Mega weekend free-to-air movie guide
It’s a blockbuster line-up of movies on free-to-air TV this weekend. Leigh Paatsch rates every movie on the box so you can pick a great flick for your mask-free night in.
Leigh Paatsch
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SATURDAY
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: ROGUE NATION
***
SAT 7:30 PM 7MATE
This fifth instalment in the Mission: Impossible series divides neatly in two. The half that is nothing but set-piece stunts, chases, fights and drops from great heights are a pulpy pleasure to witness. The other half? A preponderance of unpolished plotting truly takes the shine off everything. A convoluted and cockamamie yarn about a secret black-ops spy network killing world leaders for fun feels as if it has been lifted from the bad old days of Bond movies. You know, when Roger Moore ruled a ropy roost. Tom Cruise (looking a little ragged these days as franchise spearhead Ethan Hunt) goes OK enough, but everyone else has to stand around majorly explaining each minor development. Stay for the action and forget the rest.
DADDY’S HOME 2
*1/2
SAT 7:30 PM CH. 9
Just as Bad Moms 2 added some bad grandmoms to the mix, Daddy’s Home 2 wheels in a pair of dysfunctional grandpas (Mel Gibson and John Lithgow) and hopes in vain for the best. Sadly, the results end up just as lame and lazy as they were in the original, though with a bitter aftertaste (lessness) that was never there before. The core set-up remains a frustratingly fixed proposition: Will Ferrell (nerdy and nervous) and Mark Wahlberg (cool and confident) are duelling dads bickering over how to best raise the tribe of kids they both have access to. While there are a few well-executed slapstick sequences (a strong suit of Ferrell), much of the film’s humour is worryingly off the mark (children bearing firearms and passing out drunk? really?).
WRATH OF THE TITANS
*
SAT 10:10 PM 7MATE
Shoddy sequel to the crap-tastic “epic” Clash of the Titans. Loads more Ancient Greek angst is dumped on the mighty half-man-half-whatever Perseus (Australia’s Sam Worthington). Meanwhile, the angry gods up on Mount Olympus are about to bring their brawling down to sea level. Mostly terrible, save for the rare sensational special-effect. Worthington phones-in his performance from a long way away. It’s as if he just stepped off his equally awful thriller Man on a Ledge and landed in a leather tunic. Co-stars Liam Neeson, Rosamund Pike.
SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE
***1/2
8:45PM 7FLIX
During an action-packed week at her beach house, a lonely playwright (Diane Keaton) must suddenly choose between the amorous intentions of a veteran playboy (Jack Nicholson) and a strapping young doctor (Keanu Reeves). A refreshing romantic comedy crowd-pleaser where the lead characters are not only unafraid to look their age, but they quite often act it too.
BLOCKERS
***1/2
SAT 9:30 PM CH. 9
What gives Blockers a consistent, winning ability to amuse is both a refreshing new take on the teen sex comedy, and its obvious accessibility. The three BFFs (Kathryn Newton, Gideon Adlon, Geraldine Viswanathan) making a pact to lose their virginity on prom night are sensible, smart and female. Throughout movie history, that job has traditionally gone to males with low IQs and high libidos. Meanwhile, the three parents (Leslie Mann, John Cena, Ike Barinholtz) making it their business to lose their mind represent just about every adult with a teenage daughter in their family. OK, so it ain’t Shakespeare by any stretch. However, when the gags get on a roll, Blockers is as funny as any mainstream comedy released in the past few years. (As an added bonus, it is also slightly cleverer than its trailer is letting on, too.) There are some out-there sequences that do earn the movie its MA15+ rating, but nothing an endearingly game cast can’t ultimately sell to doubters with ease.
SHANE
****1/2
SAT 7:00 PM GEM
Now almost 70 years of age, this classic Western has lost none of its ability to play upon the emotions of viewers like a grand piano. Alan Ladd plays a world-weary gunfighter looking to turn over a new leaf by working as a farmhand for a battling prairie family. A gulf opens up between right and wrong that no-one ever gets over. Especially young Joey (Brandon DeWilde), who worships the ground Shane walks on.
THE MECHANIC
**1/2
SAT 9:25 PM GEM
A sort-of-remake of a sort-of-OK Charles Bronson pic from the 70s. Jason Statham plays Arthur Bishop, considered the best hitman in the business. Because no-one knows he is in the business. After reluctantly following orders to terminate an elderly fellow employee (Donald Sutherland), Arthur somehow finds himself mentoring the old coot’s son (Ben Foster) in the ways of the whack. There is a bit of fizz between Statham and Foster that saves the copious weapon-and-whuppin’ stuff from getting too generic.
DESPICABLE ME 3
***
SAT 7:00 PM GO!
This top-notch animated adventure goes close to matching the original in its ability to consistently engage, excite and amuse. While curmudgeonly Gru (Steve Carell) has changed his evil ways, that won’t stop his long-lost brother Dru (Carell again) from coaxing him back to the dark side. With the Minions spending much of the movie serving jail time, the best laughs go to new supervillain Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker), the most sinister former child star of all time.
JOE DIRT
*
SAT 10:30 PM GO!
If life was a box of chocolates for Forrest Gump, then it is a box of doggie-doo that only looks like chocolates for the misbegotten mullet-wearing Joe Dirt (David Spade). In place of anything resembling a plot, the movie wheels-out a tired collection of set-piece gross-outs for Joe to endure. A healthy (is that the right word?) proportion of the gags involve the zero-hero getting the loop-de-loop from a pile of poop. For example, Joe befriends what he believes to be a meteorite, only to be informed it is the calcified cargo dropped from an aeroplane toilet. Then there is Joe’s discovery of a nuclear warhead, which is really the catchment tank from (wouldn’t you know it?) the toilet of a campervan. This does not stop Joe from going ahead and detonating the thing anyway, which immediately covers him in … need I say anymore?
THE KING’S SPEECH (M)
****
SAT 8:30 PM SBS
A superior historical drama, and a sincerely inspiring movie experience. Tells the little-known story of how a reluctant British monarch overcame a debilitating stammer with the aid of an unconventional speech therapist from Australia. Colin Firth netted a Best Actor Oscar for his powerhouse portrayal of King George VI, a complicated man forced to take the throne under extraordinary circumstances. Geoffrey Rush chimes in with equally brilliant work as Lionel Logue, a cagey, self-taught voice coach who gets his patient talking at a time his people really need to hear from him. Co-stars Guy Pearce, Helena Bonham Carter.
ALPHA
***
SAT 6:40 PM WORLD MOVIES
Long before dogs had their day – some 20,000 years ago, to be exact – another species had an impressive tryout for the job as man’s best friend. This is the story of a hardy Arctic wolf named Alpha, and how she buddied-up big-time with Keda (Australian star Kodi Smit-McPhee), the only son of the chief of a nomadic tribe. On his very first hunting expedition, Keda gets on the wrong side of a rampaging pack of bison and takes a tumble over a ledge. Left for dead, Keda faces an impossibly arduous journey home until a chance encounter with the kindly and clever Alpha. What follows is a stark, yet stunningly mounted adventure odyssey, wherein boy and wolf must meld minds to continually elude every danger nature sends their way. Younger viewers (boys in particular) will plug into this experience on an easy-to-follow, coming-of-Ice-Age level. Older onlookers won’t mind it either as a shorter, sweeter version of The Revenant, minus the murders and revenge killings, of course!
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
****
SAT 8:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
Woody Allen’s glorious love letter to Paris stands as the last great work of the veteran American filmmaker. Owen Wilson plays Gil, a Hollywood screenwriter holidaying in the French capital with an antsy fiancee (Rachel McAdams) and her overbearing parents. One fateful night, Gil stumbles upon a miraculous part of the city where the long-gone Paris he has always nostalgically pined for suddenly returns to life. Something of a fairytale for lovers of art, literature and love itself, the film is beautiful to look at and abundant with charm. Co-stars Marion Cotillard, Adrien Brody, Michael Sheen, Carla Bruni.
VENUS
***1/2
SAT 10:15 PM WORLD MOVIES
A master class in acting from the great Peter O’Toole is the calling card of this poised and involving comedy-drama. O’Toole plays an elderly actor who finally makes sense of a self-destructive pursuit of youth and beauty when he befriends a sullen young woman almost six decades his junior (impressive newcomer Jodie Whittaker). This is a fearless and wilfully challenging performance that changes shape, yet remains wholly recognisable at all times.
INSIDE MAN
****1/2
SAT 10:35 PM NITV
A cocky bank robber (Clive Owen) declares he has executed the perfect heist, and this rip-roaring crime caper flick challenges its audience to work out how he did it. Even after a tense siege in a New York bank and the later cross-examination of hostages by a bamboozled cop (Denzel Washington), you will still be guessing right to the very end. The best of its kind since The Usual Suspects. Highly recommended. Co-stars Jodie Foster, Willem Dafoe, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Christopher Plummer. Directed by Spike Lee (Blackkklansman).
SUNDAY
DIE HARD (M)
***1/2
SUN 8.30PM 7MATE
This prime dose of old-school Bruce Willis still holds its own. Armed with not much more than a singlet and his own hair, Brucey goes solo against a tribe of bad dudes inside the confines of a skyscraper and somehow reduces it to a level playing field. From the superb pacing through to the sarcastically sinister villainy of Alan Rickman, this remains a crucial template for the modern action film.
PITCH PERFECT 3
***
SUN 7:30 PM GO!
If ever a flimsy film franchise was going to fold in on itself by instalment three, you would bet the house it would be Pitch Perfect. So credit where it is due to the makers of PP3: this final collection of the a capella antics of the Barden Bellas stands up surprisingly OK. Nevertheless, it should be stated that this is best addressed as a fans-only affair. If you haven’t already succumbed to the selective charms of Beca (Anna Kendrick), Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) and the gang, there is nothing here that is about to change your mind. However, those who have happily held a torch for all things Pitch Perfect will be quite excited by an unlikely change of direction. At its core, there is a lightweight action-adventure plot propelling the movie. That’s right. Between the sudden singalongs and stoo-pid running jokes, there will be gunfire and explosions as the Bellas work as entertainers for the US military all over Europe. Co-stars Elizabeth Banks, Ruby Rose, John Lithgow.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
***
SUN 9:25 PM GO!
The frenetic and funny first hour of this enjoyable rom-com is all that really matters here. The moment well-cast stars Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake begin yammering and hammering away at one another, there’s a palpable chemistry in play that swiftly reassures you everything is going to be quite OK. The plots asks the same question as the recent No Strings Attached – can a man and a woman share a strictly physical relationship without any complications whatsoever? – but has a much cleverer answer. The final act fizzles out into cliche, but all that has gone before counts for something. A fine little date flick.
BELLE
***
SUN 6:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
Viewers won’t be shaken by this true story so much as mildly stirred as they follow the title character’s unusual path through British society in the 1700s. Orphaned as “a young person of colour” – the era’s polite label for those not lucky enough to be born white – Belle (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) has been raised in the privileged household of a powerful judge. When her esteemed guardian (Tom Wilkinson) is forced to rule on a landmark case with major implications for the legality of human slavery, Belle has an opportunity to change the course of history for the better. A pedestrian period drama stuffed to the brim with heated words and frosty glances exchanged in lavishly appointed drawing rooms. If an episode of Downton Abbey booted back a few centuries appeals, step right up.
COLD WAR
****
SUN 9:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
Fans of great international cinema should put this multiple-Oscar-nominated gem to the top of their to-watch list. A compelling, achingly moving story commences in Poland in 1949, where a middle-aged pianist, Wiktor (Tomasz Kot), meets an ambitious singer in her twenties, Zula (a luminous Joanna Kulig). Despite some considerable musical and personal differences, the pair fall hard for each other, prompting Wiktor to harbour thoughts of a new and better life with Zula on the other side of the Iron Curtain. A spellbinding use of evocative music and black-and-white cinematography propels a movie of deep and lasting atmosphere. Despite an economical running time, Cold War works through a breathtaking range of emotions lived in the moment, and fateful decisions which must be lived with forevermore. A triumph for filmmaker Pawel Pawlikowski (Ida).