Six signs your boss is a true narcissist

Are you convinced your boss is a narcissist? A Sydney recruitment expert has drilled down the warning signs of a true narcissist.

My boss is a narcissist! A familiar grievance from disgruntled employees. Most of these utterances are enrichments of the truth, as very few of us work with true narcissists, but it can feel like it.

What we might find hard to accept is narcissism can be a healthy personality trait if mild and occasional. Freud recognised we are all somewhat narcissistic. In fact, in times of great transition, such as the pandemic, productive narcissists are useful and even necessary.

But what of the unproductive narcissistic boss? A personality akin to the darker side of this personality type can make work unbearable.

Whether the traits are watered-down or just plain toxic, bosses like this are cataclysmic to work with. A career death roll, they paralyse and drown you in their contagion of negativity.

Recruitment expert Roxanne Calder reveals the warning signs that you need to look out for in your next job interview. Picture: iStock

So if you’re wondering what the warning signs are, let’s take a look:

The charmer

Bosses with narcissistic traits are highly charismatic. At the interview, you were blown away, felt in sync, shared values, spoke the same language, and maybe there was a touch of adoration. From you, that is, because it will rarely be the other way around.

Then you started, and their mask fell away, even as early as the first day. At induction, or in meetings, you felt a little uneasy, something was not quite gelling, perhaps they were dismissive, detached, but you swept it away as new starter nerves.

“They are just having a bad day,” or “I’m just imagining it.” And this is where it starts. The charm is never consistent; it’s an on/off switch to suit them.

The manipulation

The beginning of the subterfuge, slowly but surely, builds. Minor put-downs, unnecessary and pedantic corrections and criticisms and made to feel inferior.

In the beginning, you go with it because you are a little taken aback, confused, and then you question your abilities. And that is the plan. Your self-doubt is your boss’s personal prop up.

Being made to feel inferior is a common tactic that narcissists use. Picture: iStock

Team promotions

Have you noticed promotions, favouritism, and any opportunities going to colleagues not quite up for it? Observe the interactions. Do these people disagree or counter your boss? Not likely. Instead, they agree, kowtow, and never question. They are submissive, except to feed your boss’s ego with ingratiating flatteries.

Not so humble

Great managers make it all about their team. Achievements are shared, not owned. Praise and acknowledgment is freely given, and their accomplishments are the team’s. Contribution from others is recognised and amplified. If a mistake occurs, they take responsibility.

The opposite occurs with a narcissistic style of boss. A mistake made will be denied with aggravated vehemence. Your achievement becomes theirs. Contributions from others are downplayed if played at all. All of this occurs with no apology, self-doubt or self-awareness. It is unequivocally always about them.

With a narcissist boss your achievement will become yours. Picture: iStock.

No real relationship

We all want some form of a trusted relationship with our boss. Not best friends or even friends, but a bedrock of respect and trust. Some narcissistic personality traits manifest as distrust and paranoia.

No matter how many times you prove yourself, show loyalty, dependability and share your trust, you will always be questioned. Based on nothing, except their own ad hoc paranoia. The occurrence is not every day either, just frequently enough so you never get too close.

Timing

Their behaviour is not consistent. That is part of the charm and manipulation, to deliberately disconcert. They blow hot and cold within minutes, controlled anger like outbursts. Public put-downs to one individual, directly followed by praise for another.

If they go too far, they are quick to retrieve, for the sole reason, of knowing the repercussions will be disadvantageous for them, not in lieu of your feelings or their lack of boundaries.

Public put-downs can be a symptom of narcissism. Picture: iStock

It is not you. It is them. Or is it?

Just before we write off all bosses with ‘difficult’ traits, I suggest some inner reflection. What if your boss is just demanding and holding you accountable or even a perfectionist, also much-maligned?

Possibly, after a tough day, they too are bemoaning their working circumstances, not with a toxic boss but an employee who is a ‘victim’ or ‘entitled’. What! You might exclaim. It goes both ways. Some of these bosses, difficult or not, may offer you the best learning ground.

Most importantly though, being too quick to label and judge without enough self-analysis and awareness, may see you make rash and poor decisions. No one is suggesting enduring a Cruella De Vil. However, with ample choice of jobs right now, it can make it too easy to make a quick exit, one you might come to regret.

Roxanne Calder, author of ‘Employable – 7 Attributes to Assuring Your Working Future’ (Major Street $29.95), is the founder and managing director of EST10, a Sydney administration recruitment agency.

Originally published as Six signs your boss is a true narcissist