Page 13: Whispers from the Melbourne Cup Birdcage
The Birdcage is no stranger to drama, from awkward run-ins with former in-laws to daggy dancing and stringent marquee bans, this year’s Melbourne Cup carnival had it all. Here’s the inside word on what the top of the town got up to.
Page 13
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The birdcage is no stranger to drama, from awkward run ins with former in-laws to daggy dancing and stringent marquee bans this year’s Melbourne Cup carnival had it all. Here’s what the top of the town got up to in the birdcage.
FRANCESCA SPLIT IS NO SMOOTH RIDE
There were some awkward moments around the mounting yard on Oaks Day as Channel 10 racing reporter Francesca Cumani and Jack Archibald crossed paths.
Jack is brother to Cumani’s ex-husband, the universally liked Australian polo player Rob Archibald. Described by friends as “the best bloke out there”, Rob is father to their young son Harry.
Last year, the track was all aflutter about the warts-and-all split between the couple, announced on the eve of Cumani’s arrival to cover the Melbourne Cup Carnival for Seven.
Some carefully chosen words, rivalling Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling”, were expressed, but the split was “perfectly amicable” said this paean of public relations veneer. Cumani had found comfort confiding in the “perkiest of ITV’s racing commentary team”, Oli Bell, was the line trotted out.
But behind Cumani’s golden smile is reportedly a different side to her character.
Rob has long held a dignified silence but those around him are speaking out.
The tyranny of distance and the time spent juggling their lives on “either side of the planet” was a farcical line to hide the real truth, they say, citing Rob relocating to the UK for his family.
Page 13 understands he went to the UK recently to see his son, but things quickly turned messy. Complicated is putting it lightly and parents are getting involved.
Cumani is the daughter of famous Italian trainer Luca Cumani and the Archibalds are a well-known farming family in the Hunter Valley’s Scone region.
Watch this space.
INSIDE THE TOUCH-UP ROOM
Montana Cox kicked off her kitten heels and slumped back in a mullet dress to rival Stephanie Seymour in November Rain. Kerri-Anne Kennerley applied lippy like a seasoned pro and a gisele-like doorkeeper slathered herself in sunscreen after her English-rose skin started burning up.
The touch-up room at the Lexus marquee was where you could see ooh-aah Glenn McGrath posing for a selfie while waiting for the loo. Or Princess Diana’s niece Lady Kitty Spencer mingling with commoners and wondering if she had picked a winner. Naturally, Lady Kitty backed a royal, Prince of Arran.
Tony is in charge of the room where sock-less men drop in to get a whiff of cologne and a quick shine on their shoes while they sit on a gilded throne.
“I’m just a fluffer,” an ever-smiling Tony beams.
He carries nail glue in his coat pocket for running repairs and says excitedly, “Doll, I had to rip a Christian Louboutin red sole right off on Derby Day. It wouldn’t stop flapping around. We tried everything — doubled-sided tape, to wrapping tape around the toe. Even the nail glue didn’t do it. In the end, I just ripped the damn thing off.”
Staff are more discreet about any side-boob adjustments, nip-slips and patrons passing out and needing the help of paramedics before being carried out the back door on a stretcher. Nothing to see here, said Tony on Oaks Day, while looking resplendent in a Russian mink fur. “I’m just a coat hanger today, doll.”
THE MAN CAN PARTY
Usain Bolt is now a regular at the Cup Carnival with his entourage of, er, bolt-ons. The world’s fastest man is usually slow to give the Mumm marquee a warning he is about to arrive trackside.
There’s often only half an hour to scramble a VIP welcome if and when Bolt decides to hang fast and loose. He took to the dance floor and the microphones after a good day on the punt on Cup Day and later went to Chapel St hotspot Morris Jones with the bolt-ons and Aussie sprinter John Steffensen.
He was one of the last to leave and even Bolt can fall victim to some daggy dancing, last seen doing the Macarena.
TROUBLE IN PARADISE
NO Bachelor try-hards allowed was the decree at the Mumm marquee. Bachelor winner Tim Robards, a fixture at the secret Larry’s bar in the Birdcage where he sucks down espresso martinis, might just make the cut.
But wannabes like Keira McGuire weren’t given a look-in at the VIP marquee. McGuire was in the Bumble marquee where she was flirting up a storm before telling all and sundry she was jetting off to Fiji to start filming Bachelor in Paradise. “Not to find love,” McGuire said, “but to f--- s--- up.”
SETTLE DOWN, BILL
The Melbourne Cup protest had Bill Shorten feeling giddy in the Tabcorp marquee and $5000 richer thanks to a trifecta. Things were not so sweet at the Williams family’s private suite, with Master of Reality’s drop from second to fourth meaning $750,000-odd was shaved from prizemoney. Co-owner Michael Gudinski wasn’t happy.
BEST ON FIELD
Candice Warner, retired ironwoman turned cricket WAG, has had a year from hell, but was most natural of the exotic birds in the Flemington menagerie. She glowed when talking of husband David Warner who, she said, had never been to the Flemington races and wouldn’t know what to make of it. Candice hit everyone for six.
THAT’S SOME ACKNOWLEDGMENT
Dame Edna likes to start her shows acknowledging the traditional land owners of Melbourne … the Pratt family. The dynasty, including Australia’s richest man, Anthony Pratt, his glamorous wife Claudine, sister Heloise and her rocker partner Jon Stevens, as well as sister Fiona Geminder and rich-lister husband Raphael Geminder, were swarmed by snappers as they sashayed through the marquees on Cup Day.
Then it was lunch in the swanky Lexus marquee with Gina Rinehart, who was wearing a Philip Treacy hat. Anthony was wearing custom-made gold-patent shoes by Portuguese shoemakers Undandy. Money talks — and money walks!
FRANKSTON TWIST IN THE TALES FROM TOORAK
ELITE MELBOURNE SCHOOL’S RAUNCY REUNION
BROTHERS IN (AFL) ARMS
There has been a distinct lack of brotherly love between heavyweight AFL siblings David and Simon Matthews after the mauling the Tigers gave the GWS Giants in the Grand Final.
“It was radio silence for two weeks,” Simon laughed when Page 13 quizzed the Richmond communications manager in the Herald Sun marquee on Oaks Day. Simon shook hands with his Giants CEO brother, David, on the field after the game, but footy is still out of bounds. “I haven’t gone there,” said Simon. “Not even to give him a ribbing.”