Mikey Cahill: Laugh early, laugh often and, please, don’t be late
The Melbourne International Comedy Festival may be one of the city’s gems but in 20 years of watching shows, Mikey Cahill has seen some weird and wonderful things.
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Speaking loquaciously in one of his final interviews, the late, great Robin Williams summarised stand-up comedy beautifully — albeit prophetically — when he said: “In comedy, you either kill or you die, there’s no in between.”
In 20 years of seeing comedy, including the past 12 as a reviewer (a plum job), I’ve seen some extraordinary things go down at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I’ve watched comics kill, die with not much in between.
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It’s a singular blood sport. If you’re in an ensemble stage show there’s a bunch of you to deflect the blame if it bombs. If you play in a band you’re a gang, united against the barbs of the press and public. But if you’re a comedian, it’s just you and a microphone … and whatever sense of self-belief you might be carrying.
Here are some of the most exceptional things I’ve seen at our festival, mostly performers dealing with variables out of their control.
Last year, eccentric UK comedian-cum-poet Tim Key began his show confidently, rolling a beer across stage until someone in the front row caught it, mid-drop, threw it back to Key who drank it and burped like Barney Gumble. Then Key looked perplexed, scampered off stage, saying:“I forgot my playing cards.”
His schtick is reading out bon mots and musings from cards. We didn’t know if his exit was a conceit or real. After 30 seconds we heard loud banging. “HELLO!” How we laughed. “CAN SOMEONE LET ME IN?” More laughter. “HELLOHH!!!” We howled.
Two minutes later a flustered Key reappeared. He really had been locked out and was saved by a passing security guard.
Last year, Dave Hughes had to deal with latecomers — including a very tardy tall chap — who messed up the flow of one of his setups.
“What happened to you mate?” Hughes asked. “Did you get stuck under the Montague St Bridge?”
Rising star Becky Lucas had the youngest ever heckler, appropriately during her show Baby. Mid-set, I heard some gurgling behind me — a baby in its mother’s arms. “Is that really a newborn baby?” Lucas asked, equally incredulous and impressed.
Lucas had a ruder interruption last year during her show Cute Funny Smart Funny Sexy Beautiful. A couple bustled in 10 minutes late, stormed to the front then sat separately.
“How are you guys going?” Lucas asked. Silence. We tensed up. “Just do your show, you stupid b----!” snarled the female. Whoa. The tech engineer kicked them out.
My old frenemy/sparring-partner Sam Simmons tore up my ticket on arrival at his show and later bellowed: “Write that down, f---face!” Two years back he went too far, berating audience members as they filed out, shouting: “You didn’t get into it!”
Political comedian Tom Ballard was mid-routine in his The World Keeps Happening show when he goaded the audience, seeing how far he could push them. Some keen bean replied: “Is that why you never return my Grindr requests?”
Scottish stadium star Kevin Bridges was savagely heckled when he asked a latecomer why they were late. “I’ve been with yer Ma,” the punter replied. Ooof. Bridges segued into 10 minutes of stories about intimidating audience members and nearly being beaten up after shows. He’s a master.
Every year one comedy diehard, dubbed The Laugher, causes audience members and performers grief for the strangest reason: The Laugher laughs too hard. It’s been described as an “AK-47 guffaw” and, although well-intentioned, spoils the feng shui of the room. People change seats, to no avail. Laugher, if you’re reading, tone it down, champ.
The Comedy Festival begins this Wednesday and I encourage you to go along.
But remember to laugh early, laugh often. Nobody can hear smiles
Mikey Cahill is a Herald Sun columnist
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