Leigh Paatsch: Mega free-to-air weekend movie guide
A blockbuster line-up of movies is on offer on free-to-air TV over the coming nights. Leigh Paatsch rates all the entertainment offerings for the weekend.
Leigh Paatsch
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FRIDAY
THE TOWN
****
11:30 PM CHANNEL 7
The title of The Town refers to an area of suburban Boston known as Charlestown. According to Chuck Hogan’s novel Prince of Thieves - from which this excellent film has been adapted - there are “more armed robbers per square mile” in Charlestown than anywhere else in the world. Ben Affleck stars as the leader of a smash’n’grab gang who begins a relationship with a woman held hostage during a recent heist. However, if you assume that The Town is going to suddenly shrivel down into a regular doomed love-story scenario, you will be sorely mistaken. The wild card in the pack here is Affleck’s exemplary work as director and co-writer, which can be likened to Martin Scorsese’s award-winning efforts on The Departed. Co-stars Jeremy Renner, Rebecca Hall.
THE MOUNTAIN BETWEEN US
**
9:00 PM 7FLIX
In this ineffectual adventure drama starring Kate Winslet and Idris Elba, the only way is down ... and down, and down. As we all know, Winslet famously survived the sinking of the Titanic many years ago. So shrugging off a plane crash on an icy mountain should be a breeze. Especially when there’s a man mountain like Elba around for back-up. Somewhat conveniently, Elba is playing a doctor, so any injuries sustained by he and Winslet (the sole survivors of the unplanned landing, along with a friendly dog) can be dealt with on the spot. For what is supposed to be a stirring tale of survival against incredible odds, everything depicted here gives off a stilted vibe that does not invite your complete involvement. Never has there been a movie game played for such low stakes at high altitude. Particularly when Winslet and Elba convey all the urgency and desperation of a couple who can’t find their vehicle in a busy shopping centre car park.
THE SPECTACULAR NOW
****
11:20 PM 7FLIX
An unpolished gem finding new life and surprising depth in a genre most have written off as dormant and shallow. This might be a high-school romance affair, but it is one which doesn’t play by the predictable rules. Aimee (Shailene Woodley) has never had a boyfriend like Sutter (Miles Teller) before. In fact, she has never had a boyfriend, full stop. She’s led a sheltered life until now. As for Sutter, he’s been out in the open for too long. The lad has the makings of a serious drinking problem. Like last year’s Perks of Being a Wallflower, this excellent movie convincingly charts the many dramas that are part of being a teenager. The sincere chemistry that evolves between Woodley and Teller across the picture never lets its intensity nor intimacy flag for a moment. Viewers who lock into the precise storytelling frequency transmitted here will be rewarded with a connection that will continue to stir the emotions well after it is over. Co-stars Jennifer Jason Leigh, Bob Odenkirk.
THE MECHANIC
**1/2
10:30 PM CHANNEL 9
A sort-of-remake of a sort-of-OK Charles Bronson pic from the 70s. Jason Statham plays Arthur Bishop, considered the best hitman in the business. Because no-one knows he is in the business. After reluctantly following orders to terminate an elderly fellow employee (Donald Sutherland), Arthur somehow finds himself mentoring the old coot’s son (Ben Foster) in the ways of the whack. There is a bit of fizz between Statham and Foster that saves the copious weapon-and-whuppin’ stuff from getting too generic.
PANIC ROOM
****
10:45 PM GEM
Creatively creepy home-invasion thriller, in which a single mother (Jodie Foster) and her teenage daughter (Kristen Stewart) try to make it through the first night in a new house that has been over-run by three vicious burglars. Yet more top-shelf terror from director David Fincher, the man behind such popular pulse-pounders as Seven, The Game and Fight Club. A strong display by Foster (in a part originally intended for Nicole Kidman) is backed-up by a strong supporting cast, including Forest Whitaker, Jared Leto and Dwight Yoakam.
GIFTED
***
8.40 PM GEM
This modest light drama benefits strongly from the casual warmth and careful intelligence Chris Evans finds in the role of Frank, uncle and sole guardian of a seven-year-old girl showing signs of rare mathematical genius. Pointedly precocious, yet never obnoxious, Mary (McKenna Grace) becomes caught in a torrid custody battle sparked by the reappearance of her long-lost grandmother (Lindsay Duncan). Frank then complicates matters further by falling in love with Bonnie (Jenny Slate), Mary’s favourite teacher. The differing connections Evans makes with all three of his female co-stars gives the movie an inviting, involving quality it could easily have lacked given the familiar ground covered here.
SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN
***1/2
7:30 PM GO!
For a creaky old fairy tale considered by many to be past its bedtime story prime, this Snow White turns out to be much, much better than expected. The tone of the picture - a little darker, and a lot more dangerous than your regular-strength Snow Whites - harkens back to the original version of the story. Death, demonic intent and a diabolically down-and-out world are forces that must be regularly reckoned with the title heroine, ably played by Kristen Stewart. Thankfully, she’s snapped out of that swoony, sleepwalking thing that’s been getting her through the Twilight films. Charlize Theron is madness and badness personified as the evil queen Ravenna, while Australia’s Chris *Thor* Hemsworth adds the right dashes of he-manliness as the Huntsman. The seven dwarves (news flash : there’s actually eight of ‘em!) are a blast as well.
HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS
*
10:00 PM GO!
Just as the world huffed a collective “what the ...?” at 2012’s Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter, this junky offering is equally, hopelessly unnecessary. The famous fairytale is merely a leaping-off point for an addled action-fantasy-horror-comedy combo. And when it does take that jump, all potential to entertain, excite or amuse just keeps on plummeting. Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) are a bro-sis witch-killing machine, always at the ready to whack anyone with a wand, a pointy black hat, or a flying broomstick.
TRACKS
**
7:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
A wistfully dull, yet wilfully self-important account of adventurer Robyn Davidson’s epic trek across the outback in 1977. For much of the marathon stroll, Davidson (played by Mia Wasikowska) has only four ugly camels and one cute dog to keep her company. Little of note nor urgency happens along the way. There’s a quasi-ambush by a gaggle of feral camels, soon repelled with a few blasts of a shotgun. The pooch eats something it shouldn’t have. Davidson gets on the wrong side of some Aboriginal elders, then meets a delightful old tracker named Eddie (Roly Mintuma). An American photographer gets on her nerves, and then into her sleeping bag. That’s about all there is to Tracks. A weak script struggles to find any discernible motivation for Davidson’s quest, aside from the fact she was a bit of a rebel, a bit of a loner and a bit of a grump. A pointed example of how a great true story doesn’t always make for truly good cinema.
ARCTIC
****
9:35 PM WORLD MOVIES
Do you recall those stirring solo survival skills of Tom Hanks in Cast Away? Or Matt Damon in The Martian? What about Shailene Woodley in Adrift? Well, this self-sufficient lot now have some great company in the forlornly determined form of Mads Mikkelsen in Arctic. The great Danish actor of The Hunt and TV’s Hannibal fame plays Overgard, a cargo pilot whose plane has crashed in a region that is too close to the North Pole for any living being’s comfort. We are given no details as to how long he has been there, who he is working for, or who might be waiting for him back home. All we do know is that supplies are almost gone, and that the possibility of rescue is minimal. Nevertheless, as we become familiar with Overgard’s daily routine - divided evenly between looking for food and keeping his SOS system intact - we sense something in him that inspires hope. A minimalist action picture achieves maximum impact thanks to Mikkelsen’s rugged, yet tender portrayal of a man whose only choice is to chill, or be chilled.
SATURDAY
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: SECRET OF THE TOMB
***
7:00 PM 7MATE
Fans of the Night at the Museum effect will be content enough with this final offering, which sees Ben Stiller and friends leaving America behind for a tour of duty in England. The core charm of the series has always revolved around fusty old exhibits coming to life after opening hours, and the novelty still hasn’t quite worn off. There’s some nice support work from new franchise addition Rebel Wilson, and the prominence of Robin Williams (in one of his final screen appearances) throughout adds a layer of poignancy to events. Co-stars Owen Wilson, Steve Coogan, Ricky Gervais.
WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES
****
9:00 PM 7MATE
It is very rare for a movie trilogy to continue trending upwards in quality across all instalments. Not only has the modern incarnation of the Planet of the Apes saga gone right on bettering itself at every opportunity. It has also roams an exalted plane of entertainment few blockbusters ever reach : crafting fare of a fine calibre that equally satisfies thrill seekers and deep thinkers alike. This superb latest effort (which shares more in common with an old-fashioned epic western than a conventional war picture) is a skilfully calibrated tale of revenge, regret and redemption. At the junction of all intersecting plotlines stands the mighty Simian leader Caesar (yet another stunning portrayal by the master of motion-capture performance, Andy Serkis), whose apey, breaky heart has grown heavier in the years since his species gained superiority over the human enemy. Now Caesar lives for nothing else but getting square with the rogue military strongman (Woody Harrelson) responsible for the death of his wife and child.
THE GUERNSEY LITERARY
**1/2
7:00 PM 7FLIX
A perfectly amiable ball of period-era fluff which drifts attractively across the screen, but may not be landing in your memory for long. The year is 1946, and the dainty little Channel Island of Guernsey is back under British rule after German occupation during World War Two. Meanwhile, in London, an author of dainty little books wishes to write something of substance. Juliet Ashton (Lily James) is poised to become the J.K. Rowling of her day until, against the advice of her publisher, she suddenly makes tracks for Guernsey to research a story near, dear and painfully tender to a small community there. In an act of gentle defiance against the Nazis, a tiny book group met in secret throughout wartime with no agenda other than a shared love of fine writing and good company. Several members paid a hefty price for their allegiance to the clandestine club, and are reluctant to relive what they went through.
JULIE AND JULIA
***
10:00 PM CHANNEL 9
A pleasant food-centric combo of biopic and light comedy from director Nora Ephron (When Harry Met Sally). The amazing Meryl Streep dominates as she usually does, filling the story of legendary American chef Julia Child with great humour and a commanding presence. Child’s boisterous love of life and her deep passion for French cuisine literally come rushing out of the screen at you. Co-star Amy Adams just cannot compete, playing a cookery blogger following Child’s recipes and words of wisdom several decades after the fact.
SHAFT (MA15+)
**1/2
9:45 PM GEM
In a perfect world, this respectable (enough) remake of the 1970s blaxploitation classic Shaft should have been remembered for coining a viral catchphrase to rival Jerry Maguire’s “Show me the money!” In the closest this straightforward action pic gets near a love scene, a generously-proportioned barmaid enquires of the title character (Samuel L. Jackson) whether he will be paying attention to certain regions of her anatomy in the near future. With a disarming air of self-assurance that stops just short of winking direct to camera, Mr Shaft replies “it’s my dooty to please that booty!”
21 JUMP STREET
****
8:45 PM GO!
Don’t be fooled by the tacky exterior. Dumb comedies with real smarts as sharp as this do not come around so often. Fans of the iconic 80s TV show should be warned this hilarious affair is not a remake, reboot or rehash in any shape or form. The filmmakers have lifted the brand and the ridiculous premise - mature-age cops going undercover as teenage students at a crime-riddled high school - and left the rest out. Channing Tatum (The Vow) and Jonah Hill (Superbad) play two pathetic policemen with a lot to learn once they hit the classroom once more. The best of its kind since the iconic idiot-fest Anchorman.
ALI G INDAHOUSE
**
10:55 PM GO!
Sacha Baron Cohen’s tryhard in a tracksuit that became a comedy phenomenon didn’t quite make the crossover from TV to movies in this disappointingly inconsistent British comedy. A tendency to steer all humour towards the toilet and to just keep flushing means this will only appeal to the most forgiving fans of Ali G.
I AM LEGEND
****
8:30 PM 10 SHAKE
After a virus wipes out almost all civilised life, the last man left standing in New York City works on finding a cure. A frightening, confronting and totally immersive action picture. A proven reassuring presence in any circumstances, star Will Smith excels himself here : not only carrying the entire picture on his own, but keeping the audience at his side throughout. The film functions equally effectively as a technical achievement, particularly in the scenes establishing an empty, eerie New York as a strangely serene urban wasteland.
LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS
***
8:35 PM WORLD MOVIES
One of the better rom-coms of the past decade is set in the late 1990s, where a happy-go-lucky Viagra salesman (Jake Gyllenhaal) falls for a bohemian type (Anne Hathaway) in the early stages of Parkinson’s Disease. Curiously, the film achieves lift-off whenever sticking to the ground rules of the boy-meets-girl genre. The two leads share a real and salaciously reckless screen chemistry that presents secondhand material in as-new condition. (And just might make you blush as well!) Unfortunately, the dramatic realities of the Parkinson’s issue are given short shrift by the filmmakers, leaving one to think this is a good film that could have been great. Co-stars Oliver Platt, Hank Azaria, Judy Greer.
SUNDAY
AQUAMAN
**1/2
9:45 PM CHANNEL 7
Meet Aquaman. Swims like a fish strapped to a rocket. Swaggers like a pro wrestler who has never lost a bout. Splits his time between a royal palace on the ocean floor, and a grungy dive bar on dry land. And the movie which bears his name? It stays afloat for a while as a genuine must-see, until slowly sinking to the depths of a must-we? by the end of 143 water-logged minutes. If you feel refreshed in any way by dipping into this middling, muddling blockbuster, there is just one person to thank. Leading man Jason Momoa has charisma to burn - and great comic smarts, too - and makes a great fit for the marine-man-mountain that is Aquaman. If you subscribe to the general consensus that DC superhero flicks are never as good as a Marvel- made movie, you won’t see anything to change your mind here. As for the special effects, the ever- undulating visuals during the all-important underwater action scenes never quite pack the wow-factor expected from a massive $225 million production. Co-stars Amber Heard, Patrick Wilson, Nicole Kidman.
TAMMY
*
8:30 PM 7 FLIX
A winning support effort in the 2011 smash hit Bridesmaids was the perfect showcase for Melissa McCarthy’s innate ability to appal as she amuses. However, when at the wheel of her own star vehicles (The Heat, Identity Thief), McCarthy seems incapable of finding a way to the funny. If only they made GPS systems for senses of humour. The title role has McCarthy taking her alcoholic granny (Susan Sarandon) on a reckless road trip, where jet-skis will be crashed, livers will be trashed and a father-and-son farmer duo (Gary Cole and Mark Duplass) will be pashed. The joke-to-laugh ratio is low at best, and a flat zero during some ill-advised scenes.
STRIPTEASE
*1/2
10:30 PM
Meet Erin Grant (Demi Moore), a struggling working mom who is forced to hit the bump’n’grind circuit after losing the custody of her daughter to a redneck hubby (Robert Patrick). Before Erin even waves a tassle in her new occupation, she finds herself way over her head in some lame-brained cover-up involving a sleazy congressman (Burt Reynolds) and the local Mafia. The distraction of waiting for Moore to disrobe is mistaken by director Andrew Bergman (Honeymoon In Vegas) for building anticipation within the audience. Slack stuff.
THE MAN FROM SNOWY RIVER
***
8:40 PM GEM
The late, great Kirk Douglas fronts an enjoyably rustic take on a classic Aussie yarn. No stunner by any means, but has lost no friends over the years whatsoever.
KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD
**1/2
7:30 PM GO!
Just as it is apparent what this frenetically-paced action-fantasy blockbuster might have been, there can be no mistaking what it is. And that is a mess. It can be very enjoyable, even exciting, at times. Director Guy Ritchie is out to remix the Arthurian legend with the same anything-goes verve that he applied so successfully to Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock Holmes output. When it is simply a young, hungry and hard-up Arthur (Charlie Hunnam) kicking back with the lads of the Round Table, the movie’s knockabout charm is hard to resist. However, when it’s time for some computer-generated spectacle to fuel the mythic mayhem that will help Arthur conquer Camelot, the movie forgets how to be fun for a while. The push-pull effect gets quite annoying, as Ritchie was on to something here, and the obligations that come with filling out a mammoth $200 million production have pulled him way off-course. Co-stars Jude Law, Astrid Berges- Frisbey, Eric Bana.
IMMORTALS
**
10:00 PM GO!
An unfortunate choice of title, given the memory of this bloody and rather bonkers mash-up of ancient Greek myths is dead to most of the planet. Some extreme, 300-style violence is counter-balanced by some extremely over-the-top visuals. Superman-in-waiting Henry Cavill acquits himself well, but chief villain Mickey Rourke quits anything resembling acting whenever he so much as breathes.
AMERICAN ANIMALS
***1/2
10:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
Heist movies typically leave no incriminating tracks whatsoever. We get bedazzled by the moving parts of a complicated job going like clockwork. The notion of the law being broken is always forgiven and often forgotten. American Animals is not your typical heist movie The ‘big job’ here has all the efficiency of a broken watch. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong, inviting a different level of tension into the mix altogether. This is the true(ish) story of a bunch of Kentucky college kids who hatched a plan to lift a few million bucks’ worth of priceless books from a local library. These fresh-faced perps are not rocket scientists, it is fair to say. In fact, it is a miracle they even got their (im)perfect crime off the launchpad at all. The movie is structured as an odd, yet effective blend of staged dramatic re-enactments mixed with interviews with the older-but-no-wiser participants in the scheme. A fine movie which would also make for a ripping multi-part podcast. Stars Barry Keoghan, Evan Peters.
GOMORRAH
****
9:30 PM WORLD MOVIES
An intensive and exhausting study of organised crime, Gomorrah holds back on the glamour and goes full-bore with the graft. Based on the international best-seller by Italian journalist Roberto Saviano - now living in protective custody after multiple contracts were put on his head - Gomorrah examines the workings of the Camorra, a mafia-like group who dominate the region around Naples. Shot like a documentary in a live war zone, the film tangles the viewer in the connected fates of a host of characters. Some are desperate to get into the Camorra. Some wish there was a way out. Most are content to accept the mob as a part of everyday life.