Your Night In: Every movie on TV tonight rated or slated
Don’t waste your time on the worst Martin Scorsese-directed pic by a long, long way. Here’s every movie on TV tonight rated and slated.
Leigh Paatsch
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WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (G)
****½, 7pm, 7FLIX
“Invention, my dear friends, is 93 per cent perspiration, 6 per cent electricity, 4 per cent evaporation, and 2 per cent butterscotch ripple.” Forget the ropy Tim Burton remake from the mid-2000s. This semi-psychedelic ’70s take on the incomparable novel by Roald Dahl stands as the definitive version. The casting of Gene Wilder in the title role is the key: there is a crazed, yet knowing glint in his eye that suggests the world of corporate confectionery is more sillier and sinister than we will ever know.
UNSTOPPABLE (M)
***½, 7.30pm, Channel 7
While there may be no bad guys in this quality action thriller, there is still a villain hellbent on causing catastrophe just for the sake of it. A few hundred thousand tonnes of runaway train, heading straight for a major city. With no-one at the controls. With some highly combustible chemicals as cargo. The onerous task of saving the day falls to the one and only Denzel Washington, playing a wily track engineer with some wild tricks up his sleeve. Though based on a real-life incident, the movie works best when its cartoonish adrenaline rushes kick-in. As the Explosion Express picks up speed, your nerves are picked off, one by one.
THE IMITATION GAME (M)
****, 7.30pm, Gem
Time is of the essence. And time was always running out for Alan Turing (played by Benedict Cumberbatch). At the age of 27, this brilliant British mathematician was tasked with cracking the German code system that held the key to turning around the fortunes of the Allies in World War 2. On a production level, The Imitation Game is executed dynamically on the same polished, prestige terms as The King’s Speech. In many ways, it is a superior film, thanks largely to a sincere, yet steely determination to do full justice to a true story as demanding as it is rewarding.
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (M)
****, 7.30pm, GO!
Contrary to the suspicion of many, this is not a cynical reboot of the famous origin story of Spidey-to-be Peter Parker. No, The Amazing Spider-Man is more a cleverly respectful renovation of a heritage-listed comic-book property. Peter’s metamorphosis from school-corridor geek to mean-street vigilante resonates with the viewer in a whole new way. Those sudden surges of adolescent angst and misplaced strength propelling Parker are conducted with precision by British actor Andrew Garfield. His twitchy, livewire understanding of the role will take the Spidey franchise far in the years to come. While there is not an abundance of full-on action sequences, those that do make the cut are of the highest quality. Co-stars Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans.
HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE (PG)
****, 8.30pm, SBS
This deceptively quaint feel-good comedy-adventure instantly finds an arresting storytelling groove. This is the story of two fugitives from justice, hiding out in the bush while a manhunt and media frenzy ensue. One of our heroes is a 13-year-old tubby tearaway named Ricky Baker (Julian Dennison), who has been bounced out of every foster home in the country. The other is a grouchy old farmer called Hec (Sam Neill), who has lost everything that matters to him except the will to survive. Thanks to some well-placed twists, turns and detours, the epic journey of these two endearing rebels with a cause will have viewers of all ages both leaning forward intently and laughing heartily from go to whoa.
SHUTTER ISLAND (MA15+)
*½, 8.30pm, World Movies
This Martin Scorsese-directed pic is a lemon. The worst of Scorsese’s career by a long, long way. Just how this ploddy plonker of a psych-illogical thriller was botched will remain a mystery for the ages. The script is based on a highly regarded book by cine-friendly author Dennis Lehane (Mystic River). The cast is stacked with top-shelf thesps. The technical excellence one expects of a Scorsese affair remains in full effect. And yet, this tale of a US Marshal (Leonardo DiCaprio) investigating the disappearance of a dangerous inmate from a criminal asylum never rises above the status of pretentious, overly flashbacky pulp.
PITCH PERFECT 3 (M)
***, 9.10pm, Channel 9
If ever a flimsy film franchise was going to fold in on itself by instalment three, you would bet the house it would be Pitch Perfect. So credit where it is due to the makers of PP3: this final collection of the a capella antics of the Barden Bellas stands up surprisingly OK. Nevertheless, it should be stated that this is best addressed as a fans-only affair. If you haven’t already succumbed to the selective charms of Beca (Anna Kendrick), Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) and the gang, there is nothing here that is about to change your mind. However, those who have happily held a torch for all things Pitch Perfect will be quite excited by an unlikely change of direction. At its core, there is a lightweight action-adventure plot propelling the movie. That’s right. Between the sudden singalongs and stoo-pid running jokes, there will be gunfire and explosions as the Bellas work as entertainers for the US military all over Europe. Co-stars Elizabeth Banks, Ruby Rose, John Lithgow.
ARMAGEDDON (M)
**½, 9.20pm, Channel 7
An asteroid is doing a bit of high-velocity spring-cleaning in a small and inconsequential solar system of the universe. So guess whose planet is sitting smack-bang in its path? Ours. All that can possibly save us? A bunch of gung-ho astronauts. Their mission? Hop aboard the rogue rock and blow it to smithereens. Otherwise we’ll have to change the name of our world. From Earth to Gravel. And so NASA recruits gun oil-driller Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) to stop the rot. He enters this desperate space race on the condition he can bring along his own squad of roughneck master blasters. If you are one of the few humans with a pulse that is yet to see the movie, please be aware it is not a documentary.
ENDER’S GAME (M)
**½, 9.45pm, 7MATE
It’s Harry Potter … in space! It’s The Hunger Games … in space! It’s The Last Airbender … yep, that’s right … in space! Welcome to the way-out, way-up-there world of Ender’s Game, a fair sci-fi adventure for teens based on the 1985 novel by Orson Scott Card. The plot conjures a future where kids with a mystical command of video game combat techniques are being recruited by the military to repel an imminent alien attack. One student, Ender Wiggin (Asa Butterfield), stands out from the rest. Physically, he is a bit of a runt. Tactically, he is a complete genius. While it does plod in parts, Ender’s Game does full justice to an admirably complicated and subtly ambitious tale. The training sequences staged in zero gravity are particularly well done. Co-stars Hailee Steinfeld, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley.
A BEAUTIFUL MIND (M)
****, 9.45pm, GEM
Russell Crowe serves up yet another pitch-perfect portrayal of a complex real-life character, starring as gifted mathematician John Forbes Nash Jnr, who triumphs over a lengthy battle with schizophrenia to win the Nobel prize. As directed by Ron Howard (Apollo 13), this quality Oscar-winning drama is an acutely sensitive and refreshingly unsentimental exploration of a debilitating mental illness. Co-stars Jennifer Connelly, Philip Seymour Hoffman.
DAREDEVIL (M)
***, 10.10pm, GO!
What starts out as a severely worn re-tread of Spider-Man soon blazes its own trail in entertaining escapism once we get the gist of what Ben Affleck’s blind (yes, blind) vigilante superhero is really all about. An event pic that is big, brassy and bullying enough to make you forget how little of it is actually making sense. Co-stars Jennifer Garner and Colin Farrell.
DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE (R18+)
**½, 11.05pm, World Movies
A rough, tough and nasty cops-and-robbers thriller, perhaps only of select appeal to crime-movie buffs who wish for movies as seedy and searing as they were back in the 1970s. Two factors loom large in terms of either inhibiting or intensifying the experience on offer here: a unquestionably deserved R18+ rating due to sustained and graphic scenes of violence, and a punishing runtime stretching closer to three hours than two. Shrewd, sharp casting from top to bottom remains a saving (dis)grace throughout. Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn star as long-term policing partners contemplating crossing over to the dark side after being suspended by their superiors for using excessive force on the job. Weirdly, the movie gets better as conditions worsen and options shrink for the embattled protagonists, who will quite remarkably both annoy you and stay on your good side throughout.
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