Former Bachelor star Matt Agnew sick of ‘toxic masculinity’, says blokes need to step up

Former Bachelor star Matt Agnew has revealed how modern men should approach dating — and he says it’s time to step up.

Former Bachelor star and astrophysicist Matt Agnew has opened up on what it means to be a modern man, and how men should be behaving in the dating scene.

He said in a world full of biases and assumptions about gender and dating, it has never been more important for men to step up.

Fresh research from Bumble has revealed 74 per cent of male users of the app have a clearer understanding of what toxic masculinity means and Dr Agnew said while this was encouraging, it’s still not enough.

The self-proclaimed “space nerd” has raised a clarion call for men to “do better” in the dating scene.

“We’ve seen that three-quarters of men are examining their behaviours which is certainly a positive trend, but it also highlights that we’ve still got 25 per cent of men not doing this,” Dr Agnew said.

“We need to make sure men are dating in a respectful and safe way, so that women or other men or non-binary people feel comfortable and safe in those spaces.”

Dr Agnew said in order for healthy expressions of masculinity to emerge, a renaissance of male role models was required.

Dr Matt Agnew says boys and men need strong male role models. Picture: Nicki Connolly

“The presence of strong male role models is one thing that could make the biggest impact and change in our society, and it’s something that boys and young men don’t often have.

“In the absence of positive role models, that vacuum gets filled with very toxic figures like Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan – which leaves young boys thinking that this is what the modern man looks like.

“A lot more men need to be vocal and champion better and stronger male role models.”

When imagining the perfect dating scene, Dr Agnew said it was a space where both parties, regardless of sex, gender or sexuality, could attend a date knowing they were safe and knowing they could bail without any qualms.

“Being open and candid is really important, and highlighting what your intentions are from the start so that everyone’s on board and doesn’t get hurt,” he said.

“The modern man is someone who is reliable and responsible. It’s someone who is empathetic and compassionate, they can express their feelings to friends comfortably, they can express their emotions in a healthy way.

“They exhibit strength by lifting others up, not by dominating or exhibiting physical strength. They stomp out and call out bad behaviours.

“I think they’re just very comfortable in their own skin. And whether that’s career, hobby, sexuality, they are very comfortable with who they are. They’re attributes that the modern man should strive to embody.”

Despite steering clear of dating for now, Dr Agnew said the direction the dating scene is headed was giving him hope.

Matt Agnew says modern men are just comfortable in their own skin. Picture: Nicki Connolly

“I think, ultimately, that confidence is surely the most universally attractive trait for anyone,” he said.

“I know there’s societal pressure for the man to be the one to ask the woman, but I guarantee that asking a man out will be received incredibly well — confidence and being self-assured is such an attractive quality.”

Similar to what is expected for the coming year, 2022 saw dating trends veering away from traditional relationship structures as people continue to interrogate social norms – and what they “should” be doing.

In particular, the popularity of the “situationship” swelled in 2022. A situationship is a new way of defining a relationship, described by Tinder as “more than a hook-up, but not quite a traditional relationship”.

“For Aussie members, the main reasons situationships were chosen as a preferred dating status were to give time to develop a relationship with less pressure and to help make way for friendships or other relationships to form,” the research from Tinder found.

There has been a 49 per cent increase in members adding “situationship” as a new relationship intention to their profiles.

Another surprising trend was the insurgence of the sober date, with many people staying off the booze while playing the field.

More than 80 per cent of Tinder users said on their profiles they don’t drink alcohol or only partake occasionally.

The trend correlated with a decrease in popularity of interests like “grabbing a drink” and “night-life”, while interest in travel, coffee and outdoor activities all shot upwards.