Rory Sloane: ‘I look for the beautiful moments in life that remind me of my son, Leo’

Three years after losing his first son, the Crows captain has joined other bereaved dads in a video project to help deal with their grief. See the video.

Whenever Crows captain Rory Sloane sees a beautiful sunset, or a dolphin cruises past while he’s out surfing, he’ll think of his firstborn son, Leo.

Leo was born, sleeping, in August, 2018, only days before Sloane’s first Father’s Day and it was only through talking and listening to the stories of others who had gone through a similar situation that he and wife Belinda were able to deal with their heartache and grief.

“To have that Father’s Day without your son who was meant to be there, it was very emotional and it was at that point I was still very angry and probably insular about it all,” he said.

“When we lost Leo in 2018, it was people reaching out, it was people sharing their stories – whether that be fathers, whether that be grandparents – that helped us through that whole time, because we couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel at that point.

“There were so many people who were so selfless with their time, it just really helped.”

It’s for this reason the 229-game AFL star is involved in a new online video series, created by Red Nose Australia, which aims to provide help and advice to bereaved fathers and their families and friends: He wants to help others.

Rory and Belinda Sloane with their children Sonny and Bodhi. Picture: PENNY VINEY PHOTOGRAPHY

Sloane is the captain of the Adelaide Crows. Picture: Sarah Reed

The Fathers of Loss series is 10 short videos filmed with eight dads from across Australia who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, including Sloane. “We love talking about Leo,” he said.

“I’ve got two beautiful boys now who are here because of Leo, so we love talking about him, we love celebrating him, we love others talking about him too, and that was another reason it was important to do the video series, to give families and friends of people who have gone through this same situation, an idea that it’s fine to talk.”

Sloane said when he was first dealing with his grief, he was angry and confused.

“But then we saw a grief counsellor and she helped really normalise our feelings,” he said. “I went surfing a couple of weeks later and I remember looking around, it was a beautiful night.

“I was so emotional because I was thinking of Leo, but it was a really beautiful moment and it made me really happy, and having this contrast of these completely opposite feelings I started to … look for the beautiful moments in life that remind me of my son.

Fatherhood has brought Rory Sloane immense joy. Picture: Getty Images

“And I think that’s how Leo’s shaped my life, that I now look for these great moments, where you might miss them and then I’ll be in the ocean and there’ll be a dolphin nearby, or a nice sunset.

“It will be one of those really peaceful moments in life, that will remind me of him.

“It’s been such a great way to live since we’ve lost him.”

Sloane said becoming a father again to Sonny, nearly two, and Bodhi, seven months, had brought immense joy.

He said he’d most likely be celebrating Father’s Day on Sunday at home.

Fathers are less likely to ask for help when dealing with grief after losing a baby, and Sloane wants them to know that it’s OK to talk. Picture: Getty Images

“Certainly Leo’s involved in that,” he said. “We’ve got his ashes still and he’s always involved in Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, he’s a big part of our lives.

“(And) to have every day with Sonny and Bodhi is pretty amazing.”

Red Nose Australia joint-chief executive Keren Ludski said fathers were less likely to reach out for counselling after the death of their baby or young child, with only one in five of the 5300 people who contacted Red Nose for counselling in the past year being men.

The Fathers of Loss campaign can be found at rednosegriefandloss.org.au/fathers-of-loss

Originally published as Rory Sloane: ‘I look for the beautiful moments in life that remind me of my son, Leo’