MasterChef judge Jock Zonfrillo on the moment he decided to quit heroin
Jock Zonfrillo has opened up about his “many regrets” in life, including heroin addiction and the closure of his restaurant.
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Jock Zonfrillo did his last shot of heroin on New Year’s Eve 1999, in the toilets at Heathrow Airport.
He was 23 and he’d been hiding his crippling addiction from his loved ones for years.
Zonfrillo knew it had to stop. He could not keep living the way he was, shooting up in toilets, feeling physically ill and constantly guilty.
“I remember thinking: ‘This is the last-ever time. This is the last shot.’ I would never take drugs again. When the plane landed in Sydney I’d be free of all of that,” Zonfrillo writes in his memoir Last Shot.
And he was free – with a fresh start in Australia as head chef of Restaurant Forty One – leaving that sordid past behind and relieved at never having to face his guilty secret again. Or so he thought.
Fast forward to 2014, when an article broke the story Zonfrillo was once a heroin addict.
Reliving that day was the most harrowing part of writing his memoirs.
“I think it was one of the most horrible days of my life, without question, Lisa,” Zonfrillo shares as we chat down the line from Melbourne.
“I had to sit the kids down and tell them. And tell my mum and dad. And my ex-wife. Just the feeling of that was absolutely horrid. That was the hardest part to write because it brings back all of those emotions. Once I got over how vulnerable I was, all of a sudden there was a sense of relief that that secret that was mine for so long was now revealed.”
There’s no sugar coating in the 370-page memoir, Zonfrillo owns his mistakes and shares his regrets.
So was it therapeutic to delve into his past and share his side of the story?
“No. F--- no. It was horrific,” Zonfrillo says.
“I found it so hard for so many reasons. Just writing it was one thing, but dealing with the bad decisions you’ve made all at one time … it’s a hard card. It’s pretty tough.
“I own every single bad decision I’ve made. And I’ve made a lot of them.”
While he was comfortable with the decision to share his story, writing – unlike his prodigious talent for cooking – did not come naturally.
It took a good six months of “hard” procrastinating before the words started, let alone flowed.
Zonfrillo laughs as he shares he went and bought himself a super-nice pen and a moleskin notebook.
When they didn’t help, he bought a laptop and downloaded a journal app.
Then he decided he needed an iPad and a stylus pen.
A new laptop and more apps still didn’t undo his serious case of writer’s block.
Wife Lauren walked in on him one day staring at the screen and suggested he turn to fellow Scotsman, and great mate, singer Jimmy Barnes, who wrote best-selling biographies Working Class Boy and Working Class Man and has penned the foreword to Last Shot.
The result is out now, and some reviewers have suggested his story is a cross between the iconic gritty Scottish movie Trainspotting and Kitchen Confidential.
“It makes sense – there’s a lot of heroin and drug use and the cheffy harsh reality,” Zonfrillo laughs, but demurs when asked who should play him in the movie.
“Look, this is a whole new world for me. People keep saying: ‘Hey, we want to make a movie out of your book.’ And I’m like ‘oh yeah, sure’. But then there’s follow-up emails and you starting going ‘oh OK, they’re serious’.
“Some have suggested (Scottish actor) James McAvoy for me now. But I think everybody is struggling to think of an upcoming Scottish actor to play the young me. I don’t know. I think I’ll have to leave that to the experts.”
From stealing cars at 11, to drugs and perpetually self-destructive behaviours in his early years, it’s a marvel Zonfrillo has made it to 45.
He’s philosophical as he ponders why he got into drugs. He grew up in a loving home with his Scottish hairdresser mum, Italian barber dad and older sister Carla.
Barry – as he was known then, his nickname Jock coming from his largely European colleagues in the Turnberry Hotel kitchen where he started his apprenticeship at 15 in the ’90s – wanted to be just like his Nonno Zonfrillo, surrounded by children and grandchildren.
“It wasn’t as if I grew up and didn’t have any shoes or something,” Zonfrillo explains.
“(My parents) came from a generation of parents who had no f---ing idea of what their kids were up to, or what the effects of drugs looked like or what they did to people.
“Me leaving home so young to go to work obviously had an impact as well. You are a child in an adults’ world, but you are among fully fledged adults who are completely unhinged for the best part. You are looking up to them as your mentors and teachers, so inevitably you end up mimicking their behaviour.”
It’s hard to reconcile that version of Zonfrillo with the exuberant judge on MasterChef who has helped breathe new life into the much-loved franchise with colleagues – and now firm friends – Melissa Leong and Andy Allen.
Worry beads in hand, he’s inspired conversations about mental health and been frank about his own struggles with anxiety.
Those beads, now very much part of his on-screen attire, caused huge audio issues initially for production. The team asked Zonfrillo to keep them in his pocket.
“And then Covid really hit and me – and a lot of people – were struggling. I ended up having them back in my hands again and I was like: ‘You’re going to have to deal with it. I’m not OK. I’ve got to get through this’,” he shares.
“It became normal and in that act of becoming normal – and Ten and production understanding – it showed that it was all right to have that conversation. I think so many people suffer from anxiety in one way or another.”
It’s not all doom and gloom. Zonfrillo’s obviously had some extraordinary successes, including winning Young Scottish Chef of the Year at 16, and starting his career with the ultimate rock star chef, Marco Pierre White, in his flagship restaurant in London’s Hyde Park.
But establishing Orana – his Adelaide restaurant, which showcased and put Indigenous ingredients on the map – and the subsequent establishment of the Orana Foundation are at the pinnacle of his career achievements.
It was heartbreaking for him to close Orana last year. And it took a huge toll on him mentally.
He and wife Loz had everything crossed they could re-open last August after the temporary Covid closure. When it became apparent the strict Covid restrictions meant it would not be viable, they made the gut-wrenching decision to close permanently.
The Orana closure was just part of what Zonfrillo calls his “timeline of s--t” last year, with allegations also in the media about Orana Foundation.
Loz was pregnant with Isla, which was already stressful after the difficult time she had carrying Alfie, who was born several weeks premature in February 2018.
He says he wouldn’t have survived without his strong partnership with Lauren.
The couple – who married on New Year’s Day 2017 in a beach ceremony on Mnemba Island in Tanzania – now live in Melbourne with their two children, Alfie and Isla.
Zonfrillo’s eldest daughter Ava joined them in the first wave of Covid.
And while the pandemic wreaked havoc on so many things, the silver lining is that Zonfrillo has had time to just be with his youngest two.
It wasn’t that way with Ava and his second daughter Sofia.
While he misses Orana and the restaurant game, for now he’s content to mix family time with MasterChef duties and other business interests.
He’s been approached to reopen his award-winning restaurant in Sydney or Melbourne.
“People want it back and believe it’s an important part of Australia,” he shares.
“I just don’t know. My nonno always said ‘if it’s not clear what the right choice is, then don’t do anything until it is clear’.”
As Zonfrillo says, the highs more than outweigh the lows.
“It’s fair to say I’ve had a lot of joy in my life and I’m thankful to have had the life I’ve had,” he shares.
“I’ve been very, very lucky. And I’m thankful that somehow, weirdly, I’ve managed to still be alive.”
Last Shot by Jock Zonfrillo (Simon & Schuster Australia $45) is out now.
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