How a Melbourne estate agent got caught with his pants down
Melbourne’s real estate rumour mill was cranking hard over the weekend over which agent was caught with his pants down at a luxury South Yarra penthouse.
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An estate agent has been caught with his pants down at a swish South Yarra apartment he was selling.
The evidence was all around the luxury penthouse. Ruffled towels and used frangers next to the spa bath were a giveaway.
Real estate agents have been feeling the strain as properties are taken off the market thanks to the coronavirus.
The jiggy-jig was up, so to speak, when the vendor noticed the key fob for his apartment was used at 9pm on a Friday.
An unusual time for an open for inspection, he thought, before deciding to take a closer look.
Used prophylactics were not part of the contract for the rented display furniture; the vendor is considering his legal options.
Industry watchdog the Real Estate Institute of Victoria is only too aware of such indiscretions.
Ballarat was all agog when an agent was accused of improper conduct after being allegedly found “in a compromising position” in a vendor’s home. REIV decided the complaint was unfounded after an investigation.
Then there was the celebrity Bayside agent keeping the vendor’s pool in rotation, only to be sprung by a nosy neighbour.
The Beamer constantly parked in the Brighton driveway piqued the neighbour’s interest.
Peering through his window, he saw the agent poolside with a “young lass” and champagne being popped under the cabana. The vendor, who was overseas at the time, took him to task.
One real estate biggie shrugged. “You do the time, you do the crime,” he said.
He turned it around, saying it was “learnt behaviour” from wannabe buyers who didn’t mind putting up a $50 key deposit for “a shagging palace for the arvo”.
At John McGrath’s annual realtor’s conference on the Gold Coast, blokes get on stage to flaunt the size of their clipboard.
“It’s just a cocaine and rooting fest,” said one who was there.
Another insider was at pains to say not all agents are like that.
Gentlemanly realtors such as Ray White’s Gerard Delany or Kay and Burton’s Michael Gibson don’t even like to discuss prices and are far removed from the type of misbehaviour at the, er, bottom of the market.
You won’t hear the super agents who deal with the upper echelons being indiscreet.
But one who is happy to talk the talk and walk the walk is Lambo-driving Zed Nasheet who was once repped by celebrity agent Max Markson. The fast-talking new kid on the block sold a house in Brighton this week for $6 million and says he knows how to behave.
“They should keep it in their pants,” he laughed after hearing about all the hanky panky. “All I want is to give my vendors a good deal.”
‘Going, going, Zold’ is Zed’s motto.
“Remember that realtor from the art gallery?” serial cheater Jeff asks his friend Larry David on cult TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm.
“Well let’s just say she had an open house. And let’s just say she stayed open a little longer for me. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.”
Jeff was enthusing about afternoon delights with a shapely realtor and post-coital cookies on the vendor’s furniture.
He later paid a price, forking out for the very same mansion to appease his ever-suspecting wife.
Jeff’s tale on the Seinfeld spin-off is no one-night, or one-afternoon stand — just ask Melbourne’s blue chip agents.