Comedy Festival 2017: Where your favourite comedians dine in Melbourne
FROM pre-show spag bol to post-show prosecco, find out where your favourite comedians go to get their grub in Melbourne. PLUS: LATEST COMEDY FESTIVAL REVIEWS
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A COMEDIAN walked into a bar … while that could possibly be the beginning of a (bad) joke, it’s more like what the hundreds of funny people in town for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival will be doing over the next month. Here, in their own words, some of our favourite comedians reveal where they love to eat and drink before or after a show.
PAUL FOOT
My favourite place to eat in Melbourne is definitely The Colonial Tramcar Restaurant. It’s a top-quality luncheon. You can go on there and sit in a little tiny booth and eat tasty dishes and drink as many wines as you like. The waiters and waitresses are always having a right laugh and you drive all around Melbourne, looking out at all the cars and non-restaurant trams while eating pâté.
I also like Vue de monde, where you can have an excellent luncheon with a tea tasting menu; it’s 12 courses and you get a different sort of tea with each one. Which is perfect if you’re a comedian and you have a show to do in the evening so you can’t just get all pissed up at lunch like a banker or a doctor or a teacher. Also, the gentlemen’s toilets are so posh and complicated and trendy that I literally couldn’t work out where to go to the toilet and where to wash my hands, so I had to use the disabled toilets.
I also like The Flower Drum for a Chinese dinner of the highest quality. And The European once gave me a passionfruit souffle that was absolutely marvellous! And Bomba has the best Spanish vermouth in town.
The Colonial Tramcar restaurant
Vue de monde, Lvl 55, 525 Collins St
The Flower Drum, 17 Market Lane
The European, 161 Spring St
Bomba, 103 Lonsdale St
SEE Paul Foot in “Tis A Pity She’s A Piglet at The Famous Spiegeltent until April 23
DILRUK JAYASINHA
My go-to late-night eating place is Aunty Franklee on Russell St. The staff is super friendly and welcoming which I find is rare for a restaurant that stays open till 4am. Everything looks and feels clean and I love the food here. It’s Malaysian cuisine and is the traditional Bak Kut Teh (Meat. Bone. Tea!). But my personal favourite is their dish called “Let’s Meat Up”. Not only is it a pun (which I always appreciate), but it’s a dish that’s stacked with all my favourites from their menu.
Smoky pork rib, lamb rib, beef rib, pork belly, pork meatballs and for good measure lotus root and okra! This all comes with a side of salad, brown rice and tea egg. Their menu describes this dish as “Mighty. Sensual. Satisfying”. Okay, so the “sensual” thing is a bit weird but who cares, because at $20.90 this is great bang for your buck. Trust me I used to be an accountant and I’ve crunched the numbers. Quirkiest of all, at the end you can pay for it with an app they’ve created which lets you collect little reward points along the way. FUN!
Aunty Franklee, 205 Russell St, CBD
SEE Dilruk Jayasinha in The Art Of The Dil until April 23 at the Greek Centre.
MERRICK WATTS
For more than 20 years I’ve been going to the same place for my “morning after a big night” recovery: Van Van Vietnamese restaurant.
Sometimes early on a Sunday morning you can see other people there with their “shame face” on and there’s almost a silent recognition like you are all in a clinic after some dubious social behaviour.
The hangover “cures’ that I swear by are Bun Bo Hue, a spicy pork and noodle soup that instantly burns away the self hate. Accompanied by some fresh and/or fried spring rolls and the all important “lemon soda”. This elixir is part soda water, part lemon juice, part sugar and part miracle and is just the thing you need to rehydrate before backing it up with an arvo session. You’re welcome Melbourne, enjoy!
Van Van, 160 Victoria St, Richmond
SEE Merrick Watts in Man Of The Hour until April 23 at the Swiss Club.
CAL WILSON
There are really only two places I go to eat during the Comedy Festival. The first one is Yoyogi on Swanston St. I’ve been coming here since my first MICF in 2001. Fast, reasonably priced, delicious Japanese food. It’s a great place to meet up with other comedians between shows. So hard to pick a favourite dish: korokke (potato croquettes), tempura prawns, yakisoba (stir fried chicken and egg noodles), tori karaage (deep fried chicken) and takoyaki (octopus balls … I’m so sorry, Mr Octopus).
The second place is The Swiss Club. It’s downstairs from my venue, and oh Lordy: If you’re a fan of schnitzel, this is your place. It’s also your place if you’re a fan of sauerkraut, spatzli, and bratwurst. I am a fan of all these things, which is unfortunate, and wonderful. There’s an old comedy phrase “I’m here all week, try the veal.” For me at the Swiss Club, it’s become “I’m here all month, try the fondue.”
Yoyogi, 211 Swanston St (Melbourne Central)
The Swiss Club, 89 Flinders Ln
SEE Cal Wilson in Things I’ve Never Said at The Swiss Club until April 23
MEL BUTTLE
I’m not afraid to say that before I even land in Melbourne to do the comedy festival, I’ve spent the previous week stalking restaurants’ Intstagrams and making lists on my phone of places to eat.
My Melbourne must do’s are: Hellenic Republic, I always go straight from the airport there for lunch, suitcase in tow, I love their saganaki cheese with peppered figs, the Cypriot grain salad, and of course the lamb from the spit, washed down with a Mythos larger.
After my show I love to relax at Embla in the city with a wine and a post-show snack, a pork rillettes or a few of their local cheeses helps me wind down. I love how they cook over charcoal, the place smells amazingly smoky and has a wonderful homely feel, with the dark wood bar.
Breakfast for me is a simple affair, I just need a good coffee, and not much else, I love to get a strong cap from Brother Baba Budan in the city. If I’ve been parting hard, I’ll maybe grab the South American Smoothie from Tropicana, for some vitamins, then a late dumpling lunch at ShanDong Mama, before a pre show nap. If I’ve had a really good show and want to really treat myself, you’ll find me at Rosetta having a dessert and a glass of sticky, I think their Tiramisu is out of this world. If I want to hang out late with my comedian mates, you’ll find us at The Supper Club munching on their croque monsieur and splitting a bottle of tempranillo.
Hellenic Republic, 434 Lygon St, Brunswick
Embla, 122 Russell St, CBD
Brother Baba Budan, 359 Lt Bourke St
Tropicana, 213 Elizabeth St
ShanDong Mama Mid City Arcade, 200 Bourke St
Rosetta Yarra promenade, Southbank
The Supper Club, 161 Spring St
SEE Mel Buttle in I Can’t Believe it’s Not Buttle at Melbourne Town Hall until April 23
GERALDINE QUINN
Look — we’re all getting older. Gone are the days when I’d sit down at 3am in a late-night fried food joint on Swanston St with an amusing nickname and split a potato cake with Jason Byrne, jabbering on about post-punk music. Nowadays it’s more about grabbing a coffee at Brunetti in the square en route to CBD shows and lashings of Chinese broccoli at Chinatown’s Supper Inn in the wee hours (eat your greens!). I’ve certainly picked over a myriad of show ideas with colleagues within the wooden walls of Supper Inn, feasting on dumplings and crunching budgets and dates.
Lucky for me, I’m again performing in a venue that has an amazing kitchen and coffee — The Coopers Malthouse. Last year’s tradition was grabbing a coffee or a Caesar salad while band members arrived one by one with their own coffee order, took a seat in the foyer, then we all wafted upstairs for the show freshly caffeinated and ready to sparkle-sparkle-sparkle. Well … I’m the sparkly one, in my sequined jumpsuits ... the other guys wear comfortable show clothes. I do envy them …
Supper Inn, 15 Celestial Ave
SEE Geraldine Quinn in Fox Poncing at The Coopers Malthouse until April 8
TOM GLEESON
I’m often having a pre-show spag bol or post-show prosecco at Cellar Bar. They’re always nice to me. Casual and charming service with a simple, heartwarming menu.
Embla is a dark den full of killer wines and cast-iron flattened chickens. Last time I left there I discovered I had five missed calls from my wife, one from my manager, three from my producer. So, what I’m trying to say is, it’s a great escape.
Sometimes I sit at the Grand Hyatt Bar, Ru-Co, and have a solo martini. Just me and the gin. Don’t come anywhere near me.
Din Tai Fung does the best recovery xiao long bao dumplings, fried rice and beers. It’s in Emporium so you can buy s--- you don’t need afterwards.
City Wine Shop has always been my favourite late supper destination for schnitzel, coleslaw and passing trade views. Worth the hike up the hill. I’ll be next door at The European the following morning for their eggs benedict and bloody mary — unparalleled even after all these years.
I like sitting in Hairy Little Sista’s corner window alongside my wife and playing “the game”. If you don’t know what that means, that’s probably best. You’re it.
Cellar Bar, 80 Bourke St
Ru-Co, 123 Collins St
Din Tai Fung, Emporium
City Wine Shop, 159 Spring St
Hairy Little Sista, 240 Lt Collins St
The European 161 Spring St
SEE Tom Gleeson in Cheer Up until April 22
CLAIRE HOOPER
Most comedians like a late night but I like an early morning. Sorry, did I say “I like an early morning”? I meant to say “I have kids”. So if I can convince a comedy friend to get up early and do breakfast with me, I’ll leave Brunswick for them and meet them at The European on Spring St, because it’s fancy and I know they’ll agree it was worth getting out of bed for.
For lunch I like to be out of the city so that I’m not competing with suits for a table, so I go to Marios in Fitzroy. No apostrophe in Marios, it’s named after two Marios. If in doubt, put down the menu and just go the penne puttanesca.
I get my pre-show flat white at Harts Coffee Cart. They are always out front of the Town Hall during comedy festival. If they’re not there this year I’m going to kick over whatever cart has taken their place. I hope they’re reading this.
And after a show, if I’m really partying, I might treat myself to a hot chocolate on the balcony of Cabinet, overlooking Swanston St. There’s usually a few fellow comics there to celebrate or commiserate with, depending on how your show has gone.
The European 161 Spring St
Marios, 303 Brunswick St, Fitzroy
Cabinet, 11 Rainbow Alley, city
SEE Claire Hooper in Familiar at Melbourne Town Hall until April 23
REVIEW: TRUST ME, YOU’LL WANT ALICE AT YOUR DINNER PARTY
DANIELLE WALKER
I’m from Townsville so anything remotely ethnic is like an amazing discovery for me. Until I moved to Melbourne two years ago I thought dumplings were deep fried ducklings. I was very against dumplings until that realisation, it’s been a real learning curve. Speaking of Dumplings, I’m a big fan of Shanghai Dumpling House. I usually meet other comics there and we’ll eat before our shows, they’re just regular dumplings and the service is very, very bad but the food is cheap and you’re in and out fast which I’m a big fan of.
You want a drink? My favourite place to get a cocktail in Melbourne is Basco. The staff are the best and if you go you have to order the Frida Margherita, it tastes like watermelon and then there’s a bit of heat after, depending what they have available, they either use chilli infused vodka or my personal favourite, Jalapeno infused tequila, it’s the best.
What my recommendations say about me is that I’m happy to eat the cheapest dumplings if I can use my savings to buy cocktails. I know how to live.
Shanghai Dumpling House, Tattersalls Lane, CBD
Basco, 307 Sydney Rd, Brunswick
SEE Danielle Walker as part of The Comedy Zone at Trades Hall until April 23
JE NNY ECLAIR
I was last in Melbourne in 2013. My ancient partner and I stayed in the Medina Apartments in the city- where they served a vast and scrumptious breakfast in the cafe downstairs — I have never seen Geoff get out of bed with such excitement — it was the full eggs on sourdough plus anything else you could fling on the plate.
I’m a bit miserable about eating out because I’m very mean and last time we were over, the dollar was thrashing the pound and we felt very poor, so we self-catered and went out for the occasional cocktail, I dimly remember a Gin Palace down a backstreet and a very good burger chain, ooh and eating cuttlefish for the first time on St Kilda Beach. This time because I’m gigging earlier, I’m determined to do more sushi dinners and be a lot more adventurous.
Gin Palace, 10 Russell Pl, CBD
SEE Jenny Éclair in How To Be A Middle Aged Woman (Without Going Insane) at Arts Centre until April 16
JOEL CREASEY
I always suggest friends go for a pre-show drink at my favourite secret bar in the CBD ‘Cabinet’. The entrance is hidden off the bin lane behind Swanston St and they mix a mean espresso martini. It’ll give you the perfect buzz before heading in to see a show.
Post show I like to join friends at Coda. It’s that sunken restaurant you walk past on Flinders Lane that’s always packed. They do a zucchini fritter with fresh buffalo mozzarella that’ll change your life. And dining up the bar is fun too as you can see straight into the kitchen. Plus all their staff are really hot.
When I want to sneak off for a meal I’ll head to Maha. They do incredible Middle Eastern food. I’ve never set eyes upon a menu there because I find it better to ask the waiter to order for you ... and they’ve never once gotten it wrong. Because it’s hidden away I love a late night meal with another comedian or my manager at Maha in one of their private booths. Over a bottle of wine and a bit of slow cooked lamb, it’s where I’ve gotten some of my best b-tching done.
Coda, 141 Flinders Ln
Maha, 21 Bond St
SEE Joel Creasey in Poser at Max Watt’s until April 23
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