‘No wonder religions fear women’: Cathy Kelly on a job like no (m)other

One moment you are invincible, the next you’re overcome by worry and a lifetime of work. There’s something we should know about women, says Cathy Kelly.

Motherhood has no training manual.

It’s instinctive, we’re told as we’re handed fragile babies in the hospital, lying there with our stitches aching and a flood of industrial-quality hormones coursing through us.

We look in awe at the almost see-through baby fingers with tiny but perfect nails, the delicate skull with bones not yet fused at the top.

The sheer brilliance of the female body hits us because this little baby came out of us!

No wonder religions the world over fear women. We can give birth, give life … We are FABULOUS! Hear us roar!

Then the triumphant hormones subside, our breasts shriek with pain, the other parent – if we are lucky enough to have such a beloved – goes home to feed the dog and sleep.

Hear us roar, until the fear kicks in … Cathy Kelly. Credit: Barry McCall.

And that’s when the lifelong mama fear sets in.

Joy in abundance but oh yes, fear.

Because this tiny creature, one of the animal kingdom’s most delicate newborns, is ours to care for. To feed, to nurture, to gently coax through any number of terrifying childhood bugs, flus and falls while running on wet pool tiles.

This baby is yours to coax through at least eighteen years of survival.

I guarantee that somewhere in those years, in spite of striving in a way you’ve never strived before, you’re going to get it wrong.

There’s no other field of endeavour where you’re expected to get it right all the time, possibly with the exception of emergency medicine. Doctors and nurses in A & E are held to impossibly high standards – and so are mothers.

Plus, the shifts are endless.

‘There’s no other field of endeavour where you’re expected to get it right all the time’ … we suspect even royals, like Princess Kate (pictured with Prince William and newborn Prince Louis in 2018) get the mama fear.

You go to bed at eleven, having folded what feels like a shop-load of baby clothes which you’ve washed to remove every type of bodily fluid. You need a shower yourself – also to remove the bodily fluids – and you haven’t put on mascara for about three years, but still, your eyes have that panda-look from wearing mascara? How?

But you’re too tired to shower, so you fall into bed.

‘I’ll do better tomorrow,’ you think, remembering the work emails, the fridge which is a biologic hazard, and the fact that you have a conference call/old friend over from interstate/lunch with in-laws who are all perfect parents.

In the blink of an eye, the fragile baby is now a five-year-old who never saw a perilous wall they didn’t want to climb.

They they’re ten, worried you’ll die because someone in school had a mummy who died and you’re desperately trying to find the right words to comfort them and not frighten them, but this level of psychotherapy is way beyond your pay grade and you’re failing, failing again.

They’re fifteen: everyone in school has better clothes, phones or holiday plans.

‘No, Mom, stop worrying’ … it’s not that easy, says Cathy Kelly. Credit: Barry McCall.

A kid in their year gets pregnant. Another has their stomach pumped. The news features a horror-fest of internet predators and word comes your way of sexting in the class above.

Your fear notches up to dangerous levels. How to protect them from this?

The parents’ WhatsApp is full of fear and nuance.

You debate telling your child everything you ever did wrong so they can learn from your mistakes – or wonder if that will make them think that if Mom did it, then they can too?

And then said baby is suddenly an adult: is taller than you, has political opinions and says it’s going to Copenhagen for a year with its boyfriend/girlfriend/people they’re in a situationship with. No, Mom, they’ll be fine, stop worrying! and can they possibly have a loan?

At some point in all of this, think of your own mother, who did all this without the internet and without any group WhatsApp.

Think of her living up to the perfect standards expected of mothers everywhere. You’ll remember her in her version of Mom jeans and frosted eyeshadow, and think how cool she really was. How she actually rocked it without Dr Google to check meningitis symptoms at 3am.

‘Hear us roar’ … if you want more from Cathy Kelly, check out Sisterhood.

On this Mother’s Day, let’s celebrate the reality of glorious motherhood – a messy, complex mass of love, mistakes, and moments when you sit at home and cry because you got it wrong again.

Hug your own mom if you’re lucky enough to have her around. She undoubtedly got it wrong too.

We all do.

But we are mothers – hear us roar.

Bestselling novelist Cathy Kelly’s latest book Sisterhood is out now, published by HarperCollins.

What’s the best book you’ve read about relationships? Tell us at the Sunday Book Club on Facebook.

And check out our new Book of the Month, Rachael Treasure’s Milking Time. Get it for 30% off the RRP with the code TREASURE at Booktopia.

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Originally published as ‘No wonder religions fear women’: Cathy Kelly on a job like no (m)other