Time On: Justin Koschitzke opens up on darkest moments after head knock
Justin Koschitzke has revealed how a brutal head knock sent his mental health into a downward spiral, with the former Saint contemplating taking his own life in his lowest points since the incident.
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Kosi’s dark days
Former St Kilda star Justin Koschitzke has revealed he made an attempt to take his own life in his darkest days due to the effects of concussion and a deep mental health battle.
Koschitzke, who played 200 games before retiring in 2013, said that after a sickening collision in 2006 with Bulldogs player Daniel Giansiracusa, there was a danger he wouldn’t walk or talk again.
He said he largely kept it secret how much he was hurting.
“Yes, it was a constant thought,’’ Koschitzke admitted of taking his own life.
“And it’s easy to believe … you just get in a situation where you convince yourself that’s the best option.
“There was an immediate thought of, ‘You useless prick, you can’t even do that’. I’m still here. I guess it’s a bit of a blur because you’re not in your right mind, you’re not comprehending reality.”
Koschitzke spoke of an incident after his retirement that saw him fired from his job and sent him into a spiral.
“I got sacked for writing the car off. I told (work) it was a mistake and I was on the phone (at the time of the crash). I spent some time in Albury emergency heavily sedated and in a straight jacket … it saved me from myself. Other people around me were really scared and I put them in an untidy situation.”
Koschitzke, a No.2 draft pick in 2000, told interviewer Hamish McLachlan on his Channel 7 Unfiltered program that he can “relate” to people who have had Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) and committed suicide as a result.
“The symptoms of people that have struggled with (CTE) and ended up taking their lives with it, really relate to me,” Koschitzke said.
“(I kept thinking) it will pass … and this will get better, because you’re in an environment where you don’t want to lose respect from your teammates, you don’t want to give an inch, you want to be in your armour because someone else is taking your spot (in the team).
“What I thought was ‘manning up’, was to come back and play that year, but if I had my time again, there’s no way I would have played that year knowing what I know now.
“Maybe knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have played ever again.
“I can honestly say that. Why would I put myself in a situation to keep getting hit and keep getting hit knowing what I know and what I feel like as a 42-year-old.
“But back then you’re bulletproof, right? You think this is going to get better. Your legs are OK. No problem. Let’s go and play.
“But it was just the most ridiculously uncomfortable period.
“And running up the race with the helmet on going, ‘I’m not ready. I’m dizzy, I’m out of body,’ and with the thought of the neurologist going, ‘Jeez, I didn’t know if you were ever going to walk or talk again,’ and then you’ve actually got a game to think about. You’ve got tactics, you’ve got opposition, you’ve got a game plan, you’ve got a structure, you’ve got all of this.
“You’ve got to get yourself in a competitive environment, basically, when you’re having an anxiety attack.”
Koschitzke admitted he felt shame for his thoughts and wanting the Saints to lose so he didn’t have to go back on the field and play the next week, as reported by Time On on Tuesday.
Hird backs Clarko
Essendon great James Hird has opened up on how difficult it is to coach while dealing with off-field issues.
In discussing the situation with North Melbourne coach Alastair Clarkson and the side’s form slump, Hird revealed he struggled to cope as Bombers coach when the drugs saga engulfed him and the club.
Clarkson was faced with a big distraction after claims of historical racism at the Hawks when he was in charge. The four-time premiership coach was later cleared of any wrongdoing.
“It was not a lot of fun,’’ Hird said on Footy Classified.
“Obviously the Clarkson situation and my situation is very different. But in 2013 when the ASADA investigation opened, it was interesting because we had a really good year as a football team and I felt like I hadn’t lost my currency with the players.
“Even though going home and trying to deal with the off-field stuff and trying to deal with the ASADA investigation, it was very hard to deal with.
“When WADA opened back the investigation I felt my whole currency was gone with the players and within six weeks I knew I had to resign.
“I am not saying it’s the same as Alastair Clarkson, but the toll it takes on your family, on yourself, and trying to coach and getting the players to do what you want to do is very difficult.
“I feel for Alastair in the fact that dealing with off-field stuff and trying to be a coach is very difficult. And I think you can sense he is not quite back to where he was due to what has happened to him in the last couple of years.”
Hird backed Clarkson, saying he looked like a man down on confidence.
“I feel like you’re watching a guy there who’s lost confidence in (himself),’’ Hird said.
“He’s a great coach, he’s a four-time premiership coach, built that Hawthorn team and there’s no doubt he is a great coach and he’s lost that confidence in himself.”
‘It’s mine’: Buddy rejects wig talk
Buddy Franklin is sporting a new look and he’s declared it’s all natural.
The Hawthorn and Sydney great is growing his hair but has bristled at some, including former Hawks teammate Jarryd Roughead, suggesting it could be a wig.
“It was quite funny I caught up with Roughie a couple of weeks ago when I was down in Melbourne, he said all the boys think you’ve got a bit of a wig, fake hair,’’ Franklin said on his new podcast with Shane Crawford.
“I was flat. I said absolutely not, mate. This has taken me a year to grow and I’m so happy with it. Then he says you’ve got a wig. (I said) it’s mine.”
Franklin said he’s going “to go long” and won’t cut it.
He is also in good shape physically ahead of his first crack at the New York Marathon in November.
“I’m really excited about it,’’ Franklin said.
“I’ve been running for a little while now. Going down to Canberra for Mother’s Day that starts with 10km run, then we’re going to do a half marathon (on the) Gold Coast, then Alice Springs 30km run and then New York. Looking forward to it, it’ll be a bit of fun. I’ve just absolutely loved putting the ear phones in and going for a run. Nothing better.
“I did (have a dodgy knee). Now that I’ve finished up my body is feeling pretty good which is amazing. Running around having a kick with the kids is amazing.”
Koschitzke opens up on battles
Former St Kilda star Justin Koschitzke has opened up about the effects of concussion and the depths of his mental health battle which made him dread taking the field.
Koschitzke, who was selected with pick two in the 2000 national draft, one place behind Nick Riewoldt to complete a one-two pick sweep for the Saints, said such were his mental health struggles, he often hoped the team would lose matches.
“It was here at the MCG, it was an elimination final that year against Melbourne,’’ he tells Hamish McLachlan in an episode of Unfiltered, airing Wednesday night on Channel 7.
“Melbourne got three or four goals up in the third quarter or late in the fourth. Internally, I was the happiest person in this stadium, or anywhere in Australia, that Melbourne were going to win and I didn’t have to play the next week.
“Twenty years ago, that’s the first time I’ve publicly said that. It became the worst two hours of the week. Then the shame you carry with that. I’ve got the best job in the world and you try and convince yourself (you do).”
Riewoldt said the footy field had become a dangerous place for the 200 game Koschitzke, who retired in 2013.
“I’m aware of Kosi’s struggles, we’re still really good mates,’’ he said on The Agenda Setters.
“It’ll be a really confronting watch for people. Kosi’s in a much better place now. But in reference to that, the footy field had just become a really dangerous place for Kosi on the back of head knocks and concussions and stuff like that.
“It just shows you never quite know what’s going on in the minds of some of the people you think you know really well, including some of your teammates.”
Eddie’s new show a twist on Footy Show
Eddie McGuire is channelling the success of The Footy Show with a new player and digitally led program that he believes will appeal to the “next generation”.
McGuire’s Jam TV production business is behind Players, which will debut next Monday night — first on YouTube and social media before airing on free-to-air on Channel 9 after Footy Classified.
The show, fronted by Felix Von Hofe, former professional basketball player and the Bachelor turned media personality, will feature a panel of high profile players.
The first episode has locked in Collingwood superstar Nick Daicos, Geelong star Jeremy Cameron and Hawthorn’s young gun Nick Watson.
“It’s a 2025 incarnation of The Footy Show if you like,’’ McGuire said.
“I go back to when we started it in 1994 and it was avant-garde when we gave players the opportunity.
“We always had a legend on in (Jason) Dunstall, Dermie (Dermott Brereton) or Tim Watson, then a character like Doug Hawkins or Billy Brownless and then a young star coming through.
This is the next chance for people to hear from these guys and it’s the next generation of consumption media with a digital first approach.
“There is nothing like actual media, and we have many things on offer, but this is the future.”
The locker room unfiltered style of the program will see players let their guard down and show a different side to what you see out on the field.
As co-hosts of Players they will be deeply involved in the formation of the rundown content each week.
Annalise Dalins, the model fiance of Collingwood star Josh Daicos, will also be part of the show.
GWS captain Toby Greene, another panellist, said: “Sportspeople taking control of their own content is huge in overseas sports so we are excited to have this digitally led platform over here. I’m really looking forward to watching the first episode and then joining the guys for a chat soon.”
Aker moves on
Jason Akermanis has opened up on his acrimonious departure from the Brisbane Lions, saying he carried on “like a petulant kid”.
The three-time premiership Lion and Brownlow Medallist left the club after several controversies at the end of 2006 and joined the Bulldogs.
The situation with coach Leigh Matthews had turned toxic with Akermanis criticising his coaching, leaking to the media and on reflection saying it “was bad from both of us”.
On the Sunday Footy Show Akermanis said they’d moved on.
“Who cares. It was so long ago. I see Leigh all the time now, we get on great.
“In the end it was probably me and my ADHD brain just needing to do whatever.
“I just wasn’t happy at the time and I was carrying on like a petulant kid (that) I think I was.
“So for me and Leigh a long time ago and the players, what happened happened. It’s not good or bad, we all have to learn as we move forward. And it was something I really had to work through, everything that I could control and what I did, both good and bad. In the end that’s life.”
Akermanis’ four years with the Bulldogs were also tainted by controversy but he said time heals all wounds.
“It always does,’’ he said.
“You have to do a lot of work too. You have to go out there and make sure you look yourself in the mirror and go into your soul.”
Bont’s new role
Marcus Bontempelli was serving up his best footy on Sunday night and he’s also been serving up the goods off field.
The Bulldogs captain’s new Kew cafe, Arthur’s Milk Bar, had its soft launch last week ahead of opening on Tuesday.
“Out for five weeks with the calf so I’ve been able to dive in and I’ve enjoyed it,’’ Bontempelli told Fox Footy after the game.
His talented teammate, Cody Weightman, did the signage work for the venue.
Stevo bobs up
A familiar footy face — aside from actor Eric Bana — popped up on the coverage on Sunday night.
A big Bulldogs goal landed right in front of former Herald Sun and Channel 7 journalist, Mark Stevens, in one of the corporate boxes at Marvel Stadium.
Fox Footy commentator Gerard Whateley was quick to recognise the merry Bulldogs fan, with Jonathan Brown reminding viewers he used to go head to head with legendary coach Mick Malthouse when he worked for Channel 7.
Stevo, who spilt what would have been mark of the night, was quick to clarify: “Breaking: I had a sparkling in left hand.” he posted on X.
Serong calls out Billy’s rebrand
Fremantle midfield star Caleb Serong had a bone to pick with Billy Brownless on Saturday.
It’s been well noted that Brownless is living a more sophisticated life with his partner Crystle Fleur, trading frothies for limoncellos.
Serong suggested it might not be the best fit for the Geelong larrikin.
“I was going to ask what you’ve been doing with your personal branding stuff,’’ Serong said on Triple M’s Saturday Rub.
“You’re a bogan, a beer drinker. I love spritzers at the best of times but I don’t think that’s you mate.”
Brownless’ colleague James Brayshaw, who called Brownless a “proper wanker”, was quick to chip in with his approval: “Well said”.
Daicos pays tribute
Collingwood star Josh Daicos had a memorable Easter weekend, capped with a loving tribute to his fiance Annalise Dalins.
For her 24th birthday on Sunday, he posted a sweet collection of images with the caption on social media: “24th birthday for my ride or die. The last 5 years have been incredible & have loved every moment with you. Look forward to growing old with you.”
Dalins, a model with her own bright career, commented: “Making my heart smile!! Love you.”
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