‘Disgraceful’: Buckley’s sad confession of disrespectful behaviour

Footy legend Nathan Buckley has revealed his regret while for the first time addressing “disrespectful” behaviour he showed behind the scenes.

Brodie Ryan and Nathan Buckley. Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images.

Collingwood legend Nathan Buckley has shared regrets about “disgraceful” behaviour during his footy career.

The former coach has opened up with brave honesty about his struggles with living as a star footballer — and how he took it out on those around him.

The 52-year-old has recently been sharing his journey of personal growth — and he’s now for the first time addressed the struggles he felt at the lowest points of his career.

Buckley has told The Imperfects podcast about his brutal insecurities — and how they brought about behaviour that he now says was “disgraceful”.

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“The guy that had tears running down his cheeks was thankful that it was raining periodically, because he never wanted to show weakness, never wanted to show vulnerability,’ Buckley said.

“And I reckon if people did know, they’d be like, ‘Err... freak’.”

He said making himself isolated to those around him was one of the coping strategies he used to avoid dealing with his emotional insecurity in such a public scene.

“It was partly a protective mechanism,” he said.

Nathan Buckley and girlfriend Brodie Ryan. Photo by Dylan Burns/AFL Photos via Getty Images.

“I didn’t see it (as me struggling). And there were coping (mechanisms): drinking heavily on a weekend, because if I couldn’t control it all, then I wanted to forget it, so I went down that cycle — ‘I want to control everything, but then I want to control nothing’.

“There were a lot of ineffective, damaging behaviours that were in there. Probably the way around you viewed yourself, as much as anything. But a lot of numbing and coping strategies to try and handle that intensity of performance.

“I had coaches that were continually trying to have this conversation with me.

“The one that was consistent was my attitude; on-field attitude towards my teammates. And my very visible disappointment, vitriol, whatever you want to call it

“My body language was terrible at those early stages, and it was disrespectful to myself, to my teammates, to the team, to the club, to the AFL, to the position and the benefit that I had of running around on the middle of the MCG.

“To behave the way that I behaved was disgraceful, really, when I step back.

“I’ve never actually voiced that specifically.”

2019 AFL Brownlow medal awards red carpet arrivals. Nathan and Tania Buckley. Picture: Jason Edwards

Buckley last year told The Herald Sun in an interview with Hamish McLachlan about his journey of self discovery and self improvement when addressing the “trauma” of his marriage breakdown.

Buckley and ex-wife Tania split in 2020.

“The most traumatic thing that’s happened to me recently was my marriage breaking down,” he said.

“The two most important things to me were family and footy. That was pretty much me. And when the family element started breaking down, my immediate family, I lent on football even more than I had before.

“It wasn’t just kicks, marks and handballs – it was the people in at footy in the footy club, and I think because they saw me vulnerable and imperfect, I actually think that deepened the connection.

“They realised that I needed them, potentially for the first time in our respective relationships.

“For the first time they saw that I needed support, and that I didn’t have all the answers, that I wasn’t bulletproof, that I wasn’t putting on this facade of ‘I’ve got it all sorted’.”

Nathan Buckley was never bulletproof. Photo by Michael Willson/AFL Photos via Getty Images.

He also shared details of his attempts to hide tears while playing football even as a junior.

“I used to run around the training track at the Brisbane Bears in 93’ and early at Collingwood, with tears running down my cheeks, sobbing uncontrollably,” he said.

“I always thought I was quite a resilient character, and I didn’t understand what was going on. I just wiped them away and kept going.

“I still remember sprinting from the centre square out to the wing to break the space to receive a kick and that wave comes for 15, 20 seconds. If it’s raining, it’s better because no one can see it!

“I reckon it happened four or five times that I can remember in the early stages of my career, and you’d just brush it off, push it back down.”

Buckley went on to say that the adversities he’s faced have given him a bigger picture outlook on life.

“To sum it up, don’t sweat the small stuff,” he said.

“Everything was always huge to me. Even the small things! It’s taken like a long time to be half comfortable with not sweating the small stuff and remembering ‘This too shall pass’.

“Not everything that is bad now, will stay bad, and not everything that’s great now, will stay great. So just breathe through it and do the best you can when you can and then when you know better, do better.”

Buckley has been dating Melbourne businesswoman Brodie Ryan since 2022.

The former hard-nosed footballer is one of the most popular commentators in Australian football through his work with Fox Footy.

Originally published as ‘Disgraceful’: Buckley’s sad confession of disrespectful behaviour