Students at elite Melbourne Grammar School called ‘toxic men’
Melbourne Grammar students have been called out for “toxic masculinity”, with a teacher slamming the culture at the all-boys’ school in an end-of-year address. It comes as the school’s former AFL-star footy coach was forced to apologise for a controversial tweet.
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Melbourne Grammar School is embroiled in its own “toxic masculinity” scandal with a female staffer calling boys out for poor behaviour and a former AFL player turned school coach counselled over a tweet downplaying the St Kevin’s tram chant.
In an address at the end of year dinner, head of Witherby House, Leah Kelly criticised the behaviour of some boys at the school. The speech on October 18 was recorded by many in attendance and has been widely circulated among parents and students.
Ms Kelly recounted a recent incident where boys were overheard on a tram commenting that “Asian chicks” were not “hot”.
“This was overheard by a group of young “chicks” who were also Asian who then called the boys out, citing toxic masculinity. A series of verbal disagreements ensued until one of the groups left the tram a few stops later,” she said.
Some in the audience are understood to have been discomfited by the contents of the address. Insiders say that while some fully supported the need to address the issues and thought it was brave and overdue, some mothers took it as saying that they were raising “misogynists”.
The dinner came a few days before the school became aware that former Demons’ player and coach of the school’s 1st XVIII Brad Green “had published a tweet on his personal Twitter account which was inconsistent with the sense of moral purpose we aim to instil in all Melbourne Grammar students”.
“He was asked to remove the tweet on that basis, and he did so,” headmaster Roy Kelley said yesterday.
“Mr Green has since apologised for his actions. He has been counselled by senior school staff and we will continue to work with him to ensure that something like this does not happen again.”
Mr Green’s wife, Anna, died tragically earlier this year after what was supposed to be a routine operation.
Ideals of toxic masculinity ‘alive and well’
In Ms Kelly’s address, seen by the Herald Sun, she said when the boys were challenged about their behaviour on the tram, they complained that the girls involved started “arcing up” for no reason.
“It was only after some time that it eventually emerged that one of the boys had said something that turned out to be pretty close to what had been alleged. The fact that the boys became so defensive so quickly at the suggestion that they were, or their behaviour was that of toxic men, suggests a real lack of understanding of what the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ actually means,” she said.
She said she was regularly concerned about incidents such as boys showing topless photos around in class, offensive online posts directed at girls, engagement in rate my date games and boys signing up for a school play on the basis of the “quality” of the girls they would play opposite.
She referenced a “boorish jeer that a room full of 800 boys gave in assembly when the bulk of the staff had left the hall and a lone girl from Melbourne Girls Grammar School stood up to address them”.
“Let me be clear that none of these incidents have been considered acceptable at the time, and all have been dealt with, but as sure as the sun set yesterday and will rise again tomorrow they have continued to happen and will continue to happen,” she said.
“It’s my hope that we as a school can be more proactive, rather than reactive on this issue. We can, and must, do more to educate our boys on the issues of toxic masculinity, gender equality and yes, the F-word … feminism. Not just for the benefit of their mothers and sisters, but for their own benefit.”
She cited sexual assault statistics and explained: “I’m not in any way suggesting that the boys on the tram are headed for a future as sexual assailants, merely that a culture in which a young man feels that he is gaining social status by declaring loudly on the tram that he doesn’t think Asian chicks are hot chicks, and a culture in which not one of his mates calls him out for that comment, is one in which the values of toxic masculinity are fairly entrenched. Brava to the girls in that situation for calling these boys out.”
In closing, Ms Kelly said: “Year 12s, as you head out into the co-ed world it is likely that others will make assumptions about you and your perceptions of women based solely on the fact that you are an Old Melburnian.
“Try not to become defensive. After all, given the examples of the behaviour of MGS boys that I’ve mentioned tonight, and the history of an all-male institution such as this, there is certainly some justification for their assumptions.”.
“Challenge your mates when their comments verge on sexism or misogyny, and empower each other to be better than that. Value the women in your life for their talents, skills and achievements, rather than for their appearance or just for the way that they support you. Learn to cook and clean up after yourself, and do it.”
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Headmaster Mr Kelley said the school “takes very seriously its responsibility to instil positive values such as inclusiveness, tolerance, and a respect for others in all our students. We have numerous strategies designed to develop these ideals in place. We review related programs and activities on an ongoing basis to ensure they are current and relevant to the present day”.
“Further, I believe that it is important to engage young people in thoughtful, calm, intelligent and progressive engagement with issues that relevant to the broader Australian community,” he said.
“I confirm that a head of house recently spoke about the issue of toxic masculinity at a house dinner in the presence of senior school staff who congratulated her on her address. It is a testament to the culture of the school that such matters can be raised in open forums of this nature. All members of the school community have a role to play in ensuring all students understand that any form of misogynistic behaviour is offensive, unacceptable and has no place whatsoever in our school or in our society.”
In her address, Ms Kelly lamented that next year at Melbourne Grammar School will be the first in almost 15 years that there will be no females on the senior school executive or on the whole school executive.
“This concerns me, both as a woman seeking my own role models, but also for our young men who simply must see women in positions of power and authority as often as they see men in those positions if we are to have.”
In 2020, Carey principal Philip Grutzner will take on the role as headmaster at Melbourne Grammar. An old boy at Melbourne Grammar School, he has been in charge of the co-ed Kew school for a decade.