Your night in: Every movie on Melbourne TV tonight - rated and slated
Another day of remote learning (and working) is done. Now, grab the kids, find your favourite spot on the couch and settle in for the night with one of these great movies.
Leigh Paatsch
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GODZILLA (PG)
*
8.30pm 7MATE
This is the 1998 edition, a Hollywood monster movie very reluctant to give you a clear view of the monster in question at any time. On every occasion we spot the nuclear-enlarged, 100-metre-long title character wreaking havoc, it is night time and it is raining. The cameras continually wobble in and around the action, at best capturing a cross-sectioned view of Godzilla whenever he is on the move. The overall effect is about as scary as an out-of-control street parade float. Starring Matthew Broderick as the human hero, a fella who makes ends meet as a (I kid you not) worm biologist.
STEP UP 2 THE STREETS (PG)
**1/2
9.20pm GO!
An all-new cast (that means no Channing Tatum up front, for those that truly care) stars in an intermittently enjoyable sequel to the hit dance drama of 2006. Throughout the picture, the choreography is absolutely stunning. The performers attack their routines with an aggression and spirit that cannot be denied. It is only when these people stop the magic moving and start the tacky talking that the spell is broken.
THE LOSERS (M)
***1/2
10.00pm CH. 7
A sly, wry and proudly for-the-heck-of-it action film is based on a comic book you’ve probably never read. The title characters are soldiers of fortune who have recently had the misfortune of coming to the notice of the baddest man on the planet. His name is Max (Jason Patric), and all you need to know about him is that he’s the most lovably reprehensible super-villain to have never appeared in a James Bond film. Max trades in environmentally friendly weapons of mass destruction, and the oxymoronic irony of his business does not escape him. Nor does the name, address and life expectancy of anyone who encroaches on his turf. A complete package of guilty-pleasure goofing-off, starring Zoe Saldana, Chris Evans and Idris Elba.
CLOUDS OF SILS MARIA (MA15+)
***1/2
9.10pm WORLD MOVIES
The cruelly short professional life of an actress is no life at all : not so much a race against time, as a long and agonising wait for time to pass you by. Unless you’re Meryl Streep, that day when the phone stops ringing and the offers disappear is never far away. In this fascinating, flawlessly performed drama, Juliette Binoche plays Maria, a decorated star of stage and screen staring her own impending demise square in the eye. Though the efforts of her dedicated personal assistant Valentine (Twilight heroine Kristen Stewart, winner of a French Cesar award for a fine display here) form a much-needed buffer from reality, the writing remains on the wall for Maria. Proceedings do stray towards the unnecessarily pretentious at times because of preciously over-written dialogue, but the film’s X-ray-like understanding of its characters carry it a long way. Co-stars Chloe Grace Moretz.
A KID LIKE JAKE (M)
**
7.30pm WORLD MOVIES
A contemporary premise with serious dramatic potential is all but squandered by dull direction and emotionally clinical acting. Alex (Claire Danes) and her husband, Greg (Jim Parsons), are trying to find the right primary school for their 4-year-old son, Jake. Described as gender-expansive by his adviser, Jake’s increasingly erratic behavior starts to cause a rift between the couple.
THREE MOVIE PICKS FOR STREAMING OR RENTAL
MARRIAGE STORY (M)
****1/2
NETFLIX
Somehow - in a manner often bordering on the miraculous - this unsparing portrait of the contemporary divorce process will show you much more of a good time than you could possibly have bargained for. It all starts with two powerhouse performances from Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver, both of whom became Oscars contenders as a result. They play the perfect New York couple - he is a successful stage director, she is his creative muse - about to face up to the imperfections of their union in a Los Angeles that might as well be a foreign country. Nicole (Johansson) has moved west to reignite the career she put on hold to get married. Charlie (Driver) keeps jetting west, initially in the hope of saving his family, then reluctantly to continue waging a custody battle over their only child. Boosted by some of the year’s best writing, this extraordinary movie will merrily break your heart, then solemnly repair it, over and over again.
ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP (MA15+)
***
FOXTEL, AMAZON & rent via GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE
Did they really need to go and make a sequel to the 2009 comedy thriller Zombieland? No, they, did not. Have they gone and made a decent fist of that sequel anyway? Yes, indeed they have. If you remember the original at all, it will still be fondly, if kind of vaguely. No crime in having a hazy memory on this front. Let’s be frank: a helluva lot of zombie-ness has passed through the collective consciousness in the last decade. Anyway, the most important factor in play here is that most of the original cast has returned to active duty. When you’re talking names such as Emma Stone, Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson - all bigger names now than they were back then - a diminished team sheet would have guaranteed a diminished movie. Not so here. Though a slight notch down from its predecessor, Double Tap goes about its undead and up-to-something business the right way from go to whoa.
ONWARD (PG)
***1/2
DISNEY+, or rent via GOOGLE, ITUNES, YOUTUBE MOVIES
While the action-adventure fantasy Onward will not go down as one of Pixar’s greatest productions - it is a distinct comedown after the heights scaled by last year’s superb Toy Story 4 - the end results are still overwhelmingly positive. The setting is a magical realm where teenage elves Ian and Barley Lightfoot (voiced by Tom Holland and Chris Pratt) have a chance to be briefly reunited with the father they lost as infants. However, the magic spell they use to bring him back doesn’t quite work. Only their dad’s legs materialise. Now Ian and Barley have only 12 hours left to find the rest of him before he vanishes forever. While Pratt and Holland take a little while to click as a vocal duo, once they do, Onward pushes forth towards the hard-earned emotional pay-off for which Pixar is renowned.