Your night in: Every movie on TV tonight rated or slated
It’s a packed line-up of movies on free-to-air TV, Netflix and Foxtel tonight. We’ve rated every movie on so you can make the most of your Thursday night on the couch.
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THE PROPOSAL (M)
***
8.30pm CH. 7
A solid, reliable rom-com. Sandra Bullock plays a hard-nosed publisher who forces employee Ryan Reynolds to pose as her fiancee after being threatened with deportation. The stars click together wonderfully well, and the sheer predictability of the plotting is completely gazumped by some very nifty scripting and pacy direction. Does not aim all that high, but hits the mark with respectable accuracy throughout.
FAST & FURIOUS 5
**1/2
8.30pm 7MATE
AKA Fast Five. In which the same old package of hot cars, half-dressed women and hell-raising stunts has been sent to Brazil. Just so Vin Diesel’s jalopy-jackin’ posse can fall afoul of a Rio crime boss. You could just about write this off as a busted wreck, if not for the welcome presence of an over-the-top Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the FBI agent chasing Diesel’s fumes. Action sequences are snap-to-attention stuff, but that’s never been a problem for the Fast & Furious crowd. An extended scene set on a train crossing a high-rise bridge almost justifies a full sit-through. Almost. Co-stars Paul Walker.
MEET JOE BLACK (M)
***
7.30PM GEM
If you were to stare the Grim Reaper in the face, you probably wouldn’t recognise him. Forget all that stuff about the skeletal features and the black hooded robe – in Meet Joe Black, we learn that death looks just like Brad Pitt. This odd romantic drama wasn’t much to look at in cinemas, but does travel better on the small screen … even if Pitt is comprehensively out-acted by the ever-dependable Anthony Hopkins. If you’ve got an early appointment tomorrow, beware of that hefty 3-hour running time.
POINT BREAK (M)
***1/2
8.30PM GO!
The 1991 waves-and-wacko-crimes cult classic is an acknowledged master class in dumb delirium. You know the score here, and everyone’s a winner: FBI agent Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) must infiltrate a surf-mad bunch of crooks led by the mystical Bodhi (Patrick Swayze). Irresistible escapism. Don’t ever go near the remake whatever you do.
BLACK SEA (M)
***
7.30pm WORLD MOVIES
Set any old thriller inside a submarine, and it isn’t long before the claustrophobia comes flooding in. Under the expert direction of Kevin MacDonald (Last King of Scotland), we plunge the depths of dread at all-too-close quarters within a creaky old Russian rust-bucket. The captain of this vessel is Robinson (Jude Law), an embittered seaman who assembles a dodgy crew to retrieve a stash of gold from a Nazi U-boat rumoured to be sitting on the bottom of the Black Sea. While the movie does waste some hard-earned unease by cutting away to flashbacks on dry land every so often, the deep distrust festering among Robinson and his crew keeps the viewer’s nerves on a razor-sharp edge when it really counts.
THE ODYSSEY (M)
(NOT RATED)
9.40pm WORLD MOVIES
I haven’t seen this French production from 2016. So here’s the synopsis just in case you’re feeling like taking a deep in something truly aquatic: “1948. Jacques Cousteau, his wife and his two sons are living in paradise, in a beautiful house overlooking the Mediterranean. But all Cousteau can think of is adventure. Thanks to his invention, an independent aqualung allowing divers to breathe under water, he has discovered a whole new world in our oceans begging to be explored.”
THREE MOVIE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL
AD ASTRA (M)
****
rent via GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE MOVIES
A serenely captivating work of science fiction, where the fiction heavily outweighs the science. Keeping this disparity in relative balance is yet another economical and deftly convincing lead performance from Brad Pitt. He plays Major Roy McBride, a veteran astronaut facing the most dangerous mission of his career. The movie takes place in a future where space travel to the moon has been commercialised, and the rest of the solar system could yet follow suit. However, increasingly powerful energy surges from the planet Neptune may not only threaten Earth’s reach across this new frontier, but the lifespan of all mankind as well. To identify and isolate the threat at hand, McBride must make contact with a lost explorer who disappeared in the same region as the surges: his father Clifford (Tommy Lee Jones). By turns, a cerebral and compelling experience – imagine 2001: A Space Odyssey delicately dovetailing with Apocalypse Now – equally adept at raising pulses and expanding minds when least expected.
THE KINDERGARTEN TEACHER (M)
***1/2
FOXTEL, STAN
Maggie Gyllenhaal has all but disappeared from movie screens in the past decade. It borders on inconceivable that one of the finest actors (male or female) of her generation is breaking a six-year exile from cinemas. Though the film marking her return has its slight flaws, Gyllenhaal’s mesmerising performance has none whatsoever. She plays Lisa Spinelli, a selfless New York kindergarten teacher experiencing a devastating identity crisis triggered by an unlikely source. When Lisa discovers one of her infant students can compose and recite poetry of the highest, heart-rending calibre, her own carefully nurtured suite of talents – as a mother, educator and aspiring writer – fall apart alarmingly. Gyllenhaal’s eerie chemistry with her 5-year-old co-star Parker Sevak channels instincts both maternal and Machiavellian. Until all we can see is someone so protective of another, it can only harm them both.
WINE COUNTRY (M)
***
NETFLIX
Amy Poehler (TV’s Parks and Recreation) directs and stars in a cheery chick flick about a group of fiftysomething friends doing the weekend-away-with-the-girls thing. While it is a pleasant enough affair as a mainstream comedy – and the cast is front-loaded with many of Poehler’s best buddies from her time on the influential Saturday Night Live – the vibe is more laidback and loose than laugh-out-loud funny. The big occasion bringing a diverse collection of women together is the fiftieth birthday of Rebecca (Rachel Dratch), who is cool with the reunion side of things, but not so keen on the candles-and-cake aspect of the trip. Once all have convened at the plush Napa Valley spread of rich retiree Tammy (Tina Fey), the wine bottles are uncorked, the music is turned up loud, and the banter begins. Many of the performers seen here are close friends in real life, and their natural repartee carries the movie quickly past many a flat spot. A nice effort, even if it doesn’t make the most of the talent assembled. Co-stars Maya Rudolph (Bridesmaids).
