Reserving a spot on the beach isn’t ‘unAustralian’, Anthony Albanese. It’s hard work in action | Amanda Blair

It’s not my fault if you’re too slack to get up early and stake out a prime piece of waterfront real estate, writes Amanda Blair.

This week on breakfast television, the place where they chew the fat on all the fat stories, the Prime Minister called me “un-Australian”.

He jokingly said my kind are “dividing the nation” with our selfish ways.

We’ve gone unchecked for too long, have become a nuisance and are creating an “us and them” scenario.

Yeah, well tough Albo, take your tongue out of your cheek, because it’s survival of the fittest out there.

It’s kill or be killed and if you don’t get up early in the morning to set up your Cool Cabana on prime real estate before anybody else snaps up your killer position (away from the rocks, not too far from the ramp, not near the large family with the beach cricket set) you’re the one who’s un-Australian.

Since Father Time was a child we’ve worked hard to get what we want.

TELL US MORE IN THE COMMENTS

We’ve fought fires, floods, flies and Collingwood supporters to establish this fine nation and this took grit, fortitude, planning and sacrifice.

May I remind you that nothing comes to those who sit back on their butt expecting the world will deliver them a favour.

You want shade, you bloody-well go out and get shade sometimes going the extra mile, even setting an alarm on holidays.

That’s right. An alarm. On holidays. The sacrifice.

I was first alerted to this requirement when visiting a Bali resort back in ’98.

There were a limited number of poolside sun-beds available and our Lufthansa-flying, lederhosen-wearing guests had all got up early and placed their towels on the good ones, leaving the rest of us playing an awkward game of musical chairs for the remaining.

Sure it annoyed me at the time, but I figured that the citizens from the nation who invented the airbag, computer, aspirin, car, toothpaste and beer could teach me – a citizen from the nation that invented the goon bag, chicken salt and the Oodie – a thing or two.

So with this in mind we pad down to the shore at first light setting up an assortment of pastel hued Cool Cabanas.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese in the Cook Islands in November 2023. Picture: DFAT

The Moana green and white striped canvas served us well for years but we tired of the pegs, poles and constant position shifts and collapses as the sun and wind changed direction.

The other beach essentials – Costco Tommy Bahama chairs (fully reclinable with cup holder and padded head rest), sand repelling towels, ice filled Esky, boxes of Chicken Crimpy/BBQ Shapes and the summer accessory – Archies orthopaedic thongs, are strategically placed underneath at set up time ensuring our CC looks “lived in”. Passers-by are fooled into thinking we’ve gone for a dip.

Later on when the wind has dropped and the temperature risen, we wander to our shady space and take up residence.

Sure, we often get ‘looks’ from other beach users who arrived after us and got an inferior position, but I pass these off as more envy than scorn.

Because possession is nine-tenths of the law and the beach is a “public” space and I am a member of the “public” so what’s the problem?

We’re living in a country abounding in nature’s gifts and girt by sea, so what if we’re also girt by Cool Cabanas? We’ve got room, harden up.

If you leisurely stroll down at 2pm after a full cooked breakfast and a lie in to discover there’s no room for your weird looking pop up tent or potentially lethal-could-impale-a-child-at-first-gust-of-wind conventional beach umbrella and feel the need to take to social media to complain, I have three words for you – SUCK. IT. UP.

Get up earlier, find another beach or buy a Clark Rubber above ground pool and stay at home.

Or you could deploy another great Aussie tradition and take somebody else’s space without asking … just move on in.

We’re great at that.

Originally published as Reserving a spot on the beach isn’t ‘unAustralian’, Anthony Albanese. It’s hard work in action | Amanda Blair