard boundaries with his wife.

"This question, 'would you like to make a healthier choice', carries so much shaming it makes me feel horrible for the child."

And some people pointed out that the stepmum probably has an unhealthy relationship with food and her body and projects that onto the kids.

"You used guilt and shame to refuse her cake on her birthday. Her description of Gwen and her mother sucks. I am so sad for Gwen."

"You are manipulative. You're telling her she's wrong and choosing what YOU want to make YOU happy."

"If you think your stepkid's parent isn't making great dietary choices for their family, take it up with an adult, not the kid."

Originally published as A stepmum has been slammed for not giving her stepdaughter a birthday cake