Real Housewives of Sydney season three episode 1 recap

This Sydney reality star is terrified of direct sunlight, looks “like a child” and lives a glamorous harbourside life with her much older husband.

The Real Housewives of Sydney are back for a new season, with a brand new cast member horrified to find she’s now in the middle of a cast thick with longstanding feuds.

OG Housewife Krissy Marsh opens the season with a big ol’ brag sesh about how fabulous her life is, flitting between her Sydney mega-mansion, Noosa holiday house and frequent European holidays.

She does seem to have somehow become even richer between seasons – in fact, a producer is heard asking her if the rumours (possibly started by her) are true that she’s now a billionaire.

“I’m definitely not going to answer that,” she says sternly, which of course means “I shall not deny this completely unfounded rumour, as it only serves to benefit me.”

Krissy: Will not be drawn on the hurtful, damaging rumours that she’s unspeakably wealthy.

As we do a quick whip-around to see what everyone is up to, it becomes clear several of these women haven’t spoken to each other since last season’s reunion, which aired in December 2023. Sydney’s eastern suburbs aren’t that big, are you all not bumping into each other at Catalina on the reg?

Caroline’s been flat out continuing her favourite pastime from last season – breasting boobily to various glamorous locations around the world.

Stream The Real Housewives of Sydney Season 3 on BINGE, available on Hubbl.

Caroline’s holiday to Antarctica was a real hoot.

She got cheap flights to the International Space Station on points.

It seems some cast members have had a more dramatic 12 months than others. Bondi vet Kate has been dealing with a life-threatening health scare that left her hospitalised with severe kidney issues.

Nicole, on the other hand … got a personal trainer. Sally? Umm … she started experimenting with ponytails. Everyone’s keeping busy!

Now we’ve caught up with the existing Housewives, it’s time to met this season’s sole newbie.

Martine’s surname is Chippendale but that’s the closest she’ll ever get to the Inner West thank you very much: She lives in Darling Point (so close to fellow Housewife Victoria that they can compare their outfits from their balconies), and she’s come armed with a full box of carefully curated eccentricities she’s been just dying to display to a national audience.

A “real-life Barbie,” Martine describes herself as “self-made.” How so, when she doesn’t have a job?

“Because the life that I have is due to choices that I made.” This is a top-shelf euphemism for “I married a rich older dude” (Her husband John, a retired banking exec, is 19 years her senior).

Martine’s a real-life Barbie …

… but the role of Ken will today be played by Nigel Lythgoe.

Life’s not all easy for Martine, though, who has a pathological fear of the sun and won’t set foot outside her mansion without having been sheep-dipped in SPF and clutching a giant parasol.

We watch as she does exactly that to push her asthmatic pet pug around the streets in a pram. This is the sort of behaviour that is labelled “playfully eccentric” in Darling Point but would have you sectioned almost anywhere else in the country.

Martine’s vampiric tendencies are paying off, though: She might be 42 years old (and I say ‘might’ because nobody ever really knows a Real Housewife’s age), but she has the skin of a newborn. Wait, no. Newborns are less pale and translucent. She has the skin of a … cuttlefish.

A look at Martine’s weekdays between the hours of 9am and 5pm

Martine’s neighbour, returning Housewife Victoria, says she adores her but concedes that “she reminds me somewhat of the guy from American Psycho.” With friends like these …

For the first group dinner of the season, Martine saunters in looking like the haunted Victorian doll that she is (Sally: “She’s. A. CHILD.”) and is met with immediate hostility by Kate.

In a to-camera piece, Kate explains why she’s less than impressed: “Great, another trophy wife. Another person who’s never had a job.”

Well, yes, Kate, because you’re not starring on The Real Hardworking Veterinarians of Sydney, are you?

“Hey sooooo … I called you a psychopath on camera earlier, we’re cool though?”

The group sit down to dinner at a restaurant at the end of the wharf in Walsh Bay, and remark on how nice it is to have such a beautiful view of Sydney Harbour – why, some days you almost forget the harbour’s there, don’t you?

“I don’t forget. I look at it every day from my house,” sniffs Martine, clearly mortified to be among people of Non-Harbour-View Experience.

The dinner starts off civilly enough: Krissy invites the girls up to her house in Noosa, and makes a special point of telling Kate she’d love her to come, relax for a few days, and make a fresh start on a friendship between them.

Kate’s response? “I’d rather put my head in an oven. I have better things to do with my time.”

How are we on episode 1 and you already hate everyone doll

Caroline Gaultier, staying mad

It seems like Kate came to fight, because the dinner soon descends into a slanging match between Kate and Caroline about drama that happened back in season one.

It’s all a bit hard to follow: Caroline says she doesn’t want an apology from Kate, then decides that she does want one, it just has to be GENUINE. The other ladies just want a refill.

As the argument blazes, Martine has an expression that – spoiler alert – we’ll see from her a lot during confrontational group scenes in the coming episodes:

“I braved direct sunlight for THIS?”

As the argument between Kate and Caroline rages across the table, all the other women agree to call it a night, upping and leaving them to battle it out.

Martine’s already back in her Darling Point hyperbaric chamber at this point

Sorry girls, it doesn’t bode well for your storyline this season if you’ve bored even your own castmates into booking an Uber before the sticky date pudding arrives.

Next week: The Real Housewives of Sydney descend on Noosa (likely place for them to be).

Season 3 of The Real Housewives of Sydney premieres Tuesday, 25 February, at 1:30pm AEDT on BINGE.

New episodes drop weekly.

Originally published as Real Housewives of Sydney season three episode 1 recap