’Overwhelmed’: Rebecca Boyd opens up about becoming a young mum and her ADHD journey

Rebecca Boyd has revealed how she tackled her neurodivergent journey as a young mum, and shares her tips to coping at stressful times, including the festive season.

I’m a 34-year-old mum with two boys, 10 and 13, and I have ADHD.

Both my kids have disabilities as well as being neurodivergent themselves with Autism and ADHD.

My husband and I are both disability support workers.

My partner (now husband) and I have been together since we were 16 and we were both 21 when we became parents for the first time and 24 when we welcomed our second baby.

We were the first ones in our friendship groups to even think about kids. Everyone our age around us were still partying all weekend so we felt quite isolated in that regard that no one found us relatable anymore. We lost more friends than we could count because we weren’t at the same stage of our lives as everyone else our age.

We felt we all of a sudden had the label of not being fun anymore so the texts and phone calls stopped. We were both pretty devastated at the time. It was like our friends didn’t realise a baby could actually be taken with us out of the house and that we didn’t need to be at home with our baby 24/7.

We really had no idea what we were doing (like first time parents at any age I’m sure).

I had been to the young mums pregnancy classes where I felt completely out of place, as at the time early in pregnancy I was 20 years old but in a stable five-year relationship. All the other mums in the class were between 16 and 18 but apparently I was too young to be in the regular pregnancy classes.

Mum of two, Rebecca Boyd, has ADHD and is sharing her personal journey in the hopes it helps other neurodivergent parents this festive season. Picture: Supplied

Back then I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD like I am now in my 30s.

I struggled to learn in any setting whether it be schooling or just reading a book at home so trying to learn everything about what was happening to my body while I was growing a baby was nearly impossible.

Having very little impulse control and always looking for dopamine hits (as people with ADHD have less dopamine in their bodies so they tend to eat sugary foods and get addicted to other unhealthy habits), I found it quite challenging eating a good diet to help a growing baby as well as not really being aware of the rights foods to be eating anyway, as I lacked the knowledge and was very overwhelmed with trying to educate myself.

I suffered pre-natal depression, which was the first time I’d ever had any sign of mental health issues. Being young we didn’t really have much money as well as my partner then being laid off at his job very early on in my pregnancy. We found it very stressful and felt pretty alone.

When I was pregnant I remember thinking I just need to get through these nine months and things are going to be amazing. We’ll have a beautiful family and life will be amazing. I didn’t listen too much when people would talk about the sleepless nights and crying baby. We really had no idea what we were in for and it hit us like a tonne of bricks. It was a whirlwind of constantly washing bottles, vomit stained clothes and a crying baby. We never knew if he was hungry, had reflux or if he was hot or cold. What you’re not told is everyday early on just blends into one. You can’t remember if you’ve showered that day or even ate a meal.

Rebecca Boyd, who has ADHD, and her family. She shares her tips to coping in busy shopping centres during the holidays. Picture: Supplied

When our son was born we felt we weren’t taken seriously because we were young parents when we had concerns which was really disheartening. My ADHD made me very easily overwhelmed most of the time. Following instructions or learning certain things to be a good parent early on were such a struggle for me. There was so much information being thrown at me that I found impossible to take it in so I felt like I was already failing before my baby was even born.

We were lucky enough to have very supportive parents but they could only do so much.

Being so young I had no idea about post natal depression or even the baby blues. Things were spiralling for me in that first year. My mental health was declining and I had developed anxiety. I had no idea until my husband showed me the PANDA website and made me do the checklist which made it very clear I needed to see my GP as soon as possible.

I started seeing a counsellor to talk through all the things I was going through and it was an absolute game changer for myself and my family. When I felt happier my family was too, so I realised I had to make my mental health a priority for everyone.

As a mum with ADHD I find myself getting overwhelmed very easily when I’m experiencing sensory overload. Kids constantly wanting to be near me or picked up, so much noise, mess and lights. It can all overload me quite quickly.

The way in which I manage it is to listen to myself. If I can feel myself becoming irritable I will try and remove what I can to lessen my stress. If my husband is home I will tell him I need a break and I will go for a quick drive or just go into my room to reset.

I get quite overwhelmed with anxiety at shops or busy places so on my bad days I’ll have a podcast playing, something to fight with in my hands and a water bottle. I find when taking a sip of water it helps me focus on my breathing.

Chewing gum I find helpful also.

To look after my mental health these days I do a few things-

• I see a counsellor fort nightly
• I see a psychiatrist to keep checking in on how my ADHD meds are going
• I get a cleaner into my house every fort night as I find I get extremely overwhelmed with my housework and when it gets out of control my mental health declines.
• I’m not afraid to take a day off from work when I feel things are getting too much. If I need to stay in bed for a day and catch up on sleep or lounge on the couch and watch trashy tv I will. The housework can wait another day while I look after myself and listen to what my body and mental health needs.

I understand three of those four things are quite luxury things in terms of money.

Medicare can cover I believe 10 counselling sessions if you go to your GP and get on a mental health plan which is have done in the past. Keep in mind there is generally a gap fee to cover.

I am a carer of two kids with additional needs so I contacted at Service called Carers Gateway (I believe may just be in Victoria) they are a great service that give you six free counselling sessions and that have helped me so much.

Free support is available via the PANDA Helpline on 1300 726 396 (9am-7.30pm Mon-Fri, 9am-4pm Sat) or panda.org.au.

PANDA also offers an online mental health checklist for new and expecting parents to check for possible signs of perinatal anxiety, depression and well-being concerns.