Domestic violence survivor shares her story

A WOMAN who suffered terrible domestic violence at the hands of her partner for more than 20 years has shared her terrible story.

Domestic violence, generic photo by Thinkstock

THE simple acts of wearing make-up and nail polish and meeting with friends are things *Mary will never take for granted.

The enjoyment of these everyday activities was stolen from her, along with her entire freedom, as she suffered domestic violence at the hands of her partner for more than 20 years.

The eastern suburbs’ resident, now in her 60s, lived a life in complete and paralysing fear, with rules dominating her life.

She said her life seemed normal from afar, as she and her partner attended parties together and put on “a face”.

But behind closed doors, he would scream at her for hours and violently assault her.

“He would yell for hours and then tell me to get ready all of a sudden because we were going out,” Mary said.

“We would do nice things but he would spoil that by being nasty again and it was so difficult to keep pretending everything was normal.”

Mary sought help several times throughout the relationship. She went to friends, her church, and ­escaped to a women’s refuge for weeks at a time. But it ­always ended the same way — back to his violent arms.

It slowly got worse, with more bruises and emotional abuse wearing her down.

She finally bought a small mobile phone to hide in her pocket and asked a friend for help, who put her in touch with Eastern Community Legal Centre and a family ­violence advocate.

“I had to keep everything hidden and I have no idea what he would have done if he found out,” Mary said.

“He was extremely violent so ... I had the phone set so if anything happened, I could just press a button and my friend could help.”

She now wants others to know there is a way out for them too.

“To pluck up that courage and start off and do something. I didn’t find it easy,” Mary said.

“I was a little ashamed and didn’t know what help was out there.

“I think a lot of people are frightened to do things and don’t realise there are professionals out there ready to help.”

Since Mary first sought help eight months ago, the perpetrator has received a criminal sanction, as well as other non-criminal consequences.

Mary, who wanted to remain anonymous, is now safe.

“It’s those little things, like putting on make-up and nail polish just for me,” she said.

“I had Christmas with (distant relatives) last year and was allowed to speak when I wanted to and talk about whatever I wanted.

“I was allowed to be normal and it was the best Christmas I’d had for so long.”

* Not her real name