Your Night In: Every movie on TV tonight rated and slated
From a goofy action flick to a classic J-Lo rom-com, there’s something for every family member on TV tonight — even the young ones can indulge in the millionth re-run of the Harry Potter flick that started a phenomenon.
Leigh Paatsch
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HITMAN: AGENT 47
**1/2
10:00 PM CH. 7
They said this goofy action flick is based on a popular videogame, but it’s really The Bourne Identity with its brain removed. Surprisingly, this is quite an efficient delivery system for a contagious rush of mindless action. Timothy Olyphant (Die Hard 4.0) stars as Agent 47, a hired killer on the run from his old employers. 47 hilariously eludes capture by Interpol throughout the movie, despite walking around in broad daylight with a barcode tattooed on his bald head. Not to be gunned down if trashy entertainment is your thing.
HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE
****
7.30PM 7MATE
When that whiz-kid wizard Harry Potter finally arrived for his movie debut, he did not let the side down in any way. Accommodating the tastes of both obsessed fans and complete novices, this big-budget Hollywood production does a magnificent job in bringing to life the unique world of magic and fantasy that, until its mega-hyped release, existed only in the imaginations of author J.K. Rowling’s devoted readership. The entire series of Potter classics will be screening weekly in this slot from now on. Stars Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and Robbie Coltrane.
POLICE ACADEMY
**
10:30 PM 7MATE
The foundation stone for a dynasty of dumb comedies has dated as awfully as could be expected. Therefore it all comes down to any residual goodwill felt towards individual members of the Police Academy ensemble. Me, I’m a Michael Winslow guy all the way. He was the fella who could make any noise he wanted, and could throw his voice into spaces most human beings cannot.
THE WEDDING PLANNER
***
7:30 PM GO!
This unfailingly entertaining light comedy stars Jennifer Lopez as Mary Fiore, San Francisco’s leading strategic stress-buster for the monied about to marry. There is no special-event spotfire that she can’t extinguish in a flash. From too much alcohol to too much fake tan and absolutely everything in-between, Mary has the answer straight away. (Warning: according to Mary, any couple that chooses Olivia Newton-John’s I Honestly Love You as their wedding song will be filing for divorce in just over a year.) Then meets kindly kids’ doctor Steve Edison (Matthew McConaughey). The pair are absolutely suited for a hitching except for one big hitch – Steve is already engaged to Mary’s prestigious new client. Should she go ahead and plan the wedding of a lifetime just so the man of her dreams can disappear into the sunset with someone else? Well, what do you reckon?
LICENCE TO WED
*
9:40 PM GO!
Close to the worst thing the late, great (and still, very much missed) Robin Williams ever put his name to. He plays an unorthodox man of God known as Reverend Frank, who is steering a pair of newlyweds-to-be (Mandy Moore and John Krasinski) through a crash course in pre-nuptial counselling. The good Reverend is one creepy dude, always at the ready with a suggestive aside (”let’s get the flock outta here!”) and plenty of bad advice (where the hell did that Viagra reference come from?). The true low point is the scene where the Rev forbids his charges from having sex in the run-up to the big day, and then bugs their bedroom with a listening device (operated by a 10-year-old boy, I kid you not) to make sure they’re sticking to their word.
SKIN
***1/2
7:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
While watching Skin, one thought comes to mind over and over: how could this possibly be a true story? Unfortunately, it is. The strange case of Sandra Laing, a girl born with dark skin to white parents in 1950s South Africa, came to embody the lunatic cruelty that drove the nation’s systematic separation of the races. Despite the best efforts of her parents, Sandra (Sophie Okonedo) is destined to spend much of her adult life in a racially-charged twilight zone. Director Anthony Fabian, wisely permits this astonishing tale to tell itself without any need for hollow melodramatics or showy manipulation of emotions. Co-stars Sam Neill, Alice Krige.
THREE MOVIE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL
SHAUN THE SHEEP MOVIE: FARMAGEDDON
****
STREAM via FOXTEL; rent via GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE MOVIES
This new, sci-fi-inspired movie adventure for Shaun the Sheep and the Mossy Bottom Farm gang is even better than the first one. The story begins when Shaun notices that a sizeable percentage of the pizza he and his posse are ordering online is disappearing without trace. The perpetrator turns out to be a visiting alien being, Lu-La. Her ship has ditched itself on the farmlands of Britain at the worst possible time, especially now her presence has attracted the attention of a UK agency hellbent on capturing its first UFO. Naturally, it is up to Shaun and his barnyard battalion to come to Lu-La’s aid, not only keeping the government spooks at bay, but also finding a way to have her return home safely. The beauty of Farmageddon as a film is its simple, straightforward efficiency when it comes to entertaining viewers of all ages. Claymation specialists Aardman Studios (creators of Wallace & Gromit) never let anyone down, particularly the very young in the audience.
THE WAY BACK (M) ***1/2
rent via GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE MOVIES, FOXTEL STORE
While not, as many have assumed, a true story, The Way Back is definitely true to life. No-one would know that more than this fine movie’s lead actor, Ben Affleck. In playing a high school basketball coach fighting a daily battle against chronic alcoholism, Affleck was clearly able to connect with his own well-chronicled personal troubles to craft an unerringly convincing performance. He plays Jack Cunningham, a former junior basketball star whose path to the big time was ended by a complex suite of addictive behaviours. Decades later, Jack is drinking around the clock – even while on the job as a high-rise construction worker – when his old school throws him a lifeline. Would he like to take a shot at reviving the flagging fortunes of his former team? While the movie does trace a familiar storytelling arc, it never quite conforms to the predictable. Jack’s winding journey in, around and out of the bottle is not the stuff of entertainment, but its does promise a measure of enlightenment many will sincerely appreciate.
ANGEL HAS FALLEN (MA15+)
**1/2
FOXTEL, AMAZON
Gerard Butler’s third aggressive action-adventure assignment for Secret Service strongman Mike Banning is as dumb as a pile of bricks, but still stacks up on pure adrenaline-extraction grounds. This time, Mike must do more than be willing to take a bullet for whoever happens to be US President (series regular Morgan Freeman now has the keys to the White House). To save American democracy from murderous mercenaries thought to be on the payroll of the Russians, Mike must allow himself to be framed for the brutal assassination attempt that has put his boss in a coma. Our hard line hero spends most of the movie on the run, reloading weapons, rearranging faces and resisting arrest with ludicrous ease. Oh, and you also get to meet Mike’s mystery-man dad (Nick Nolte), a wild and whiskery militiaman living off the grid and looking for trouble.