‘I find sex painful’: Solutions for women suffering

For Lauren Richardson, penetrative sex is often painful. But the 25-year-old is seeking remedies after receiving a diagnosis that explains why.

Lauren Richardson experiences pain during sex. She wants other women to know they are not alone. Picture: Tony Gough

Living with endometriosis means pain is something Lauren Richardson has come to expect during penetrative sex.

For her, the pain feels like a stabbing sensation similar to a menstrual cramp, hitting two inches below the pelvis and towards her back.

The 25-year-old has sought treatments and remedies since being diagnosed via laparoscopy last March.

Lauren Richardson. Picture: Tony Gough

Still, she is often left to “breathe through it”.

“It makes me really angry I’ve just had to put up with it,” she said.

“There’s definitely shame and guilt around not being able to provide that part of sex as easily as other women do.”

Pain is a symptom, not a diagnosis

It’s believed one in ten Australian women experience pain during sex, with endometriosis – an incurable condition in which tissue similar to the uterine lining grows elsewhere in the body – a common cause.

Pain can also be a symptom of other serious conditions, including cervical cancer, STIs and chronic or acute thrush.

If dealing with it persistently, Melbourne gynaecologist Dr Raelia Lew said it was important to first consult a doctor.

“Pain is not a normal feature of sex,” she said.

“It is a symptom not a diagnosis, and we need to address why someone is having pain before we attempt any treatments in a way that results in maximum benefit.”

For those living with pelvic pain, treatment is often multidisciplinary, involving the counsel of allied health professionals including acupuncturists, pelvic floor physios and sex therapists.

Together they can help women find strategies – both physical and emotional – to ease pain during sex.

Dr Lew also assured patients with new developments in therapies, medications and products, including lubricants and devices, more treatment options were available.

For Ms Richardson, her laparoscopy – which removed endometriosis from her bladder – was “life changing”.

“Up until then it felt like I had a constant UTI, and obviously you don’t want to have sex with that,” she said, adding that she also sees a pelvic floor physio as part of her treatment plan.

But more significant was learning to redefine sex beyond penetration.

Embracing the diversity of sex

Shame, guilt and frustration are emotions psycho-sexual therapist Lauren Muratore often encounters in her work with women experiencing pelvic pain.

It reflected a society still subscribed to a narrow view of sex she said, where women’s pleasure was often an afterthought.

“There’s an assumption that everybody likes vaginal penetration and that it will lead to orgasm, but that’s not true for a lot of people with vulvas,” she said.

“Penetration is not the be-all end-all of sex. There are always other options and sex doesn’t have to look like it does on TV.”

Dr Raelia Lew, Gynaecologist. Picture: Supplied

Lauren Muratore Psycho-sexual Therapist. Picture: supplied

Advocating for pleasure - whatever it may look like - was also a critical part of consent.

“Women should not feel pressured by society into doing anything they don’t want to do,” she said, emphasising there were also no time constraints on sex.

“Time is a massive factor of allowing the body to turn on,” she said.

“It’s about consenting every step of the way, enjoying pleasure for pleasure’s sake and recognising there is no goal with sex.”

Communication is key

Like everything when it comes to sex, communication is paramount – in the bedroom and beyond.

Like everything when it comes to sex, communication is key. Picture: istock

“Women are not alone in this, and learning how to talk about it is really important for dismantling the shame,” Ms Muratore said.

Ms Richardson agreed.

“We need to get away from this culture where sex is only supposed to be for procreation and not pleasure,” she said.

“Women’s pleasure is important, and men have a responsibility to their partner to ensure she is enjoying what’s happening and to notice when something’s changed.”

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