5 signs you're in a 'silent divorce'

And how to save your marriage

Not every divorce is preceded by months of fighting and hatred, with experts blaming the end of most relationships on these ‘silent’ red flags.

You may still be wearing a wedding ring – but if you feel more like a roommate than a romantic partner, experts say your marriage might already be toast.

The phrase “silent divorce” refers to couples who stay under the same roof, but their emotional connection is long gone.

Relationship pros say couples often stick it out for finances or kids.

“A silent divorce is when you’re not legally separated, but you’re definitely emotionally, mentally and almost to a certain point physically removed, too, from your spouse,” Stephanie Moir, a licensed mental health counsellor in Florida, told CNN.

“If you don’t really work on a marriage, it could really lead to that emotional disconnect where two people are just not on the same page anymore,” Moir warned.

Other signs the expert told the outlet include feeling more like roommates than romantic partners in a marriage and not fighting because, as dysfunctional as it sounds, an argument can mean two people still care enough to battle it out.

An argument can mean two people still care enough to battle it out. Image: iStock

“…fighting often reflects we’re disagreeing at the moment, we’re not on the same page, we’re not seeing eye to eye – but we’re trying to help our partners see where we’re coming from,” Justin Ho, a licensed professional counsellor in Georgia, noted to CNN.

Speaking of divorce red flags, an unexpected one is a subtle smirk of superiority on your spouse’s face, according to renowned psychologist John Gottman, the founder of the Gottman Institute and the mastermind behind one of the most extensive marriage studies ever conducted.

If criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling are present in a marriage – it might be doomed. Image: Pexels

Gottman’s research was recently dissected on the hit “The Unplanned Podcast.” It said that if criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling are present in a marriage – it might be doomed.

And if you get a whiff of contempt – either from yourself or your partner – try to tackle it head-on before things get worse.

It’s recommended by body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards to “Ask, ‘What’s going on? Are you OK? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.’ Because then you’re giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,” she explained to the show hosts, Matt and Abby Howard.

Originally published as 5 signs you're in a 'silent divorce'