Gold Coast Bulletin’s top sports quotes and funniest stories of 2020

FROM the insane to the just plain funny, Gold Coast tossed up some seriously memorable quotes in 2020. READ OUR FUNNY LIST

• Fifita tug of war begins at Titans
• Streakers, dry-humpers and beers that taste like s***: Sport’s funniest yarns
• Drug scandals, foul play and ultimatums: Sport’s most explosive yarns
• Gold Coast’s sport’s most hotly debated subjects

FROM the insane to the just plain funny, Gold Coast tossed up some seriously memorable quotes in 2020. Here are some of the best.

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“You sit back in awe of some of the up-and-coming professionals, but those guys could probably do a re-entry on a fence paling with a nail for a fin.” Terry Teece describes the unique style of surfing on display at the Burleigh Boardriders Single Fin Festival.

Gold Coast surfing group Palm Beach Boardriderswith Eager Beaver Charity Surf Contest organiser Dan Binskin, Club President Ben Ingwersen, local surf guru Terry ‘Tappa’ Teece, and Palm Beach boardrider Yadin Wilson. Picture Glenn Hampson

“We’re the Gold Coast,” Gold Coast Dolphins coach Chris Swan declared after his team smashed Sandgate to qualify for their first finals series since 2013-14. “We know how to party. We had to call out a search party (for some players on Saturday night).”

“There was 20 of us born in 1992, so 18 years old in 2011 and first year in the system. We were the largest demographic of the playing group so we had the most influence over the group. It’s like handing the reins of a law firm over to kids.” Former Gold Coast Sun Tom Nicholls sheds some light on life in the early days of the AFL side.

“I got down to the line quite late and there were all these older people lined up and then my mum (Therese) came up to me and said: ‘You’re racing against Brooke Hanson, a former Olympian.’ And I was like: ‘Wait, is she in under-15?,’ ” 14-year-old Allana Glowaski after learning she would race against former Olympian Brooke Hanson, 41, at the Point Danger Branch surf lifesaving senior championships

“I didn’t think it would go viral,” Titan Keegan Hipgrave said after dry-humping Payne Haas live on national television. (WATCH THE VIDEO HERE)

“You can’t help but laugh - it’s never not going to be funny.

“If you can bump their hips with your hips it props them up a bit and gives you some space to wrestle them.

“He’s such a big boy that one pump didn’t do it, he needed another.”

Keegan Hipgrave 'dry humps' Payne Haas. Picture: Fox League

“It’s hard riding horses that are 54 years younger than you.” Jockey Robbie Fradd after winning on Wisdom of Water in the Gold Nugget in January.

“Then they said the Lions had two more picks and my name was read out and my phone blew up. I was turning 18 so I was like, am I allowed to drink and go out?” Suns AFLW player Jacqui Yorston on celebrating like a 17-year-old after getting drafted.

“Some people fell in love with it, some people hated it, but I think everyone secretly liked seeing it.” Surfers Paradise QAFL player Mitch Hopkins on his fiery red mullet.

“When I first got tackled, I thought: ‘Oh no what have I got myself into.’ But you get used to it and now tackling is fun for me.” Cheyenne Hammond’s switch from W-League to AFLW got off to a rocky start.

“Like men do I was feeling around down there one evening and thought ‘this doesn’t feel right’... I was more upset about losing my hair than finding out about having cancer.” Tweed Seagull and Southport Tiger Brock Hamill on discovering a tumour in his testicles

Brock Hamill of the Southport Tigers runs at the Mudgeeraba Redbacks defence during their RLGC A Grade clash at Firth Park, Mudgeeraba. Photograph : Jason O'Brien

“The Gold Coast itself is a beautiful place to live but I’d rather live in a shoebox and win games than lose every week.” Titans assistant coach Jim Dymock puts his approach to the game into perspective.

“We’ve got a nice night planned so it would be good to get a win in the dash for love and go out to a nice dinner with some new nice jewellery,” Matt Bevilacqua after jeweller Michael Hill coughed up some bling for the Shannon Eckstein Classic, run on Valentine’s Day.

“It’s been a bad week for us. I’m frustrated and I had to tear them all a new a*******.”

Coomera Cubs manager Andrew Azzopardi was not impressed by his side’s GBL loss to Redlands.

Coomera Cubs manager Andrew Azzopardi (R). Picture Glenn Hampson

“I have lost count of the number of comps I have entered. I donated 360 of my trophies to charity surfing events, minus the plaques,” said longboard legend and former Australian and multiple malibu champion Ray Gleave.

“I got off the field and some of the Helensvale boys gave me a Helensvale jersey and a bucket with eye-holes cut out - Ned Kelly style - and they hid me in their crowd to stop security and Gold Coast rugby from finding me. The police only found me when people started tagging me on Facebook in articles about the streak.” Former Palm Beach Currumbin rugby player Ross Colvin recounts his almost-escape from the police after streaking at the 2014 GCDRU grand final.

“I really feel that had I not come to Keebra Park I don’t think I’d be where I am now,” Brisbane Bronco Ben Te’o said.

“I picked up the ball and was like, ‘What is this?,’ ” Suns’ Irish recruit Luke Towey.

Luke Towey of the Gold Coast Suns. Photo by Chris Hyde/Getty Images

“The Gold Coast needs to get behind us and not put up with irrelevant people from Melbourne.” Suns chairman Tony Cochrane in March.

“There were quite a few coronavirus jokes being made in the field,” Broadbeach Kookaburra Cup captain Kyle Brockley said. “A few guys were coming up with suggestions for ankle touches and elbow touches (instead of handshakes), which was quite funny to watch. That helped us get back and it was all about having fun with your mates.

“We play a game and that (the jokes) just showed that camaraderie and fun is back.”

”Even now if I smell freshly cut grass I want to start running,” said Gold Coast sporting great Daphne Pirie.

“I remember my mistress at school when I was leaving saying, ‘don’t you worry about all this silly sport, you’ll get all the exercise you need with the broom’. I didn’t dare say anything. But it turned me off housework.”

“If we look at the expansion teams, and I admire what has been done with Gold Coast and GWS, but I think it might be – if we just drill into Gold Coast – are they, for what we’ve pumped in, are we getting return on investment there?” AFL identity Ross Lyon weighs into the debate on Tasmanian football - offending plenty on the GC.

“We would prefer to remain here bunkered down close to home as it is.”

Titans boss Steve Mitchell gives his thoughts on an early NRL return to action.

Chris Swan takes on Victoria in 2011. Pic Jono Searle

“I got there and Noffke was no good in the warm-up but then I went to them and said ‘I’ve just tweaked my groin too’. They said ‘well, you’re here now and you may not get another chance so have a bowl’. Gold Coast Dolphins coach Chris Swan reflects on his debut for the Queensland Bulls.

“At kick-off Dan Carter was staring at me, winked and pointed me out to Keiran Read, Sonny Bill Williams and Richie McCaw. They kicked off to me and I got smashed. To this day, the happiest I’ve been on a rugby field was at the bottom of that ruck after not turning it over.”

Jono Lance on playing in 2011 Super Rugby final v Crusaders after three games in Reds colours.

“I play some tactics but occasionally I also go for the chip-and-chase because there are no halftime blow-ups from Woolfy (coach Ben Woolf), which I’m usually on the receiving end of.” Tweed halfback Luke Jurd discusses strategy in the virtual Intrust Super Cup competition via PlayStation during ISC lockdown.

“When you have $2 million in bloodstock hanging over your head, with interest accruing and pressure mounting, it’s really difficult.” Veteran Coast racing identity Toby Edmonds.

“It’s hard to differentiate between, ‘Wow you’re my idol,’ and ‘Wow you’re my competitor.’ I’ll sort it out. I can fan girl after the heats.” World Surf League tour surfer Isabella Nichols on surfing against childhood idols like Stephanie Gilmore in January.

Isabella Nichols at the 2019 Gold Coast Open presente by Flight Centre.

Jockey Robbie Fradd had little trouble making the 52.5kg impost for racehorse Tyzone in the Stradbroke Handicap and took great delight in goading some of his fellow riders who had to do it much tougher.

“I said to Jimmy Orman, ‘you better use a breast plate, because your silks are going to slip off.’ He was that light,” Fradd told Radio TAB’s Past the Post.

“I think Dale Smith’s mouth was dryer than Moses’ sandals.

“You’ve got to do it if you want to ride in the big ones.”

“I just wanted to get a pair of togs with my name on the back of them.” Surf lifesaver Ali Day reveals his motivations to pursue the sport.

“As president I have to do what’s best for us and that’s avoiding going bankrupt.” Ormeau Shearers RLFC president John Coulter during the COVID shutdown.

“Tino went hunting for Haas that night at Homebush and he sat him on his arse,” Tino Fa’asuamaleaui’s manager Simon Mammino speaking about the feud between Tino and Payne Haas.

Tino Fa'asuamaleaui of the Maroons and Payne Haas of the Blues scuffle. (Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)

“I’m not particularly interested in what the dribblers of the world want to say.” Suns chairman Tony Cochrane on the critics who slammed AFL grand final entertainment.

“You know why (Richmond) are in the final? The team is eating my kebab.

“They have the special vitamin: Kebab power.” Kebab Zone Surfers Paradise manager Kadir Akca reveals the secret ingredient to Richmond’s AFL grand final qualification.