Picking a side over Depp and Heard’s toxic relationship only hurts domestic violence victims

There were no winners in the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial, so let’s stop talking like there was.

OPINION

For months it’s been impossible to go on the internet without being bombarded by hot takes on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp defamation trial. Everyone seems desperate to pick a side, but should we?

Depp may have won the defamation trial – and please note that the trial was about defamation, not the actual facts of the relationship – but it’s fair to say there were no winners in their toxic relationship.

The internet is quick to take sides, claiming that if you don’t side with Heard you can’t be a feminist, or if you don’t side with Depp then male abuse is silenced.

However, the Gen Zers on our newsChat panel – news.com.au’s project with the Judith Nielson Institute – feel that this trial has too many layers to be spoken about simply.

‘I can see this easily becoming a situation people use to speak over women who have been abused.’ Picture: Getty

“I think it’s pretty clear that their relationship was very toxic, but what the article she wrote failed to mention that it was a two-sided relationship, where both parties made things worse for each other.”
– Jasper

It’s those two sides trying to cancel each other out that seems to be causing the most damage – particularly to people who have dealt with abuse in their own lives, no matter their gender identity.

In a nutshell, if you can’t talk about the abuse experienced by one party without erasing the abuse experienced by the other, then you shouldn’t be commenting at all.

“I wish both Depp and Heard the best, in different ways. As a victim of abuse – while I do not identify as male and am non-binary – I can say this: it is so hard to speak the truth when society sees men getting abused as a joke.

“Depp has made a platform for men who have been abused, but people are not understanding the nuance of that.”
–Nich

“There’s a more difficult climate for men and other masc people to make allegations of domestic abuse, especially when it’s physical. I do have a bias as a man who has experienced spousal abuse, but it upset me to hear Depp talking about his alleged abuse.”
– Angus

If you can’t talk about the abuse experienced by one without erasing the abuse experienced by the other, then you shouldn’t be talking. Picture: Getty

“I’ve really kept out of it. I find it really hard to form an opinion I’m comfortable with because of all the media and rhetoric around it. I do find it really triggering as well.

“There are so many survivors, like myself, who will never get their day in court. I’m looking at Amber Heard – she has all the money and all the resources in the world to get justice, and she didn’t get it. I think that’s a really harsh thing to look at.

“We know there’s a system in place to disempower survivors, we know the justice system isn’t built to support women seeking legal justice and that’s why so many of us don’t do it.

“We’re so comfortable with the narrative of a hysterical, angry woman taking down an innocent man. That’s the rhetoric I’m seeing culturally. I look at that and I wonder why I’d bother going to court.”
– Rachael

The other baffling thing to our panellists is that the public seem to be forgetting what this trial was actually about – defamation.

“I think the big thing that gets me is that it’s turned into less about the actual lawsuit and more about gender politics and violence. The lawsuit is defamation, it’s not arguing whether Johnny Depp was abusive or not, but that’s exactly what it’s become in the public eye.”
– Rachael

“I completely resonate with Rachael. The premise of the lawsuit and entire series of events were around defamation, and it felt like a lot of the media were making it like a reality show – which is definitely not right.”
– Jahin

It's time to shine a light on the absolute epidemic of abuse, no matter your gender. Picture: Getty.

“It feels ridiculous and frankly surreal that a defamation case has been so well documented in the public sphere.

“If it was actually about DV, I’d maybe understand, but I find it deeply disturbing that so many people publicly took sides and vilified all parties involved in a case that’s arguably nobody else’s business.”
– Angus

“The amount of TikToks I have seen of people saying ‘I hope Amber gets ten years in prison’ shows how little people are paying attention to the exact nature of the case and only to the celebrities behind the screen.”
– Nich

“Had Heard been transparent and said in the article something along the lines of, ‘Yeah he was bad, but I also did some things that I’m not proud of,’ I don’t think Depp would have had much of a case.”
– Jasper

“I think it’s interesting he lost a lawsuit in the UK against a paper alleging similar things [about Depp] as Heard did, but in the US he won this against his ex-wife. Even saying that, it was also found that she was defamed by his lawyer.”
– Rachael

‘Depp has made a platform for men who have been abused.’ Picture: Getty

It’s exactly this misunderstanding that has one side of people praising Depp like some sort of innocent hero because he won the trial – when actually the facts suggest he participated in the abuse, and in fact the court found that Depp’s lawyer also defamed Heard by calling her claims in the original article a “hoax”.

It’s also why the other side is claiming Heard is only a victim – when actually the facts suggest she also participated in the abuse. The fact of the matter is, one does not, and should not, cancel out conversations about the other.

“I can see this easily becoming a situation people use to speak over women who have been abused. Absolutely, we need to listen to women speaking up on abuse.

“We also need to be listening to the men speaking up on abuse. Not in a way that dismisses the other, but in a way that shines a light on the absolute epidemic of abuse.”

– Nich

“I find the tit-for-tat stuff is really victim-blaming. It’s horrid, I don’t believe there shouldn’t be a hierarchy of hurt and abuse in a relationship. That comes down to the fact we only see violence as physical violence.

“It shuts down people from coming forward, it shuts down conversations.”

– Rachael

We could be using this trial as an important tool to open up an essential conversation about the nature of abuse in relationships – an area that society is only just beginning to understand. It’s also something that affects your brain in ways that anyone who hasn’t experience an abusive relationship will never fully understand. Period.

So get educated, stop cancelling each other, absolutely stop cancelling victims (whether you ‘like’ them or not), and use this as an opportunity to do better.

Originally published as Picking a side over Depp and Heard’s toxic relationship only hurts domestic violence victims