Mega weekend free-to-air TV movie guide
A true story set at the height of the Iran hostage crisis in 1979 brings the thrills in Argo and a soft-hearted fairytale will have viewers hooked from the opening scene in Slumdog Millionaire. This weekend’s TV offerings are jam-packed with entertainment.
Leigh Paatsch
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FRIDAY
ARGO
****1/2
8:30 PM 7MATE
We all turn to the movies for one reason: escape. The brilliant thriller Argo tells the staggering true story of a world superpower that turned to the movies for the very same reason. At the height of the Iran hostage crisis in 1979, six US Embassy staff evade capture by militant extremists. As they continue to hide in secret in Tehran, a CIA agent (Ben Affleck) concocts a bizarre scheme to bring them home. Posing as a film producer, the spy must persuade the Iranians he intends to shoot a bizarre sci-film production in their country. It is no small compliment to hail Argo as one heck of an efficient movie machine. The product it churns out — packed not only with gripping drama, but great comedy as well — just cannot fail to impress. The screenplay is the key, knowing just when to stick to the facts, and when to embellish them. Directed by Affleck, a talent behind the camera who should do more of this kind of thing much mire often.
SAVE THE LAST DANCE
***
8:30 PM 7FLIX
A solid dance-themed movie, with acting of a slightly higher calibre than the genre usually demands. Former ballerina Sarah (Julia Stiles), has moved to Chicago after a personal tragedy. Her misery compounds into loneliness when she commences studies at an unfriendly high school. Stepping in to save the day is Tony (Sean Patrick Thomas), who encourages Sarah to reconnect with her love of lunges, lifts and leaps.
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
****1/2
10:45 PM 7FLIX
A soft-hearted fairytale told with a hard-headed social conscience, every scene coursing with energy, emotion, colour and, above all else, pure life. You will be hooked from the opening scene, where a poor young contestant on the Indian version of TV’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire? is accused of cheating while just one question away from landing the jackpot. Across a series of heart-rending, uplifting flashbacks, we learn how the poverty-stricken hero accumulated the knowledge that brought him to this fateful moment. Directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, Sunshine).
ENEMY AT THE GATES
**1/2
8:30 PM CH. 9
This could have been a top-notch war film had it tried not to pass itself off as a highbrow arthouse drama. Set amidst the battle of Stalingrad in 1942, the movie’s finest moments centre on a duel to the death between the best Russian and German snipers of World War 2. As an added rarity for true war movie fans, there’s not a single American soldier involved. And yet, time and time again, Enemy at the Gates squanders its pulse-pounding momentum on long, high-falutin’ stretches of pointy-headed pretentiousness that just get in the road of the good stuff. Which, for the record, is Soviet master marksman Vassili Zaitsev (Jude Law) and his German equivalent Erwin Konig (Ed Harris) pinging bullets past one another’s ears in an elaborately riveting game of cat and mouse.
BLOWN AWAY
***1/2
9:45 PM GEM
Here’s one of those American action fillums that just plain works, despite lacking a story, or a cast that acts the house down. The flick credibly zeroes-in on the details of a dangerous occupation - that of bomb disposal experts tracking a mad serial exploder running amok in downtown Boston - with a minimum of fuss. Jeff Bridges is the determined defuser, and Tommy Lee Jones the jumped-up geligniter.
THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG
**1/2
7:30 PM GO!
Meanwhile, back in Middle-earth, everyone is displaying worrying symptoms associated with the dreaded plight known as Middle-film Syndrome. Welcome, then, to part two of The Hobbit Trilogy. There will be dwarves. There will be a dragon. A few Elves. Many Orcs. And a standing invitation to lie back and take a quick nap whenever you like. Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman), Gandalf the Grey (Ian McKellen) and dwarf warrior Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) are still on a slow and scenic mission to reclaim the lost land of Erebor. The roadblock up ahead in this movie will be found at Lonely Mountain, where a vicious dragon named Smaug (voiced with a venom both sinister and sarcastic by Benedict Cumberbatch) resides. Business as snooz-ual, with director Peter Jackson pressing the pause-button repeatedly so the third film (airing this time next week) can hit the heights intended.
TOMMY’S HONOUR
**
7:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
The only viewers who will rate Tommy’s Honour as making par are golf tragics with nothing to do for the evening. The subject matter is promising enough ; the wild, woolly and whiskery early days of Open Championship golf in 1870s Scotland. The best tournaments back then were free-for-alls of betting, braggadocio and bare-knuckle fist fights. Which makes it all the more puzzling why this movie lodges itself early in a sandtrap of dullness, and stays there. This is the not-so-stirring story of Tommy Morris (Jack Lowden), a Tiger Woods-ish tearaway who won the first of four consecutive British Open titles at age 17. His dad (Peter Mullan) was also a great golfer, and didn’t like having his lunch cut by his boy. There’s also a number of terse, top-hatted toffs in the picture, the most notable of which is played by Sam Neill. Worth a look only for the occasional outburst of ungentlemanly high-jinks on the links. Co-stars Ophelia Lovibond.
AMERICAN ANIMALS
***1/2
9:35 PM WORLD MOVIES
Heist movies typically leave no incriminating tracks whatsoever. We get bedazzled by the moving parts of a complicated job going like clockwork. The notion of the law being broken is always forgiven and often forgotten. American Animals is not your typical heist movie The ‘big job’ here has all the efficiency of a broken watch. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong, inviting a different level of tension into the mix altogether. This is the true(ish) story of a bunch of Kentucky college kids who hatched a plan to lift a few million bucks’ worth of priceless books from a local library. These fresh-faced perps are not rocket scientists, it is fair to say. In fact, it is a miracle they even got their (im)perfect crime off the launchpad at all. The movie is structured as an odd, yet effective blend of staged dramatic re-enactments mixed with interviews with the older-but-no-wiser participants in the scheme. A fine movie which would also make for a ripping multi-part podcast. Stars Barry Keoghan, Evan Peters.
SATURDAY
BEAUTIFUL BOY
****
8:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
This emotionally raw, rigorously authentic take on one young man’s long descent into drug addiction is an ordeal you may not be inclined to put yourself through. In this case, however, you really should take the plunge. For this masterfully composed and exquisitely acted production has a rare grasp of the explosive impact an inexplicably desperate need for drugs can have on a typical user. Just as importantly, the film does not forget about those watching on helplessly from the edge of the blast zone. This is the true story of Nic Sheff (Timothee Chalamet), a promising student whose tentative dabbles with light drugs eventually morph into a heavy addiction to ice. Perpetually floating in the deep, dark spaces between recovery and relapse, the lifelines cast out by his desperate father David (Steve Carell) become harder to hold on to for long. A must- see for anyone trying to make sense of what an addiction is doing to their loved ones, or looking to make peace with what an addiction has already done.
READY PLAYER ONE
****
8:30 PM 10 SHAKE
A fast and furious futuristic thrill ride that is the most a fun a Steven Spielberg-directed movie has been in many years. Adapted from the 2011 best-selling novel by Ernest Cline, this exciting, entertaining and kinda crazy blockbuster is set inside OASIS, a dazzling Virtual Reality gaming environment where in the future, much of society retreats to seek their fortune. Ready Player One is a pure action-adventure movie, and Spielberg’s filmmaking instincts wisely push the rich and relentlessly shape-shifting world of OASIS above all else. Blink-or-you’ll-miss-it pop-culture references keep coming at a rapid-fire rate, many of them drawn from the 1980s. The sheer scale and wit with which they have been inserted will bring on a total sensory overload. Especially to anyone whose DNA carries any trace of geek, nerd or gamer. Stars Tye Sheridan, Olivia Cooke, Ben Mendelsohn.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM
**1/2
7:30 PM 7MATE
A below-par Ben Stiller stars as a nervy nightwatchman trying to reign in the chaos that breaks out in a museum every evening. Thankfully, the special-effects used to simulate the static exhibits coming to life (dinosaurs, statues, warriors etc) are both strong and varied enough to prevent a totally worn-out welcome. Based on the book by Milan Trenc. Co-stars Robin Williams, Carla Gugino.
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
***1/2
9:45 PM 7MATE
This surprisingly strong reboot happened along 10 years after the great Tim Burton bungled the same job. It succeeds by radically re-writing the old Planet of the Apes origin story to suit both modern times (the film is set entirely in metropolitan San Francisco) and tastes (the apes are all CGI, all the time : no goofy actors in rubber masks here, thank heavens). James Franco plays a scientist whose experimental cure for Alzheimer’s Disease triggers the formation of an army of marauding primates. Does have some flat spots mid-way, but ends with a cracking skirmish on the Golden Gate Bridge. Guilty-pleasure good!
CHARLIE’S ANGELS
***1/2
7:00 PM 7FLIX
Low-concept, high-octane fun is the order of the day here, and the goods are delivered in full with a forceful frivolity that is irresistible in every sense of the word. The blueprint for the movie is essentially the same as that of the TV show - three girl-wonder detectives in the employ of a cashed-up recluse, solving crimes and kicking bad-guy butt without smudging their make-up, staining their outfits or disturbing their hairdos. Making up the tressed-to-kill trio are the blonde bombshells Natalie (Cameron Diaz) and Dylan (Drew Barrymore), and the brunette brains of the operation, Alex (Lucy Liu). Client liaison comes in the bumblingly sarcastic form of Bosley (Bill Murray), while the smooth squawk of the mysterious Charlie (voiced as it was all those years ago by TV super-soap patriarch, Dynasty’s John Forsythe) issues his orders via a crappy little speakerphone.
CRIMINAL
***1/2
10:30 PM CH. 9
A resolutely faithful, high-quality remake of Nine Queens, a magnificent Argentine caper flick from back in the day. John C. Reilly stars as a veteran LA scam artist educating Diego Luna’s novice crook in the fine art of the swift swindle. Once the con is on in earnest, everything kicks into a slick top gear that takes some keeping up with.
PAPER PLANES
***
7:30 PM GEM
A lovely, locally-made children’s pic. Ed Oxenbould stars as Dylan, a 12-year-old kid from the bush with a talent for producing paper planes that fly faster and further than his peers. As luck would have it, the national paper planes championships are about to happen, and Dylan more than deserves a shot at the title. However, his depressed dad (Sam Worthington) and a lack of funds may stop Dylan’s dream from ever getting off the ground. This is gentle, genial stuff that will be much loved by its target audience of primary schoolers. Does drag just a little towards the end, but not enough to fall from anyone’s good graces. Co- stars Deborah Mailman, David Wenham.
SHOW DOGS
**
7:30 PM GO!
Ever wondered what Sandra Bullock’s 2000 hit comedy Miss Congeniality might have turned out like if Sandy’s role had been taken by a talking Rottweiler named Max? Of course you haven’t. Nevertheless, the question will be answered by Show Dogs, a low-kilojoule, no-concept comedy snack for little kids who can’t get a ticket to Incredibles 2. Max (voiced by rapper Ludacris) is a mouthy mutt who makes ends meet as a police pooch in the employ of the NYPD. In a bid to crack a case involving the illicit sale of implausibly cute baby pandas, Max goes undercover as an unlikely entrant in a Las Vegas beauty pageant for dogs. Everything does not go according to plan - but does get very Turner & Hooch - when Max’s appointed handler turns out to be a bumbling wiseguy of an FBI agent, Frank (Will Arnett). There are lots of scenes of chatty canines strutting the catwalk and sassing out rival breeds, and for those who might have money on the outcome, Max does not bite Frank on the butt until the 20-minute mark.
THE BOOKSHOP
**
8:30 PM SBS
In a smallish British seaside hamlet in the 1950s, a tallish British widow in her forties (Emily Mortimer) opens a bookshop. Some of the locals (like Bill Nighy as an aging recluse) are supportive of the new venture. Others (such as Patricia Clarkson, a bossy socialite) are dead against it. Customer traffic and sales levels fluctuate moderately as tensions ebb and flow. This covers the tiny patch of narrative territory to be traversed by The Bookshop, a shy, retiring and rather dozy adaptation of the 1978 novel of the same name by Penelope Fitzgerald. Exactly why the movie takes almost two hours to stitch together this threadbare tale is not so much a mystery as it is a miscalculation.
SUNDAY
KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE
***1/2
8:30 PM 7MATE
This smart, edgy and unpredictable thriller-comedy is a Bond film pared back to basics, and then pumped-up with street-cred steroids. Colin Firth plays a posh British spy who recruits a housing-estate kid (Taron Egerton) with potential to join a secret society of super-spooks. Meanwhile, a mobile-phone tycoon (Samuel L. Jackson) plots to take over the world with sinister SIM-cards. Not everything works here, but when it does, the energy expended and electricity generated can take your breath away. Co-stars Mark Strong, Michael Caine.
MARS ATTACKS!
***1/2
6:30 PM 7 FLIX
Some nasty bulbous-headed Martians come down to Earth to colonise the planet, and U.S. President Jack Nicholson welcomes them with open arms. Director Tim Burton (Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Beeteljuice and the first two Batman movies) fashions a hilariously twisted form of the alien invasion movie by skewering every silly sci-fi flick that ever had a budget smaller than its brain. Oh, and you’ll never look at Sex and the City’s Sarah Jessica Parker in the same way again once you’ve seen her cross-bred with a chihuahua.
THE BEACH
***
8:40 PM 7 FLIX
During the Bangkok stint of an impromptu jaunt through Thailand, young American traveller Richard (Leonardo DiCaprio)gets wind of a funky little Shangri-la rumoured to be hidden on a hard-to-get-to island. With a pair of equally curious French tourists in tow - the pretty Francoise (Virginie Ledoyen) and her boyfriend Etienne (Guillaume Canet) - Richard is able to track down the fabled idyll. After some sensual settling-in, the welcome mat is rolled back up, and the atmosphere becomes darker and uninviting by the minute. In adapting Alex Garland’s best-selling novel, director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting) presides over a bubbling melting pot of elements that teasingly remains just below boiling point. You’d probably call it a strange brew of Fantasy Island, Apocalypse Now and Lord of the Flies. But whatever it is, it certainly is an intriguing and utterly watchable concoction.
DARKEST HOUR
***1/2
8:40 PM GEM
Take a step back from all the justifiable hype surrounding Gary Oldman’s deeply transformative (and Oscar-winning) portrayal of iconic British PM Winston Churchill, and you will recognise a direct companion piece to the WW2 masterpiece Dunkirk. Indeed, these are the very same events, processed from a radically different (and sometimes less compelling) perspective. This time, the day will be saved for those troops stranded on a windswept French beach by one man waddling down the corridors of power in London. With a little unforeseen luck and a lot of intestinal fortitude, Winston Churchill became the crucial keeper of a flame of resistance that would ultimately repel an all-too-possible Nazi invasion of Great Britain. Oldman seizes upon his character’s many flaws and magically turns them into saving graces: Churchill’s rapid swings between self- confidence and self-doubt, his unbridled love of his own voice, his willingness to send himself up, and his stubborn refusal to yield any ground. Co-stars Kristin Scott Thomas, Ben Mendelsohn.
THE GREAT WALL
**1/2
7:30 PM GO!
After more than 2000 years of starring as one of the wonders of the world, the spectacular Chinese super- structure finally gets a movie in which it gets to play the title role. So it must be a crumbling disappointment for the most famous fence in history to discover it is playing third-banana to a marauding swarm of giant green lizard monsters and, umm, Matt Damon as an Irish mercenary. So don’t attend thinking you will be treated to a broad and sweeping historical biopic. The story told here is drawn from an ancient Chinese legend about a mythical band of bitey, fighty carnivores that attack the wall every 60 years to apparently teach mankind a lesson. It must be said that the many battle scenes here do indeed impress as an unconventional action spectacle, with the physical stunt work a true standout. However, regular pauses so that the Chinese cast can translate their dialogue to Damon and his Western co-stars are real momentum stoppers.
HERCULES
***
9:30 PM GO!
Perfectly passable pulp entertainment. Mostly because it backs off on all the preening pretentiousness of most modern men-in-tights-getting-in-fights movies. (Yeah, that means you, 300. And you as well, Clash of the Titans.) Instead, this oh-so-Hollywood incarnation of Hercules pointedly refuses to take itself seriously for more than 15 minutes in total. That is only because three rip-roaring battle sequences must be conducted with all participants maintaining a straight face. It does help this boisterous B-movie that the title role has been claimed by the one and only Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. He’s every bit the right fit for a lighter, brighter and swifter take on the Hercules legend. Co-stars Ian McShane, Rufus Sewell.