They say relationships are hard work. But that’s never been the case for Stacie Garland and Tyrone Bell. 

“I remember when I was single thinking, ‘I can’t wait to have a relationship like we do today’,” 32-year-old Garland tells Body+Soul. “Because what we have is very much a partnership.” 

She says they both have “very big goals” for themselves, as well as with each other. 

“I guess what we both bring to the relationship is that we both want the best for each other, and there is so much love and respect. 

“And from the intimacy perspective as well, everything just clicks. So a lot of people say relationships are hard, and yes, we know they take work, but we’ve never found our relationship hard.”

Steps to happiness

Garland and Bell were friends for eight years before he slid into her DMs and the rest is history.  

Two years later, including one as long-distance lovers, the couple aren’t just happy – they’ve made a career out of improving the love lives of others. 

Garland, a relationships and intimacy coach, and Bell, a lifestyle and health coach, have designed their own academy called Under The Sheets, which helps couples enhance their sexual skills, confidence and intimacy.

But they say it’s these eight simple lessons that separate happy couples from those on the rocks. 

#1. They don’t take their relationship for granted 

Especially if they’ve said ‘I do’. 

“If you’re married, there can be this false sense of security of, ‘Oh, we’re married now, they’re stuck with me, they’re not going to leave, therefore I don’t need to put in as much effort’,” Garland says. Which is really not a good place to be in at all. 

“I think a lot of couples realise that nothing is a sure thing and they’re like, ‘Oh, you don't know how long you have this person for’,” the relationships expert explains. “So make sure that every day you give it the most you can.”

#2. They put things into perspective

“A lot of people will get so annoyed at their partner for doing small things, like leaving the dishes out or not putting something away, and it's these small things that then spark the fights,” Garland says. 

“Ty and I used to do long distance, so we know that feeling of wanting someone to be there so badly, so I often take myself back to that and remember how much I wanted him.” Which can be super helpful in the moment. 

“If we’re ever in a place where we’re having a disagreement, or something’s mildly annoying, I just think, ‘It’s really not that important’,” she says.

#3. They keep doing the nice things

Bell claims one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is getting too comfortable and giving up on acts of kindness.  

“If you keep the same outlook and attitude and continue to do the things you did or the practices or the nice habits you did before you were in that committed relationship, which weren’t an effort at the time, then your relationship is going to thrive continuously,” the 44-year-old explains. 

“Just keep doing the small things you did at the start of the relationship and continue those and don’t let them slip.” 

For example, Bell always did the cooking – “And two years later, I still do it,” he says. “Stace never expects it, and she always appreciates it.” 

#4. They focus on themselves 

You may have gone from uno to duo, but you’ve got to keep putting yourself first. 

“A lot of people will get into a relationship and kind of give up on their goals,” Garland explains, adding that all too often people become “complacent”.  

“Then if you're not focusing on your own development, and each person isn't focused on that, then it can kind of get a little bit stale and a lot of resentment can build from that.” 

That’s why it’s vital that you’ve got your own interests and own way of developing yourself, and that you support each other in doing that. 

“That creates a really positive partnership and it also gives you a lot of other things to talk about,” the relationships coach says. But most importantly, “you’re growing together”.

#5. They keep developing sexually 

“A lot of couples get into a habit of putting sex on the back burner or expecting intimacy to always just be there because they’re in a relationship,” Garland says. 

“But in relationships, and especially in long-term relationships, the exploration can fade and then you can get into a rut of just doing the same thing all the time.”

However, the intimacy coach says being in a long-term relationship is actually the perfect time to work on sexual exploration and development.

“Because you're with someone that you trust, you can be vulnerable, and there's a lot of mutual respect there,” she adds. 

It’s also a great opportunity to check in with your partner to make sure that you’re both satisfied in that area. 

#6. They always prioritise looking after themselves 

“What I mean by that is you want to give your best version to your partner, and that might be physically or health-wise,” says Bell, a body transformation coach. “Because I actually come from the fitness industry, I know it's so common for people to get in relationships and get very comfortable."

But prioritising your own health and striving to be the “best version of yourself”, is “the greatest gift you can give your partner," he says.

Not to mention the connection between physical health and optimising sexual performance.

#7. They approach fights differently 

A lot of people say fights are healthy and that you should be fighting with your partner. But Garland says it is more about how you resolve conflict. 

“There are always going to be moments of disagreement because you have different upbringings, you've got different beliefs and you see things differently, but it's the way that you approach the resolution that's really important,” she tells Body+Soul.

Garland explains that couples who come at it from a defensive perspective, or attack the other person while intentionally trying to hurt them, often have a lot of deeper relationship issues.

“Happy couples come to it from a mutual understanding of, ‘I want to understand your opinion and your perspective’, and are usually done pretty soon,” she says. 

“There's no resentment held, there's no silent treatment, and it's kind of a priority to resolve it and understand each other's perspectives very quickly after the fight. 

#8. They work to maintain their happiness

“Even once you've got a happy relationship, just always realise it's maintenance,” says Bell. 

“Trying to progress in your relationship is making sure that you're not regressing, because the moment you really get complacent, that's when things can start to slip. 

“You still need to do work.”