Inside the AFL’s second WAG hub
Complaints about mattresses. A request for a puppy to be flown in from Melbourne. The diva demands of some WAGs arriving at Gold Coast hubs are causing headaches for the AFL, with one league insider conceding: “Basically the players are sh.t scared of their wives.”
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A nanny. A private jet. A puppy. Oh, my!
Waggish diva demands have given Gill McLachlan a pain in the nether regions as the second wave of WAGs are moved up the yellow brick road to the Gold Coast.
The AFL boss has been forced to play the Wonderful Wizard of Oz, sprinkling $3 million per week of AFL gold dust to send wives and girlfriends to loveless AFL footy hubs.
Kids too, as the players of the 458 WAG contingent who left virus-plagued Melbourne this week declared “no bubs, no hubs.”
“Basically the players are shit scared of their wives,” said an AFL insider. “It’s become clear who runs the show.”
One club, asked if a player and his partner could bring their puppy to the WAG hub.
This was enough for even the good wizard Gill to crack, he did so to a Zoom meeting of club bosses this week.
Corona crawling Melbourne might be a stand-in for tornado-ravaged Kansas in the story of Dorothy and her little dog Toto.
But 288 Dorothys and their 170 kids are not on an AFL-funded holiday was the message.
More of Dorothy’s dog Toto later.
470 passengers, 12 highly-stressed AFL officials, 170 kids, and 288 wives and partners flew on a Virgin chartered plane to the designated WAG hub on Thursday.
“It’s almost hilarious to think of Melbourne WAGs taking on the Goldy,” said another fatigued AFL official.
The “hotel off the freeway” accommodation where the first wave of WAGs found themselves is now off the table.
This time round the AFL has hired out the Mercure Gold Coast Resort in Carrara to house the WAG contingent.
A chirpy bell hop told us they expect the four-star resort to be fully booked until the end of September. That’s a lot of WAG gold to sprinkle along the yellow brick road.
The resort was described by club bosses who arrived with the WAGs on Thursday as a “mini Olympic village.”
Sprawling along the Nerang river, the WAGs can enjoy two swimming areas, a tennis court, a day spa and 24 hour gym.
But it’s not all luxury digs. Another club boss described facilities as a cheap and cheerful “meal and wheels” resort for families holidaying near the theme parks.
Don’t mention theme parks!
They have become a touchy subject after a Carlton player’s partner let the kids out with her locally based parents.
After excitedly returning from Dreamworld, a breach of quarantine protocols, a collective “holy shit” swept across the hub.
“A fair bit of risk taking is involved,” said another AFL insider. “The whole damn season could topple from a WAG hub breach.”
So the AFL’s munchkins, grandiosely-titled Risk Mitigation officers, were sent in to ensure clubs are doing the right thing.
And that’s nothing compared to players being fenced-in at the Wicked Witch of the West Coast hubs and only allowed out for exercise, which is patrolled by police.
“It’s like prison conditions with razor wire around them,” said a club official.
The second wave WAG hub is definitely a step up. AFL munchkins are running programs for kids who are spread out across the resort.
A kids restaurant is open with dinner on the AFL dime. There is also a kids-free area for the WAGs wanting some private time.
Meanwhile the first wave of WAGs will be reunited with their players and moved to club hubs this weekend.
The player hubs will seem far more opulent, with cohabitation areas with Play Stations, X box and tennis tables.
And it couldn’t have come quicker. Word is the Essendon club’s wives and girlfriends were none too happy at how they’ve been spoken to.
But when a player wanted a microwave in his room, more than twenty turned up.
And then there was the tale of a Tinder date arriving, only to be told to click her ruby-red slippers back home.
One high-profile player and his family were not happy with their room. A mattress of a “higher quality” was demanded, which sounds more like the fairytale of the Princess and the Pea.
And not 24 hours in at the Oz hub and the tongues are, wagging (couldn’t resist).
“Everyone’s talking about Melbourne and some interclub crossovers,” we were told. Whatever could that mean?
The Mercure Resort reception area requires face masks to be worn, which is adding to the problem of who’s who.
“They all look the same with masks on,” exclaimed one nervous employee.
And who wanted to take their dog along?
That one was out on the full for now.
As Dorothy said: “We’re not in Kansas anymore Toto.”