‘I was tired of waiting’: sexual assault survivor changes consent education agenda at school

At 14 Chloe was sexually assaulted — but when she told her school counsellor, she received a lecture about ‘male sexual frustration’. Now in year 11, Chloe is inspiring change.

Chloe was 14 years old when she began to confide in a school counsellor about being the victim of a sexual assault.

It took her almost a year to recover from the response she received.

“I remember her telling me something to the effect of it was probably just my age,” the now 16-year-old survivor said. “She then sat me down and spoke to me about male sexual frustration.”

Year 11 student Chloe advocated for a change to the way sex education was taught in her school. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

Chloe, whose last name we’ve chosen not to publish, looks back now and knows that the counsellor‘s response was wrong and steeped in victim-blaming.

But at the time, as a vulnerable teenager, she was made to feel her abuse was her fault and that she had asked for it.

Chloe has since left that school and is now in year 11 at St Vincent’s College in Sydney’s Potts Point.

Motivated by her own experience and similar, harrowing accounts from friends over a few years, Chloe inspired St Vincent’s to change the way it taught students about healthy relationships and sex.

“I think it probably started with Chanel Contos’s petition, that was probably the catalyst for it,” she said.

“I felt that our student body and cohort didn’t really have the voice and agency I felt it needed.

“I was tired of waiting for someone to take up that role. So I decided to.”

Chloe felt a sense of familiarity when Contos’s petition calling for improved consent education sparked a flood of public disclosures this year from school girls who had been sexually assaulted.

Chloe, 16, was sexually assaulted two years ago and says her experience is one shared by many teenage girls. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

“Hearing how she had gone around her friend circle at a sleepover and they told their stories, I had really similar experiences,” she said.

“I remember going around a friend group outside of school and there wasn’t one person who hadn’t been sexually assaulted.”

The initial response from Chloe’s school was that the current teachings around respectful relationships and sex education were sufficient.

But Chloe, and many other students at the all-girls Catholic school were not convinced.

Showing maturity and determination, Chloe carried out research among students in her grade to get an insight into their own experiences and views on consent education.

The results were sobering.

Former Kambala student Chanel Contos started a petition that sparked a flood of sexual assault stories from young people. Picture: Hollie Adams

“Almost 40 per cent didn’t know if they had been assaulted and that stood out more than the girls who had been assaulted,” she said.

“If you don’t know, you are continuing to accept that behaviour.

“I feel like that puts those students at risk of it happening again and they probably aren‘t talking about it.

“They don’t feel like they are a survivor and that they have experienced sexual assault.”

With the backing of her year group, Chloe sent the results and an open letter arguing the case for better sex education to the school principle.

“I outlined what I thought was missing,” she said.

“I felt that the school did have some responsibility. It’s a question of consistency, parents have a major role but to have it consistent and in the depth and resources to facilitate it, the schools need to teach consent also.”

Within five minutes, she had an overwhelmingly positive response from the principal.

“The school was really good and we had a really positive response,” she said.

“Because of that, and through other girls coming forward, they opened up a conversation with the student body, and invited girls to come in and have a conversation with the deputy principal and school principal.”

Since Chloe took a stand, the school has hosted a staff teaching day, reviewed its current consent education offerings and started including respectful relationships in its pastoral program.

Echoing the views of other students and survivors who have spoken publicly in recent months, Chloe said relationship and sex education needed to be taught earlier and in more depth.

It also needed to cover topics like slut shaming, gender diversity, sexual coercion and common responses to rape, like fight, flight and freeze.

Asked how her parents felt about her taking on her school, she joked that initially they worried if the principal would hate her.

But in fact both were quite proud, she said.

Originally published as ‘I was tired of waiting’: sexual assault survivor changes consent education agenda at school