High drama in cricket’s soap opera but ratings are just not there

Bollywood might have embraced the latest Aussie cricket soap opera, but self-proclaimed producer Justin Langer reckons some of his local cast just didn’t capture audiences at home.

Producer Justin Langer and Shane Warne talk scripts for the next series of Australian cricket soap opera.

Last week Australian cricket coach Justin Langer described his new job as “Producer of a soap opera”.

Today Front Row is delighted to publish an “exclusive” interview with Justin in which he reveals what viewers and long-time fans can look forward to in coming months.

Front Row: Justin, thanks very much for joining us. How are you enjoying your new role?

Justin Langer: Well, I must say it is a lot different to what I’m used to. Facing up to Curtley Ambrose and Courtney Walsh on a bouncing pitch was a piece of cake compared to producing a TV soap opera.

FR: Especially one that is rating as poorly as yours is right now.

JL: Yeah well things weren’t going too well when I took over but it’s my job to bring back the viewers.

FR: Would it be fair to say you’ve got off to an ordinary start?

JL: No it wouldn’t, the ratings don’t lie and right now our numbers are slightly below re-runs of Paradise Beach.

FR: The new characters you’ve introduced haven’t exactly set the world on fire.

JL: You’re not wrong. Some of the auditions were great but their performances have been wooden and the critics have been brutal.

FR: I guess the experiment with writing in those Indian stars didn’t pay off either.

JL: It was worth a try. Virat Kohli is absolutely huge over there and we thought it we could tap into the Bollywood market.

Coach Justin Langer and lead actor, captain Tim Paine, look forward to their next episode.

Shane Warne tells Justin Langer that if he wants ratings for his soap opera, then he’s his man.

FR: So how did it work out?

JL: Great response in India but Australia didn’t go for it.

FR: You can say that again — and local viewers weren’t happy when you killed off three of the most popular characters early last year, were they?

JL: No, again not on my watch, but not exactly a ratings winner. I guess the former production team underestimated the effect it would have. Steve Smith was the perennial schoolboy that all the women wanted to mother, Cam Bancroft was the goofy loser (that episode where he described how he got headbutted was one of most popular of all time) and Dave Warner was the villain everyone loved to hate.

FR: Any truth to the rumours you’re going to bring them back.

JL: Let’s just say we’re not ruling it out. The writers are working on it as we speak.

FR: How can you do that and make it believable?

JL: Well, Arnold Feather’s amputated leg grew back on Number 96 and Bobby Ewing’s death turned out to be Pam’s dream on Dallas, so it’s pretty much anything goes.

FR: Yeah, but Dave Warner is no Arnold Feather.

Justin Langer tells one of his cast members to exit stage right.

JL: True, but mate we’re desperate. Did you watch the last Test?

FR: Good point. So what else are you going to try?

JL: We’re taking the whole show to England in August.

FR: Excuse me?

JL: Look, it’s an oldie but a goodie. You remember when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii? Rated its socks off. And Modern Family came to Australia, and who can forget The Love Boat? They went everywhere.

FR: But what if you fail over there as well?

JL: Funny you should ask. Last thing James Sutherland did before he left was buy the rights to the Happy Day episode where Fonzie jumps the shark.

FR: But that was a disaster. Worst show ever.

JL: Not the way we’re going to do it.

FR: How’s that?

JL: We’re using Dave Warner … and a real shark.

Originally published as High drama in cricket’s soap opera but ratings are just not there