Former NRL champion Ben Barba reveals the tragic cost of rugby league fame

In a warning to every young talent in the game and NRL officials, Ben Barba says his inability to cope with the spotlight and pressure of being a star of the game led to his darkest of days.

Former NRL champion Ben Barba has revealed the heartbreaking pain of wanting to end his own life.

In a warning to every young talent in the game and NRL officials, the former Sharks premiership-winner and 2012 Dally M player of the year says his inability to cope with the spotlight and pressure of being a star of the game led to the downward spiral that ended his career.

The former Bulldogs, Broncos and Sharks fullback was recognised as one of the game’s most elusive and exciting fullbacks.

However, his 168-game career was stymied by alcohol, drug use, relationship breakdown and assault convictions.

Barba’s last game was for Cronulla, when he scored a match-defining try in the club’s historic 2016 grand final win.

He was released from his contract just days after the club’s premiership celebrations when he was found to have consumed cocaine.

In a wide-ranging interview on Andy Raymond’s Unfiltered podcast series, Barba revealed how it was his four daughters that saved his life.

Ben Barba was instrumental in Cronulla’s premiership win. Picture: Gregg Porteous

“It got to the point of suicide where I would sit there and think I can’t do this no more,” Barba said.

“It’s sad, because it’s not just me, it’s (a lot of) society these days.

“My (life) was a little bit more in the media and there were times there that I just wanted to end it all.

“It’s easy to say this when you look at guys that do it, to say, it’s so weak.

“But when you’re in that position yourself, you think, hold on a second, it’s easy to take all your problems away.

“My four girls saved me more times than they’ll ever know.

“I’m not ashamed to say that I thought my life would be easier, but imagine their lives if they woke up and their dad wasn’t around anymore?”

Born in Darwin and raised in Mackay, Barba was scouted to the Bulldogs at the age of 18.

He admitted that the transition from a young boy from far North Queensland who played rugby league for fun, to becoming one of the best players in the game with the spotlight following his every move, was something he never adjusted to.

Ben Barba with his daughters Bodhi, Blaise, Bobbi, and Bronte. Picture: Peter Wallis

“No one taught me to be Benny Barba the football star, the famous person,” Barba, 34, said.

“Where I came from, my parents worked hard for what we had and I didn’t come from a lot.

“I wish I had that little bit more knowledge and strength to be able to handle it.

“It wasn’t ingrained in me. I’ve obviously had some good role models in my life, but I didn’t have too many to choose from.

“I wish I had the right tools, when I think back, to handle it. Who knows, I could still be playing.

“I played footy because I wanted to play football.

“They (club) try to help you, but there’s only so much they can show you, unless they’re in that position themselves.

“Footy was my passion and as soon as it became a job that’s when the pressure took its toll.

“I lost my way.

“I said to myself, if people want me to be who everyone wants me to be, I may as well milk it for all its worth.

“Obviously then the alcohol and the drugs took their toll.

“It was like, 12 months ago no one would piss on you if you were on fire, then you’d go out and not have to spend a dime because everyone wanted to buy Benny Barba a beer.

“I jumped at it. I didn’t handle it the right way.

“I wish I was level-headed.”

Legal issues ended Barba’s NRL career. Picture: Daryl Wright

Barba said he regrets how his NRL career ended in 2016, leading him to accept a contract in the English Super League, simply to make sure he could continue providing for his family.

Barba continued to excel in England, becoming the second person after Gavin Miller to win a Dally M and Man of Steel award.

He returned to Australia in 2019 but was released by North Queensland without playing a game following an alleged assault.

“The biggest regret was not knowing where the next pay cheque was coming from,” Barba said.

“I’d put pressure on myself because of my stupidness and then put it back on my family.

“I was lucky enough to then go overseas and experience that.”

Barba also gave a surprising response when asked which of the 2012 or 2016 season he felt was his best?

“I thought 2016 was better than 2012,” Barba said.

“Although I wasn’t scoring all the fancy 100-metre tries (in 2016), I thought my involvement and what I was doing was better than 12.

“I based my game on my defence and my structure and how I set up the line.

“I went over to England the following year and adapted, but I could’ve been doing that the year after with the Sharks.

“They went onto another major semi and I sit back and often think what if they had my involvement as the fullback we could have won it again.”

Barba has continue to play local football, recently winning the Koori Knockout alongside Jack Wighton, Joel Thompson and Isaiah Tass.

He lives in Mackay, no longer watches footy and only has one goal in life.

“I don’t like watching footy with people either because after having that inside knowledge (of the NRL), you hear your regular ‘Joe Blows’ have their say (about a player), and I’ll be sitting back thinking, hold on a second,” Barba said.

“I try to keep as relaxed as possible and lean on my family.

“I’ve got my four daughters, Brodie, Bronte, Blaze and Bobbie all growing.

“I just try to be the best father I can be. They’re my world. I love them to death.”

Originally published as Former NRL champion Ben Barba reveals the tragic cost of rugby league fame