Barefoot Investor: ‘Stop what you’re doing and ask your son if he’s ever thought about killing himself’
A mother has sought Barefoot Investor’s advice after her son posed the worst question ever. And his response is both heartbreaking and heartwarming.
I woke up at 4:30am and stumbled to the kitchen.
Through sleepy eyes, I spotted a handwritten note on the fridge from my eldest son:
“Why are you doing this to me? The pain is unbearable! And for what!?”
He’d just been fitted for braces and was evidently having a hard time breaking up with popcorn.
Now, we live in the country, so I thought we’d get country prices. Wrong. Ten grand. That’s what it cost us. That’s more than I spent on my first three cars combined! And yet they were the same tram tracks that kids had in the 80s, just ten times the ticket price!
Look, I’m no tooth fairy, but it looks simple enough: thirty cents of wire, a few dobs of Supa Glue, and a tiny ratchet they tighten monthly. My fencer could probably do it (though at $150 an hour it’d cost the same anyway).
I was having a bad week.
Yet it was about to get worse.
That morning I received a very serious email about last week’s column. I’d written about MoneyMe, a tadpole lender that looked at a couple spending $92,000 on a wedding and thought, “This is perfect marketing material”. Ribbit! They were so angry they cc’d all my bosses at the newspaper.
BAM!
They demanded that their branding be taken off social media mentions, and included an itemised list of things they wanted “corrected” for the record.
(Oh for godsakes. I felt like I was in the dentist’s chair. Someone give me some happy gas!)
“We’ll make a couple of tweaks”, said my editor.
“Fair enough”, I said.
“... but there’s nothing to stop me writing about them again this week”, I thought to myself.
“They’ll love that.”
That night, as my son slurped his soup, he looked as miserable as me.
Here’s what I told him:
“Mate, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but some pain is actually worth it.”
And so is calling out financial products that trap people in unnecessary debt, even if it means angry emails. Because, unlike braces, bad financial decisions don’t come off in two years. They can wire your life shut for a decade.
Tread Your Own Path!
The Worst Question EVER
Hi Scott,
My adult son posed a hypothetical question the other day: what happens if someone dies and they have a huge gambling debt? Sadly this is the reality for many young men today. Is the debt something that needs to be paid out of the deceased person’s will? We are fortunate to not have this situation but he knows young men with babies who do! Thank you. We all love your books and columns and value your advice so much!
Sharron
Sharron,
Stop what you’re doing right now and go and find your son.
When the two of you are alone, I want you to ask him the following question without flinching:
“Have you ever thought about killing yourself?”
Don’t fill in the silence. Let him answer. Maintain eye contact.
The best case scenario is that I have completely overreacted, and everything is totally fine.
The worst case scenario is too heartbreaking, and too final, to walk back from.
Don’t mess around with hypothetical questions like this – treat it as a warning signal.
I’ve spoken to enough heartbroken parents who would give anything to have that awkward three-minute conversation.
Whatever he says, let him know that you are there to support him with anything he’s going through.
If he dismisses you, feel free to give him my details, and I will help him, confidentially, and free of charge.
Good luck.
One more thing:
If you’re reading this and thinking “bloody hell, that’s me” – stop suffering in silence. You don’t have to do this alone. Pick up the phone and call 1800 858 858. The people on the other end of that line have heard it all before. They won’t judge you. And they actually know how to help. It’s free, it’s confidential, and they’re there 24/7. Sometimes the hardest part is just making the call. My advice? Do it anyway.
Should I Tell My Kids How Much I Earn?
Scott,
I need a second opinion on a years-long family dispute. My husband and I have three high schoolers who keep demanding to know our salaries. I’m all for teaching kids about money early, but we’ve always considered our earnings private – not something to share with friends or family. I also worry about the assumptions they’ll make: that salary equals lifestyle, or that our numbers will either discourage or mislead them when choosing careers. What’s your take? Should we tell our kids how much we earn?
Kathryn
Hi Kathryn,
Well, you can do what you want with your kids, but for me … it’s a HELL NO.
One day my eldest was noodling about on his calculator when he point blank asked me:
“Dad, you’ve sold three million books, right? How much does each copy sell for?”
I just stared at him.
“Not as much as you think, mate.”
Look, the problem with telling kids how much money you make is that they have zero context about how much it costs to live as a grown-up. Even for your teenagers, their financial frame of reference is $4 vapes and $14 an hour flipping burgers.
A hundred grand a year may as well be Scrooge McDuck swimming in your coin pool to them.
My view? It’s none of their business how much money you earn.
Yet what’s critical is that they watch you modelling good money behaviours.
How do you do that?
First, you give them context. Hand them their financial L-plates and let them sit in on bill paying and some spending decisions. Maybe put them in charge of monitoring the electricity bill and shopping around for a better deal.
It also means you don’t lie to them. If you’re wealthy, don’t say “I can’t afford that”. The kids will see right through it, especially if they see you spending money on other stuff.
Instead say, “I don’t want to spend my money on that”.
That sends a powerful message: you choose where your money goes, and it’s YOUR money, not theirs.
Having their own pocket money helps here. With my kids I explain that their Jam Jars are like my bank accounts – neither has an endless supply. If they really truly want something, they can do what you did: work hard, save up, and buy it themselves.
Finally, in terms of choosing their careers, I tell my kids all the time:
I’ve had a huge element of luck in my career. It’s not normal to sell so many books. There are plenty of more talented writers who haven’t been so lucky. However, they also know that I still turn up and enjoy my work even though most of the time I’m not getting paid. That’s how you know you’ve found the right career.
Your job isn’t to give them a salary target to aim for, it’s to help them find work that matters to them.
If You Could See Me Now
Hi Scott,
Ten years ago I was a 40-year-old woman leaving a violent relationship and facing $50,000 of debt that my ex had taken out in my name. I thought bankruptcy was my only option. Then my sister handed me your book. As I started reading, something clicked – a light came on – and I began working my way through the mess. During that time, I changed jobs and slowly paid off the debt. At the same time, I managed to save enough for a house deposit. I bought my first home and, using your principles, I’ve continued to put every pay rise and promotion toward my mortgage. This week, I’ll be making my final payment; my mortgage will be completely paid off! I couldn’t have done it without The Barefoot Investor. Thank you for helping me turn my life around.
Katy
Hey Katy
That’s an incredible story.
You’re not the same person who picked up that book.
In order to achieve what you’ve achieved, you’ve had to become a new person. And that isn’t easy. But you’ve done it.
There are lots of people reading this right now who are in the situation you were in, and don’t believe they can do it. You’re testament to the fact that it can be done.
If you are experiencing mental health issues or suicidal feelings contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or BeyondBlue 1300 224 636. If it is an emergency please call 000.
DISCLAIMER: Information and opinions provided in this column are general in nature and have been prepared for educational purposes only. Always seek personal financial advice tailored to your specific needs before making financial and investment decisions.
