Is Tinder a dating revolution that brings freedom and love, or romance killer leaving us lonely?
Is Tinder the dating app for our times, offering casual sex but also a chance at finding real love? Or has it killed romance? JOIN THE CONVERSATION
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Is Tinder the dating app for our times, offering casual sex but also a chance at finding real love? Or has it killed romance?
We asked the public.
GRACE SAYS:
There is an old-fashioned rule that says on a first date, you should not discuss sex, politics or religion.
Apparently, these topics don’t make for polite conversation.
I, on the other hand, think a first date is the perfect time to have these discussions.
The simple reason for this is I don’t like wasting my time, and tackling difficult conversations about things that matter on a first date means I know from the start if something is worth pursuing.
I don’t want to date someone – even briefly – if our values don’t align, and this is where dating apps can be a huge blessing.
On apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, there are convenient filtering systems which allow you to pick and choose the characteristics of the people you may match with – such as their political leanings.
This system fortunately does not extend to physical attributes, but if it’s important you’re dating a non-smoker or a non-drinker, for example, this is something you can control.
Dating apps have the ability to cut out the middleman of wasting your time enduring several painful dates, only to find out they have a secret Nickelback obsession – or something equally as unforgivable.
Importantly, you can also choose the gender of the person you wish to match with.
In a heterosexual-centric world, apps remain one of the few safe spaces for queer people to date and meet others in a romantic setting.
Only queer people can relate to that internal screaming feeling of liking someone, striking up a conversation, trying to drop every hint – in a subtle yet noticeable way – that you’re interested, while trying to work out if they are too.
It’s a recipe for sweaty palms, awkward conversations and suggestive tones.
Dating apps cut through the nonsense, because by virtue of matching with someone online, you already know their inclinations.
People are also not necessarily searching for ‘the one’ when they sign up to a dating app.
It may come as a shock, but some people just want no-strings-attached sex – a human inclination unchanged since the dawn of time.
Whether or not you deem this ‘right’ or ‘decent’, it’s the way things are – and surely meeting someone on an app, where there are no false pretences and all cards are on the table, is a healthy way of expressing this desire.
Trying to stop the rise of dating apps is like stapling jelly to a wall, because I could count on one hand the number of people I know under 25 who have not had a foray into online dating.
What’s more, digital dating experiences are not dissimilar to meeting complete strangers in bars: some dates go well, some you’d rather forget about.
Apps are not here to replace traditional dating, they’re expanding dating options.
If hopping online and swiping left and right doesn’t float your boat, no one is making you do it.
But for some, online options have opened up the dating scene in ways that were previously inaccessible.
Ultimately, the long-term success of dating apps speaks for itself.
I know a happily married couple who met on Bumble, and know of Tinder-originating relationships preparing to hit five and ten year anniversaries.
There’s no guarantee you’ll meet Mr or Ms Right on a dating app, but if you don’t, it’s not because the system is rigged against you – unfortunately, you just haven’t met the right person yet.
CARLY SAYS:
Dating apps have killed romance and young women are paying the price.
What fun it should be to be a single young woman; to meet a man in a pub, get asked for coffee by an attractive stranger, go on a dinner date with someone you met on the train.
If only that was the case.
As a 23-year-old, I am regrettably embedded in the cheap and casual culture of dating apps, which has created a generation of men who shudder at the thought of being rejected.
The exhilarating rush of a first chance encounter has been replaced with the cheap thrill of success in the clinical swiping game.
We are now tackling our obsession with casual sex, mixed with our seemingly debilitating ‘social anxiety’, by phone, avoiding potentially awkward conversations and escaping in-person rejection.
By 2024, 460m people worldwide will be using dating apps or online dating services, according to Statista.
That’s a 310 million jump in people sourcing hook-ups online or telling their children they met through a dating app compared to 2017 figures - and unfortunately you can count in the vast majority of my single, male friends.
How have we come to this?
An eternity of what-could-have-beens is being lost to the abyss of anxiety. And the solution is only picking apart the social fabric.
What a natural thing it was for a man to walk up to a woman at a bar and offer a compliment, to buy her a drink or simply to ask her name.
Such a painless manoeuvre that is now considered daring.
The handsome stranger who followed me 100 metres and into my office building to ask for my number last week no doubt weighed up the potential of being called a number of offensive names.
The word I offered to him was brave. But why should that be the case?
We can revive chivalry without resuscitating a culture of harassment.
And yes, of course I could make the first move. Women should.
But flipping the script isn’t helping women or men. It’s creating a generation of men sitting back and taking the easy road and a generation of women surrendering to dating apps to find a love interest.
This is not to say young men are at fault. They are simply doing what suits them, and what puts them in the safest possible position as they front modern day dating.
You’re busy, can’t be stuffed going on dates and you’re not too hot on the idea of a girlfriend.
Like the generation of youngsters that have come before you, you’ve got one thing on your mind and now, you’ve got a digital catalogue to choose from in the palm of your hand.
You could meet 22-year-old Jessica on Hinge who lives just 10km away. Based on her six photos and handful of “prompts”, she’s a match! A Saturday hook-up organised via message in just a matter of minutes.
A delivery service - just like Uber Eats. Convenient but kicking a snowballing lump of laziness and instant gratification further down a very steep hill.
These apps are training us to understand sex as a transaction, nothing more. And we wonder why people are so dissatisfied with their love life’s.
We are losing the art of courtship. Fast. And I don’t see us picking up our game anytime soon.
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Originally published as Is Tinder a dating revolution that brings freedom and love, or romance killer leaving us lonely?
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