The best dirt and celebrity disses from inside The Birdcage
From a former Spice Girl declaring she had “a sweaty fanny” to an entire marquee toilet to a former Olympic champ in a strop telling a staffer she’s “just holding a clipboard, b---h”. Here are all the desperate diva moments from inside The Birdcage.
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With no celebrity-goggling at Flemington thanks to COVID restrictions, we’re putting our money on these desperate diva moments from the past. Naughty and not always nice!
“Did you hear Francesca Cumani is saddled up with another bloke, so much for the English rose,” was a cruel comment that raised more than a blush last year.
The Birdcage is where the dirt gets dished and the celebrities get dissed.
There was a Real Housewives of Beverley Hills moment at the Myer marquee bar when towering Taylor Armstrong’s jabbed up face was starting to sag.
The swimming eyes, the wonky smile, the ankles rolling off stiletto heels. She repeatedly slurred thank you into our ear as we helped keep her on an even keel.
Just another drunk girl at the bar moaning about men.
A couple of years later it was sprinter John Steffensen’s turn to sip too many bubbles in the Mumm marquee.
The champagne brand of Flemington flew in fresh caviar along with 15-litre bottles of the French stuff.
The drink had taken hold of normally smiling scallywag Steffensen who was schtonkered and heard bellowing the ultimate cringe-worthy line outside the Lavazza marquee: “Don’t you know who I am?”
Steffensen took it one stride further “I’ve won a gold medal for our country, what have you done you’re just holding a clipboard bitch.”
The hardest working staff on the day are the marquee gatekeepers, or door bitches as they were called in a less PC time.
They are kept busy keeping celebrities from bringing in multiple “plus ones” to guzzle the free drinks.
Then there’s the crew behind the scenes looking after the divas flown in by the big sponsor brands.
Scary Spice was flavour of the month Down Under for awhile as a judge on reality TV singing competitions.
But in the Emirates marquee toilet cubicle, she was heard ranting that she had a “sweaty fanny” because she’d gone commando for the day.
Where is the Old Spice when you need it?
Scary Spice has form. Another year she was predictably late, although no one beat supermodel Naomi Campbell for tardiness.
Campbell was 90 minutes late for her scheduled Melbourne Cup appearance at the Lexus marquee at a fee of no less than $75,000. Take that Linda Evangalista.
But back to Scary Spice. The divine Dame Edna had just been driven off after a dazzling and gladly-drenched performance inside the Myer marquee on “millionaires’ row.”
Out stepped Scary, aka Mel B, from her chauffeur driven limo.
She was set for her media moment when the Wayne Cooper dress she had squeezed into burst at the seams. Scary was ushered behind the Myer marquee to get frantically hand sewn into the dress for the day.
It’s not all glamour behind the marquees. While there is always a long line waiting outside the disabled toilets in the Birdcage, Emirates and later Lexus had in-house toilets.
Contracts required celebrities to remain at all times in their sponsor’s marquee, lest they get pictured elsewhere.
It’s the ultimate birdcage sin with Myer corporate filly Jennifer Hawkins reportedly resorting to using a “pee bucket” kept in her dressing cubicle.
One Home And Away starlet dressed all in white had Seven minder’s scrabbling for more outfits after that time of the month arrived trackside. Then there was Natalie Imbruglia grumbling at being pictured at Emirates with a backdrop of low hanging deli meats. Go figure.
Male celebrities usually arrive concourse solo and underdressed but leave with an over supply of women.
Snoop Dogg, Enrique Iglesias, Brody Jenner and Entourage star Adrian Grenier were among those who found themselves overserviced.
Cricketer Brian Lara offered to go to bat with a mystery blonde at an afterparty and Liam Hemsworth, who was without Miley Cyrus in tow was looking available at the private tables at Derby After Dark at Eve nightclub with Kelly Osbourne, daughter of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, showing interest.
Retail rivals Megan Gale of David Jones and Rebecca Judd from Myer that year were whispering in another booth.
Hilary Swank supposedly commanded a $150,000 fee from vitamins giant Swisse, which had a seemingly open chequebook.
Swank rocked up wearing an outfit from David Jones. This brought a big no-no from Flemington’s naming rights sponsor Myer and Swank was banned from been pictured holding the Cup.
Then there was Paris Jackson, a guest of Myer for a rumoured $100,000, who arrived in boots and was later pictured poking out her tongue at the media and earning the headline Whacko Jacko 2.0.
There are outrageous demands from divas, such as Liza Minnelli who “didn’t do stairs.” Burly security guards had to carry her instead. The heaven of it.
Shane Warne and Liz Hurley were seen “making out.” Nicole Kidman, dressed as Eliza Doolittle, and Kim Cantrell hung out with the common folk.
Some stories are etched in Flemington folklore. Millsy hooked up for one night in Paris Hilton and richest-lister Gina Rinehart took a tumble down the Emirates stairs in front of a swarm of excited photographers.
There are always the headline grabbers and the wannabes. Geoffrey Edelsten wore a Big Bird yellow suit with outlandish alligator shoes with the creature’s eyes still intact.
It’s reportedly Edelsten’s party trick, he’d shove the shoe under the fillies’ dresses to pretend the alligator was looking up their skirt. Another year he orchestrated a media event in the same suit, sans alligator shoes, where he went down on one knee to ask his escort Gabi Grecko to be his wife.
Giddy up!
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