Your Nights In: Every movie on TV tonight rated or slated
A Harry Potter sequel that’s far superior to the original is one of several excellent movie options on TV tonight, including a Wes Anderson masterpiece and an underrated underground thriller.
Leigh Paatsch
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HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
****1/2
7.30PM 7MATE
The world’s favourite wand-waver raised the stakes the second time around with a follow-up that is superior to the original in every department. Harry, Ron and Hermione investigate the existence of a mythical abyss
inside Hogwarts that threatens the lives of all wizards born to human parents. The magic spells, the playful pranks and even the Quidditch matches are leaner and meaner than before, while the introduction of some new characters and a darker sense of adventure and intrigue bring the movie iteration of Harry P closer in alignment to his literary counterpart. Brilliant stuff.
THE CAMPAIGN
***
10:00 PM CH. 7
For a basic political comedy, The Campaign is funny. We all know the corridors of power are paced by people wearing big fat clown shoes. So we are ready and primed to vote one for laughter from the get-go. Will Ferrell (Anchorman) and Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover) are the best in the business at making the wrong seem right. But in going head-to-head in the same movie, these two wizards of the warped go mighty close to cancelling out each other’s magic talents. The pair play rival candidates in a bizarre election race where every rule in the book – and more than a few moral taboos – will be broken. Make no mistake, The Campaign still gets the job done on the strength of its bitsy broadsides at the surreal phoniness of American politics. Just bear in mind that your enduring goodwill towards Ferrell and Galifianakis will often override an inkling that some sections of The Campaign are not quite up to scratch.
POLICE ACADEMY 2: THEIR FIRST ASSIGNMENT
*
10:45 PM 7MATE
Everything you liked about the first one is doubly dumbed down upon here until you can hardly breathe. Some might say it was a miracle they went on to make nearly another ten of these turkeys. But hey, it was the 1980s. There was no internet. No mobile phones. Word of mouth took a long time to get around.
MAID IN MANHATTAN
**
7:30 PM GO!
A tatty cut-and-pasting of Cinderella and Pretty Woman, with Jennifer Lopez as a lowly hotel cleaner who catches the eye of high-living Senate candidate Ralph Fiennes. The embarrassing lack of chemistry between its stars aside, there is nothing in this romantic comedy slush that will make hearts beat faster or smiles curl upwards.
THE WEDDING DATE
**
9:40 PM GO!
Some things are old … just you try and get a romantic comedy called The Wedding Date to the church on time without escorting a cliche or three down the aisle.
Some things are new … well, kind of. Imagine a back-to-front Pretty Woman, where a male gigolo (Dermot Mulroney) is paid to do the relatively squeaky-clean bidding of a cashed-up chick (Debra Messing).
Some things are borrowed … heavily, some might say, from the collected works of Richard Curtis (Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill, Love Actually).
Some bits are blue … that’s if you count multiple uses of the word ‘shag’ and sundry other sexual euphemisms that wouldn’t upset your unmarried aunt.
THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL
****1/2
7:35 PM WORLD MOVIES
Just like the establishment from which it takes its name, here is a sprawling, lavish and highly enjoyable escape from reality. The year is 1932, and the setting is a fictional five-star crash-pad in an equally fictional corner of eastern Europe. It is here we find the mysterious M. Gustave (a hilarious Ralph Fiennes) at the peak of his powers as the Grand Budapest’s celebrated chief concierge. What follows is a majestically madcap, yet always accessible adventure caper, with Gustave and his loyal offsider – an ever-resourceful bellboy named Zero (Tony Revolori) – fighting tooth and nail to keep some formidable enemies at bay. The film is the work of American writer-director Wes Anderson, famous for his elaborate, micromanaged production designs. If you have journeyed into one of Anderson’s amazing alternate universes before – say, in films such as Fantastic Mr. Fox and Moonrise Kingdom – then you’ll know a seriously sumptuous treat awaits here. Co-stars Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Willem Dafoe.
THE DESCENT
***1/2
9:30 PM NITV
An unfairly underrated horror film. Six women lost while on a caving expedition in the mountains begin to suspect they are not alone. This punishing British-produced thriller knows how to do the fright thing without making any of the wrong moves we associate with standard-format hack-‘em-ups. Beware of how writer-director Neil Marshall plays his gory hand at the climax after building a rich atmosphere of mounting dread. Stars Natalie Mendoza, Shauna Macdonald.
Three movie picks for streaming or rental to get you through the evening
BOMBSHELL (M)
***
STREAM via AMAZON; RENT via GOOGLE, ITUNES, FOXTEL STORE
An interesting drama covering the controversial downfall of former Fox News chief Roger Ailes (John Lithgow). It is important to note Bombshell is not an Ailes biopic. We’ve already had one of those (an acclaimed miniseries The Loudest Voice, starring Russell Crowe). Instead, the movie keeps its focus on three women whose linked experiences working for Ailes traced a fault line that would crack open #MeToo into a fully-fledged movement. Gretchen Carlson (Nicole Kidman) was the first to dare take on Ailes in the middle of last decade, when the news chief’s reputation was at its most daunting. Destined to join Carlson on her earth-scorching crusade against sexual harassment are fellow broadcaster and rising network star Megyn Kelly (Charlize Theron), and ambitious production back-roomer Kayla Pospisil (Margot Robbie).
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (PG)
***
FOXTEL, AMAZON
A double shot of Nineties nostalgia, restoring two decrepit institutions from that faraway decade to something resembling their former glories. The first makeover candidate is Sonic the Hedgehog, the speedy star of a hit Sega video game that once ruled the world. The second is Jim Carrey, the fast-talking star of many a hit comedy that once dominated the box-office. While the collaboration of these decommissioned icons won’t be making any best-of-year lists, their work together gives off a surprisingly pleasant and engaging glow throughout. Sonic (voiced by Ben Schwartz) is an irrepressibly upbeat extraterrestrial who enjoys nothing more than running around really, really quickly. After living undetected for several years in a small American town, Sonic’s cover is blown. The authorities want him brought in for examination, and hand the hunting job to Carrey’s villainous Dr Robotnik. This loopy, mad-scientist type brings out a manic best in Carrey not seen in a long, long time. Co-stars James Marsden.
LIFE (M)
***1/2
NETFLIX, AMAZON
You really want to know the meaning of Life? Don’t ever let it in. And for cryin’ out loud, if you do happen to let it in … don’t ever, ever let it out. A slick, suspenseful and stomach-churning sci-fi thriller, Life is the perfect Alien movie right now for those who lament there will never be another Alien movie. So if you dig the sight of an angry, ugly and hungry extraterrestrial organism sneaking around a spacecraft to play a game of hide-and-seek-and-eat, then Life will deliver everything you like in just the right amounts. Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds and Rebecca Ferguson spearhead a small crew of scientists and techies aboard the International Space Station. When a soil sample taken from the surface of Mars points to the possible existence of life on the red planet, a protocol error results in mistakes that should never be made when hosting a disgruntled interplanetary visitor.