Sydney singles open up about city’s horror dating scene
We spoke to seven Sydney singles to try and truly understand what is going wrong in the dating scene. For one single it was summed up by one word.
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We spoke to seven Sydney singles to try and truly understand what is going wrong in the dating scene and why it is so hard to find love in the Harbour city. See what they had to say:
Tara Anneliese, 26 - it’s complicated.
DATING EXPERIENCE IN ONE WORD: Unhinged
WORST THING ABOUT DATING IN SYDNEY? Australians are known for being laid back, but sometimes, said Tara, it can be too much. “You are expecting the bare minimum and often getting the bare minimum. The laziness is always present.”
She’s currently seeing someone who bucks this trend, but there’s a twist - he isn’t from Sydney.
“The guy I am seeing does put in the effort that has been lacking in my dating experience… but he isn’t Australian born and raised. He has a different understanding of how he dates. It is his saving grace,” she said.
APPROACH TO DATING: Tara has removed herself from the dating app world because “it sort of feels like you’re online shopping but for people, and that feels so weird.” She said dating apps have created an unhealthy perception that people are “just a photo and it doesn’t really matter.”
“You can just swipe and see someone totally new, it gives the perception that there is so many options out there, the idea of picking one is challenging,” she said.
She said apps have made dating feel like ‘something you do on your commute to work, it’s not something people put all that much intention and time into.”
“I don’t think you can pick up the vibe of someone from six photos and three prompts, which most likely came from ChatGpt,” she said.
THOUGHTS ON APPROACHING SOMEONE IN PERSON: “I don’t think anyone dates the old-fashioned way any more of going up to people in a bar or at a coffee shop. It’s been replaced by a subtle, rizzy DM slide,” she said.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT SYDNEY’S DATING SCENE WHAT WOULD IT BE? “I would change people’s ability to actually communicate with one another.”
Paul Oldham, 36 - Single for two years.
DATING EXPERIENCE IN ONE WORD: Varied
WORST PART OF DATING IN SYDNEY? “Sydney is fast-paced,” according to 36-year-old Paul, especially when compared to his hometown of Manchester. “There’s a lot more people travelling through,” he said. “Everyone is a bit more focused on their career and themselves.” Dating he says, “can feel like a job interview.”
“I think in Sydney people are looking for perfection and they’re not never going to find perfection.”
APPROACH TO DATING: Hinge, Bumble, Tinder - Paul has tried them all. The verdict? He is increasingly turning to in-person dating events, “just to connect with people more. To see if there is chemistry straight away.”
“It’s the opposite to dating apps - you see them straight away so you can see if there is an attraction and chemistry, and get to know them afterwards.”
Approaching someone in person: Since Covid, Paul has struggled to approach women at a bar or pub. “I don’t think it is as easy to do anymore because I think everyone is programed to be on their phone so much,” he said. “It’s not normalised. It’s not normal anymore. I would prefer to have been born in the 1960s.”
Indra McKie, 28. Single for 1.5 years
DATING EXPERIENCE IN ONE WORD? Disenhearted
WORST PART OF DATING IN SYDNEY? “Sydney is lazy. We are so addicted to scrolling and being on our phones, I’d rather be in bed than getting to go out and potentially be disappointed.”
APPROACH TO DATING: Indra works for an in-person dating event, Thursday Dating. Every Thursday they fill a bar with single people, “to see sparks fly.” She admits she occasionally downloads the apps during “lulls in her life.”
“There are definitely men who are still on the apps who are too afraid to come out to events… I don’t know if that is a red flag. I pop on occasionally, have a conversation and go on one or two apps and then delete it.
“Sometimes I go to psychics. I think that’s the problem with dating you get so many opinions thrown in your ears.”
IS IT POSSIBLE TO FIND LOVE IN SYDNEY? Indra believes the cost of living makes dating hard in Sydney. “It can be so expensive to go out on dates, to feel financially stable, you always have roommates you don’t want to bring someone home, or you might be living with your parents.”
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT SYDNEY’S DATING SCENE WHAT WOULD IT BE? Indra would “give everyone a million dollars”, throw a big single retreat, because “you have to spend more time with people and get to know them beyond the surface level.”
Andrew Bronier, 36. Single for three years.
DATING EXPERIENCE IN ONE WORD: Chaotic
WORST PART OF DATING IN SYDNEY? If you ask Andrew the worst part of dating in Sydney is “all the ghosting.” “The problem with ghosting is if you think you are on the page with someone, you’re not.” People who are dating in Sydney are overly superficial,” he said.
APPROACH TO DATING: Andrew admits that he would never cold approach someone in a normal social situation, but enjoys in-person dating events. “That’s the beauty of in-person events, it’s the fact you know why everyone is there.”
HORROR STORY: On one of Andrew’s very first Tinder dates, he was introduced to his date’s parents, only to learn his date’s father was his dentist. “Suffice to say I didn’t go back to see that dentist again.”
Samuel Norton, 32. Single for two years.
DATING EXPERIENCE IN ONE WORD: Turbulent
WORST PART OF DATING IN SYDNEY? The personal trainer describes Sydney as cliquey, and “app-centric.” “There’s a lot of individual groups of populations that keep to themselves. A lot of people are happily staying in their own lane. It’s not the easiest place in the world to make friends,” he said. He says dating in Sydney is ‘transactional’.
“I have seen more people wanting to Instagram their dinners than eat them,” he said.
APPROACH TO DATING: Sam stays away from the apps, finding them “inane and boring.” “You don’t get a feel for who a person is. You get a curated window display, and it usually ends up not to be the truth.”
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT SYDNEY’S DATING SCENE WHAT WOULD IT BE? “I would ask for more experiences,” said Sam. “More about doing stuff, less about how much is spent on the bill, more about the creativity and the thoughtfulness,” he said.
Kriti Gupta, 28. Single for six months.
DATING EXPERIENCE IN ONE WORD: Chaotic
WORST PART OF DATING IN SYDNEY? Kriti describes Sydney as a “rat race”, where dating is at the bottom of people’s priorities. “The worst thing about dating in Sydney is that Sydney is a career and transit focused city,” she said.
“People move here because they are trying to make something out of their life…dating is a second or third priority,” she said.
APPROACH TO DATING: Like many people in Sydney, Kriti has often approached dating in a ‘transactional way.’ She admits she has “scheduled in dates.” “Not necessarily because I have wanted to be in a relationship with someone… it was my overly extended version of Sunday scaries.”
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT SYDNEY’S DATING SCENE WHAT WOULD IT BE? “If I could change one thing about Sydney’s dating scene it’s something I would also have to change about myself,” said Kriti. She said she would stop treating dates as a “hobby or activity”, and “actually treating it as something to look for purpose and connection.”
Hannah Zaslawski, 31. Single for eight years.
DATING EXPERIENCE IN ONE WORD: Hopeful (or tragic).
WORST PART OF DATING IN SYDNEY? Hannah has lived in London and said there is major differences between dating in Sydney and the UK. “In London, men are more willing to approach women,” she said. She believes Sydney men are afraid of reaction and ‘don’t know how to interact with women anymore out of fear of not knowing what they want.”
APPROACH TO DATING: Hannah believes apps have given people the illusion “there’s always someone better out there.” She said people are less willing to invest in getting to someone.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT SYDNEY’S DATING SCENE WHAT WOULD IT BE? “Effort and reliability” said Hannah. “Don’t bail on dates! Nine out of ten times I am getting ready for a date, I am thinking in my head as I am doing my makeup, ‘are they going to follow through? Am I going on a date this evening?’” she said.
Originally published as Sydney singles open up about city’s horror dating scene
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