Don’t panic - Christmas is still a month away. You can be nice to the staff | Tom Bowden
It’s that time of year again when it’s apparently OK to be a jerk to retail staff and drive like a menace, writes Tom Bowden.
It’s now just under a month until Christmas.
Allow me to elaborate, because sometimes tone and intention doesn’t always come across in print the way it would if I was across the table at the pub reading this piece to you.
Actually, that’d be weird. And borderline arrogant. And awfully presumptuous of me that your and my idea of a dream Friday night might be the same. But here you are, reading this, so you never know …
Anyway, it’s now just under a month to Christmas. And I don’t mean that in the same way your friends on Facebook do with their little status updates designed to get you to freak the f--- out while you wonder why when they chose the colour of the background they went with a plain block tone and not something more festive to sit behind their all caps message of doom.
No, I mean it in the “Hey guess what I just noticed – you’ve still got almost a whole month to get ready for Christmas. That’s pretty good news, isn’t it? Heaps of time left.”
But it seems there are some among us who haven’t quite grasped that concept. They’re in full panic mode already.
I went up into Rundle Mall the other day and the whole experience felt significantly higher stakes than normal.
There I was on a casual stroll and to admire the Christmas decorations which I think get put up at the same time the Cadbury Santas hit the shelves which I think is probably about May, and everyone’s running around like they’ve got a poo coming.
I went to another shopping centre the other day and it’s the same thing – people frantically rushing around like the fat man’s coming tomorrow or something. And it was everyone.
This wasn’t just busy young mums getting organised, there were older folk there too giving off serious crackhead energy as they furiously crossed things off their list and said things like: “It’s the only thing she said she wants for Christmas and if we don’t find it that’ll be her whole school holidays ruined. Is that what you want, Trevor? To see Tiffany crying on Christmas morning because she missed out on the Polly Pocket Pollyville Super Slidin’ Water Park Playset because you decided you needed to sit down because your feet hurt? Honestly, Trevor, would it kill you to think about someone other than yourself for once? For goodness sake, the things I put up with!”
I’ve seen people be increasingly rude to checkout staff, been cut off and flipped off in shopping centre carparks and watched as people with trolleys full of presents roam shopping aisles with a look in their eye that says they’re prepared to mow down anyone who comes between them and a roll of wrapping paper.
The madness seems to start earlier and earlier each year. And the lunacy is there’s likely less competition for physical stuff in shops as people embrace online shopping for the convenience, and to avoid bumping into people like Trevor’s wife in the shops. So how about we all just take a few deep breaths and calm our collective farms? Despite what some on Facebook may tell you, now’s not the time to freak out.
Christmas is the best part of a month away. You’ve still got plenty of time to do everything you need to – buy the food, hang the decorations, prep the garden, and clean the pool. You’ve almost certainly got enough time to be nice to the checkout girl, wrap the presents, not be a dick in traffic, and perhaps most importantly, buy that bloody Polly Pocket Pollyville Super Slidin’ Water Park Playset for dear, sweet Tiffany.
If you’re reading this, Trevor – stay strong, my brother. Your missus sounds like a friggin’ nightmare.
Originally published as Don’t panic - Christmas is still a month away. You can be nice to the staff | Tom Bowden
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