Returning to work as a new mum is the toughest thing I’ve ever done, but it will be worth it

IT’S not so much a daily grind, but an annual grind. Like many women with small children Holly McKay didn’t have a choice about returning to work. But she’s determined to hang in there.

RETURNING to work after having my boys was never a question of if, but when.

Unlike other parents who choose to stay home and raise their kids (props to them), I knew going back to work was the only way of securing my family’s future.

My baby is nine months old and I returned to work part-time two weeks ago.

I’ve already had plenty of: ‘Wow, you’re going back already?’, or ‘But he’s so little’.

I feel like saying, ‘Do you not think I would rather not send my babies to daycare, Helen?’ Some of us don’t have a choice, others just want to go back to work. For me, it’s both.

But in going back to work, I’ve entered what I’ve dubbed ‘the grind years’.

They’re tough. Juggling work, daycare, cooking, cleaning, seeing friends and activities for the boys.

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Coming back to work has actually cost us in many ways.

We have no family in Melbourne so are footing a hefty childcare bill.

Stress levels are constantly high, as is the pressure to be the “perfect mum and housewife”.

Outsourcing a cleaner would cut into the small amount of money I make after childcare fees.

So I clean my house at night once the kids are in bed, because cleaning with two boys under three running around is the equivalent of brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.

And when returning to work, I had to come back fighting.

Holly McKay with her two boys, Beau and Teddy.

I had to negotiate a new role and I needed a flexible working week. I got all these things. Yes I was lucky, but it is possible.

My advice to other mums is find out what you’re entitled to when you’re thinking about returning, start the conversation early so you have time to negotiate, but also be realistic about what your employer can afford.

The other thing is you need to prove you’re worth it, and if you’re anything like the working mums I know, then you are.

Most working mums work part-time but they come in and do more in those three or four days than most people do in a week.

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But why put yourself and your family under all that extra stress and pressure?

Many, many mums drop out of the workforce because it’s simply just too hard.

And who could blame them? You never get that time with your little ones again, and many argue, quite rightly, that they don’t want those years to pass them by in an exhausted, stressed-out haze.

But what will you do when your kids are in school and the house is empty (as heavenly as that may sound now) six hours a day, what then?

You’ve been out of the workforce for five or so years, the world has moved on but your skills are now dated.

What if you end up a single parent?

Staying in the workforce means I stay employable, it means (hopefully) my family can break free of the home rental cycle one day, it means we’ll have more education choices for our kids, and having a permanent role means sick and carers’ leave and holiday pay — and anyone with kids in childcare knows this is a lifesaver.

We’ve had a total of six days at daycare and both my children are right now battling ear and chest infections.

And I never discount those small mental health benefits of being back at work — reconnecting with work friends, eating lunch with adults, and going to the loo alone.

But most of all, it’s knowing I’m helping to provide for my family.

I wanted to go back to work. I’ve worked hard for my career and to get where I am. I enjoy what I do and I love to be challenged.

I want my boys to grow up knowing their mum is happy, independent and a self-made woman.

I’m making decisions to benefit all of us. And hopefully, I’m a better mum for it.

These are the grind years, but every day I remind myself why I should hang in there.

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