Scott Pape: Wife exposed financially after finding out cheating husband supports another woman

A WIFE cannot rely on a philandering husband to “do the right thing” now they have broken up. She must lawyer up, writes the Barefoot Investor.

A newly separated woman needs to make sure she gets what she is entitled to.

A WIFE cannot rely on a philandering husband to “do the right thing” now they have broken up. She must lawyer up.

Note to readers: this is a long question. Most of the time I edit a bit. Not this one.

NICOLE ASKS: Just after Christmas I discovered my partner of 20 years and father to my three children has been supporting another woman for the past two years: paying her rent and giving her spending money (much, much, MUCH more than he gives me). He took her on his “business trip” to New York last year — turns out not to have been business at all! His salary ($330,000 per year) was not enough to cover the lifestyle he was having with this woman, so he took from our savings ($130,000 in 2016 alone). He has treated me terribly over the years and I have lived very cheaply. The kids and I wear op-shop clothes and I let my oldest son cut my hair (he’s 10 — my hair is curly, so I can get away with it). Meanwhile, this woman has a credit card (he never gave me one) and is getting massages and $350 haircuts, and going to day spas and fancy resorts. Well, I found all this out and confronted him. He is now leaving.

What is left of our savings is in the process of being transferred to me (about $200,000). And we own our home (worth about $800,000), which the kids and I will stay in for now. I haven’t worked for 10 years as I’ve been raising our three boys — my youngest has started school this year. Anyway, I now feel I really need to think about money. I always trusted him with the money — I never had any access, he controlled it all. So I googled you and bought your book. It arrived yesterday and I sat down and read it, highlighting bits, taking notes — and I cried. I cried with relief and ... I am just full of emotion. It has been a very tough time. Friends keep telling me to see a lawyer. I want to trust my partner will do the right thing by us. I am happy we can stay in the house and the rest of the savings are coming to me. My question is, what should I do with it?

BAREFOOT REPLIES: I feel I should be answering this question in front of a live studio audience chanting “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry”. While it would be fun to see you knock out this bozo with a chair, let’s stick to three practical things you can do right now: First, you do need to lawyer up. You can’t trust he will “do the right thing” by you. Sadly, he’s used up all his trust cookies. Nicole, he didn’t do the right thing by you when you were married, so he’s not going to change now you’re separated. You need to make sure you get precisely what you’re entitled to. Second, many women come out of financially abusive, controlling relationships with no idea how to handle their finances. Learning to successfully manage your money is a great way to rebuild your self-confidence. So I want you to follow the Barefoot Steps I detail in my book. Finally, with your youngest now at school, you’re free to start earning your own money again and making your own decisions. This is the start of a brand new life. Good luck!

 

IS RENTVESTING

WORTH IT?

CARLIE ASKS: I am 32, single, and still renting. I would like to buy a home, but prices in the area I want are way too high. The other day I saw a money program on TV in which they were talking about an alternative to the simple “rent or buy” choice — it’s called “rentvesting”. Basically, it allows you to do both: rent a nice home to live in, and buy an investment property elsewhere. Your thoughts?

BAREFOOT REPLIES: Being a rentvestor makes perfect sense … on a whiteboard, in a mortgage broker’s office. It’s when you transfer the concept to real life that things get a little trickier — or at least that’s what a lot of rentvestors tell me when they ask for help. Before taking the plunge, ask yourself the following questions: What happens if in a few years you decide you don’t want to rent? Like, say, if you get married and your partner wants to buy a family home in a good school area? And what happens if, at the same time, your investment property has dropped in value? That’s probably the most common scenario that rentvestors email me about. Many of them are effectively trapped: their investment property hasn’t increased enough to cover the upfront costs, their ongoing costs are higher than they expected, and they’re swallowing up their ability to save. Bottom line? If you want to buy a home, buy a home you can afford. Otherwise, rent and save.

BAD INVESTMENTS HURT

GARY ASKS: We are in our early 50s and own our home. Our kids — 25, 23 and 19 — all live with us. Ten years ago we got sucked into buying two negatively geared investment properties: an apartment which is now worth $410,000 (owe $395,000) and a house in Redland Bay (Qld) worth $500,000 (owe $495,000). The part that’s doing my head in is the lack of capital gains after 10 years. With the oversupply of apartments, things are not getting any better. Plus, while we have these duds we are only capable of saving about $10,000 a year. Should we get rid of them and invest in super and shares? What would you do?

BAREFOOT REPLIES: Sounds like you’re wanting me to say what you’re thinking. Fair enough. Here goes: if I was in your situation, I’d sell the investment properties. In all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never seen time turn a bad investment into a good one. Once that’s cleaned up, I’d focus on salary-sacrificing into a low-cost super fund (if you’re not in one now, look at switching to one). And one more thing — get your kidults to pay you rent!

 

The Barefoot Investor: the only money guide you’ll ever need Wiley $29.95). heraldsun.com.au/shop

Read more Barefoot: 

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The heartache of being a small business owner

Why gifting first-home buyers cash is bad

Time to remember the marriage vows say for richer or poorer

barefootinvestor.com

The Barefoot Investor holds an Australian Financial Services Licence (302081). This is general advice only. It should not replace individual, independent, personal financial advice