Leigh Paatsch reviews Fast and Furious 9

Making nine movies about cars racing on roads would be boring. So Fast and Furious 9 decided to drive a car in space. Do they pull it off?

There will come a time – heck, it will just be a matter of weeks, really – when Fast & Furious 9 will simply be known as The One Where They Drive A Car In Space.

Now, let’s be clear. We are not talking about a drag race on the surface of the moon, a car chase across Mars, or even a vintage Pontiac skidding sideways on the rings of Saturn.

That would just be silly.

If the Fast & Furious franchise is known for anything, it is for the application of rigorous, documentary-like standards when it comes to authenticity on screen.

So, this is not a drill, people. Therefore I must repeat: Fast & Furious 9 is The One Where They Drive A Car In Space.

Get over it now, or get a ticket to something else.

Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel in Fast and Furious 9.

So where does this new one sit in the pedal-to-the-metal pantheon of Fast & Furious flicks?

Well, if you put ‘em all on a starting grid, you’d probably find Fast 9 somewhere in the middle. Perhaps even down the back a bit.

The set-piece, stunts-at-high-speed sequences cannot really be faulted here, even if they do rely too obviously on some computer-generated fuel additives in post-production.

There’s a ripping retro racetrack flashback to the days when Dom Toretto’s dad was a speedcar ace.

An extended multi-vehicle chase across treacherous off-road terrain somewhere south of the equator – and a busier, fizzier reprise on the streets of London – also deliver the kind of adrenalised spectacle longtime Fast fans have come to expect.

Michelle Rodriguez as Letty in F9.

However, there is also a lot of storytelling junk in the trunk of Fast 9 that can slow it down to an unsatisfactory cruising speed.

All efforts to jump-start anything associated with the much-maligned Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift are a waste of both the filmmakers’ energies and the audience’s patience.

A goofy gimmick where the Toretto gang’s cars are kitted out with super-magnets – which are turned on or off by using a dial yanked off an old AM radio – never really catches on.

Keeping the arch-villainess Cipher (Charlize Theron) cooped up in a glass box for most of the movie isn’t much of a good idea either.

Of course, there will be 100 opportunities for franchise figurehead Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) to (sigh) remind everyone watching that “it is all about family.”

It is also all about Team Toretto saving the world from a computer virus that will cede all control of the planet to a rich and sinister madman.

John Cena also proves himself to be a passable addition to the franchise ensemble – especially now that Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham are gone – as Dom’s long-lost bro Jakob.

Oh, and did I mention that a car will be driven in space?

All that remains after this, I guess, is for Dom Toretto to crash a Corvette into the Earth’s core.

Whoops. I think I just gave away the plot of Fast & Furious 10.

Fast & Furious 9 (M)

In space, no-one can hear you skid

Director: Justin Lin (Fast & Furious 6)

Starring: Vin Diesel, John Cena, Charlize Theron, Michelle Rodriguez.

Rating:★★★