Ann Wason Moore: Size does matter in the modeling industry, bigger the better
Role models for women's body image are changing for the better, writes Ann Wason Moore.
Gold Coast
Don't miss out on the headlines from Gold Coast. Followed categories will be added to My News.
- 'Blindsided, betrayed and broken': Radio star's raw interview about why husband walked out
- Councillor Pauline Young reveals how family tragedy has put tree threats into perspective
SIZE does matter.
So thank God that here on the Gold Coast, bigger is better.
Or at least, it’s beginning to be.
As we celebrate the nominees, finalists and winners of the Bulletin’s Gold Coast Women of the Year Awards, I’m reminded that as much as we applaud their accomplishments, so many of us are still fighting an image problem.
And that image is the one reflected in the mirror.
I hate to bring it back to our shape and looks when it’s our minds and hearts that we can credit for our achievements, but our body is the elephant in the room. Figuratively, that is.
I grew up in the ’90s, a time when anything other than “waif” or “heroin chic” was considered plus-sized. A time when brunette hair was considered “diverse” in this city. A time when there was no fight against fat shaming … it was a simple case that if you were fat, you should be ashamed.
While I may now proudly fly the feminist flag, and while I well understand the diet of lies that I was fed, and while I know that less really is not more, it’s harder to lose that lesson than those notorious last five pounds.
And nothing makes me more aware of that than mothering a daughter.
Yet I know that I have it easier than many … after all, she and I are white, able-bodied and neurotypical. We don’t have to fight the big battles.
Still, I find myself watching my words like once I controlled my calories, trying to model a mentality that my mind does not always believe.
I try to praise both my body and hers, without making it weird … but also without making it too big of a deal.
I’m constantly second-guessing myself. Should I encourage her to eat healthy foods or just let her eat as her body feels? If I tell her she’s beautiful, is that building her confidence or placing too much emphasis on the physical?
How do I tell her not to worry about her size and shape (because she honestly has nothing to worry about), when I know she’s going to worry whatever her size and shape may be?
I feel like I’m surrounded by landmines, one false step and I’m going to blow her body – or her body image.
So thank goodness that where I fear to tread, society is slowly marching forward.
Miami Swim Week, the annual fashion show that traditionally featured blonde glamazons in tooth-floss, hit the headlines this week with catwalks that showcased women of all shapes, sizes, ages and abilities.
The Sports Illustrated show gave fans a taste of their annual swimsuit issue, and it seems that this year’s trends include cellulite, scars, lumps and bumps.
Meanwhile, Victoria’s Secret recently announced a cast of new “angels” that include American athlete Megan Rapinoe, actress and activist Priyanka Chopra Jonas and the brand’s first transgender model, Vanetina Sampaio.
It speaks to the fact that, despite our own inner doubts, diversity sells.
Just ask Nikki Mann, founder of the Gold Coast’s Everi-Body - a modelling agency whose mission is to diversify the industry so that every person can see themselves represented. And a model agency that’s booking major campaigns with fashion icons like Lorna Jane, Bonds and Myer.
She’s not just witnessing but writing history. And it’s a history that, for my daughter, will change her story.
“The world is changing. People are celebrating differences and it’s not just lip service - these models are getting booked solid and the products they’re selling are flying off the shelves,” says Nikki.
“We still have a ways to go … Sydney Fashion Week was a real disappointment, one of our models is a size 12 and she was the biggest girl in her show and considered “diverse”. That’s backwards.
“But here on the Gold Coast, we’re actually ahead of the game. We’re championing these girls and they’re getting so much love.”
And some of that love comes from me and my daughter. When we walk through Pacific Fair together, I can point out those models of different shapes, sizes and colours … and my daughter can believe me when I say that beauty is not one size fits all.
And sometimes, I can even believe it myself. Now that’s an achievement.
Cruel and nasty comments that went way too far
May 29, 2021
I’m not exactly Mother Theresa, but the effort that it takes for me to be rude to someone’s face is such that I simply cannot be bothered.
To yell at someone, to call them names … I just can’t.
Of course I get angry and upset but, unless you’re a call centre officer for a telco, I can manage to remember my manners.
I far prefer to laugh than cry, to smile than frown, to believe the best in someone than the worst, and to forgive rather than prosecute or persecute.
I’m not a saint, it just makes my life better. And while mine is an altruism born of laziness and selfishness, I’ll take that any day over the absolute ugliness displayed this weekend.
This paper published two big reads on two well known female figures, both of whom are navigating a difficult personal situation, and the response was, well, overwhelming.
First was the story of Hot Tomato presenter and mum of two Emily Jade O’Keeffe, who shared details of the break-up with her partner of 16 years.
With the headline of ‘blindsided, betrayed and broken’, readers didn’t need to analyse every word to understand this woman has had a bloody tough time.
But, judging by some comments on social media, it seems there’s no better time to kick someone than when they’re down.
Labelled an attention-seeker, blamed for the demise of her marriage, her parenting skills questioned … the arrows flew from all directions.
And what precisely was her crime? To dare document her own personal journey?
The irony of course is that in discussions with my own friends, many of whom have lived or are living through marriage breakups, Emily Jade’s story was a source of relief.
It helped them to know that they are not alone in the devastation they have felt, that no one is immune from that pain.
It helped them to see that while the road to recovery might be long and winding, there is beauty along the way.But more than anything, it helped relieve some of the shame and stigma that so many feel when a relationship breaks down.
The feeling of failure, the feeling of isolation, the feeling that everyone is secretly blaming you.
You know, all the feelings that these nasty people on social media decided to put in writing.
Just explain to me, please: how is this helpful? How does it make you feel better to criticise someone else? If you don’t like the story, how does it even affect your life?
And now let’s move on to example number two.
A story I wrote about Gold Coast Councillor Pauline Young.
I reached out to the Division 12 leader after being copied into a series of, frankly, harassing emails sent to her by a group of residents.
To balance the story, I sought Cr Young’s comments.During our interview, she explained that personal tragedy has helped her handle abuse from residents who are angry that she planted trees along Miami’s Marine Parade.
She said the sudden loss of her father helped her find a new source of inner strength and perspective.
While she told me this as a personal aside, I asked if I could include it in the story as I hoped readers would relate and it could help put these local problems into proportion.
I hoped to coax out some kindness, because in the grand scheme of life, are we really going to lose it over trees?
Instead, that story was met with comments such as this: “How pathetic for Pauline Young to intertwine a family tragedy with political blow back over tree planting complaints. She is milking it for all it is worth. Grow up! SHE SHOULD RESIGN NOW AND STAY OUT OF OUR BUSINESS IN NOBBY BEACH FOR GOOD!”
Aww, you shouldn’t have.
No, really, you shouldn’t have.
While I respect the right of residents to disagree and complain … this is not okay. And then there was this comment: “Public life is a choice and with that comes ratbags, threats and strong disagreement.”
Hmm, threats? Again, not okay.
What purpose does this nastiness serve? Does it repair Emily Jade’s marriage? Or your own? Does it remove trees? Does it bring back those we’ve lost?
Attack the argument by all means, but be kind to the person.
Previously: Mums have enough to do - they don't need to hear anyone else's opinion
Talk about a storm in a C-cup.
When Gold Coast mum Shannon Laverty posted online that staff at Pacific Fair “attempted to cancel a breastfeeding mama”, the outrage was immediate.
Ms Laverty said she was quietly feeding her three-week-old child in the midst of the shopping centre when her “jaw dropped” after a staff member asked her to move.
Indeed, she says the concierge staff told her there were parent rooms which supplied milk powder “so you don’t need to use your body”.
The mum of two said she refused to move three times, with the staff member insisting she would have to breastfeed somewhere else because “there are stores like Louis Vuitton and Gucci”.
A Pacific Fair spokesperson maintained the incident was a “misinterpretation”, but apologised and the centre has vowed to re-train staff.
Whether a ‘misinterpretation’ or complete mismanagement, the point is that mothering is not necessarily a feel-good job … and literally everyone has an opinion.
From the moment of conception, women are faced with a choose-your-own shaming adventure.
Did you conceive naturally or via IVF? Did you take all your vitamins/not touch a drop of alcohol/steer clear of cheese? Are you giving birth vaginally or by caesarean? Drugs or no drugs?
And it just. Does. Not. Stop.
The expectations placed on mothers are ridiculous, and the worst thing is that we so often do it to ourselves.
My oldest child is almost 14 years old, but thinking back to the anxiety of those baby days still makes me break out in a cold sweat.
I worried all the time whether I was doing it right and I felt almost competitive when talking to other mothers and comparing baby weights, growth, sleep/waking schedules and milestones.
It got to the point where I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t eat because I was so anxious that something would go wrong.
I would lay awake at night listening to my son’s breathing, yelling internally at myself to hurry up and fall asleep, damn it! (FYI, this technique is not conducive to sleep.)
I was on the edge of post-natal depression when, thank goodness, my son decided to start sleeping through the night and so did I. Equilibrium soon returned.
But the doubts continued. Was I a bad mum for letting him cry a little to self-settle? Should I let him sleep in our bed? Was I lazy for buying jars of baby food?
In fact, even when it comes to breastfeeding itself (which I did for 12 months per child), I still cringe when I hear the World Health Organisation’s slogan of ‘breast is best’.
Look, I get it. For decades women were told to formula feed despite there being distinct health advantages to breastfeeding … by all means let’s correct this disinformation, but let’s not couch it in terms of a competition.
Any woman who is not breastfeeding has a reason - she can’t or she doesn’t want to.
And that should be enough. Besides, let’s be honest. Show me any two adults and tell me you can identify which was breastfed … it’s not like formula babies are branded with a giant ‘F’ on their foreheads.
A dozen years down the line of motherhood (which I realise is just the blink of an eye) my own mothering mantra is simply this: do whatever works.
You want all the drugs during labour? Have at it! You want to feel every sensation instead? Good for you!
Feed with your boobs, drink your own breast milk, eat your placenta … whatever works for you is what will work for your child. And if that means you feel uncomfortable feeding in public, that’s okay too!
Nobody says you have to treat it like an exhibition sport … although again, if you want to, go right ahead.
But also, understand that sometimes what feels like shaming is in fact our own projection.
When you’re a mother fighting battles both inside and outside your head and your body, you’re constantly braced for an attack.
Still, I’m not convinced that what happened at Pacific Fair was a pure misinterpretation, but I also choose to believe it was not meant with malice - and the ready apology certainly demonstrates the right attitude.
But should I see any other mother anywhere suffering the same shaming, I’ll be by her side … as a true bosom buddy.
December 12: Saving Christmas for Gold Coast children
CHRISTMAS could be cancelled on the Coast this year.
While our city is in full festive season swing, with parties and events at full capacity thanks to our victory over coronavirus, the number of children going without gifts or even essentials is becoming its own pandemic.
With a number of major charity appeals no longer accepting public contributions due to COVID concerns, the supply of donations is shrinking even as demand is escalating.
Carly Fradgley is desperately trying to close that gap … but it’s going to take a Christmas miracle.
As the founder and CEO of Baby Give Back, a charity that works tirelessly to collect and safety check essential baby items donated or purchased for families who are referred via social service agencies, Carly specialises in creating hope … but even she is struggling to remain optimistic this year.
“This Christmas is going to be the first time we have to shut the doors of our warehouse without helping everyone on our list,” says Carly, a mum of two young children herself.
“Right now this is the most difficult Christmas we’ve ever seen. We have more families needing essentials than ever before. It’s been a brutal year for families on the Coast.
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“We started this year aiming to grow and help 200-250 kids per month by the end of 2020, but in November alone we helped 402 children. In our September quarter, we saw a 32 per cent increase in the number of children needing support versus the same quarter last year.
“Christmas is always a difficult time and so we do Christmas gifts to fill the gaps or help agencies on the fringe. Last year we were asked to provide gifts for 582 children, this year we’re already at 1349 children and we have been warned that the number is going to increase significantly in the coming weeks.
“Already we are at the tipping point of families on our radar that we can help. The fact is that one in six children on the Gold Coast are living in poverty. It’s so easy to think of the Coast as an affluent city with beautiful beaches and tourists, but the need is here. Domestic violence and homelessness are huge issues. What we see is only the tip of the iceberg.
“We never advertise our services because already we have case workers knocking down our door, asking for help for families that they support. I get messages every day saying ‘I know you’re on the brink but these kids need help’. I don’t know how I’m going to say no.
“2020 can’t be the year that Christmas is cancelled.”
Carly says cash donations are desperately needed to help local children, as well as donations of new gifts for teenagers, mums and dads.
She says Baby Give Back is focused on providing judgment-free support for the whole family.
“We believe in dignity and hope. We make sure every donation is beautifully packaged – prams come with teddy bears, toiletries for mums come with a note that says ‘you are worthy’, this is a true gift from the community, not just charity.
“We give these families what they deserve, not just what they would accept. It’s like what Michelle Obama says: ‘what we want for our children, is what we want for all children’.
“That might be one of the silver linings of COVID, actually. People are looking for connection and meaning and we are seeing an increase in volunteering and people wanting to commit long-term to helping those close to home.
“Giving is far more enjoyable than receiving, it’s addictive.”
Carly says she started Baby Give Back when her own children were aged three and one.
Realising she no longer needed her own expensive baby goods – cot, changing table, pram and more – she tried to give them away to her friends. But there were no takers.
Unable to throw away the costly items, she started a charity instead.
“At the time, a lot of my friends were pregnant but they didn’t want my stuff because they wanted to choose their own baby furniture. Op shops don’t really do baby items because it requires so much in the way of safety checks.
“I started doing some research and I came across St Kilda Mums in Melbourne on Facebook and I realised that charity model could be done here. Of course, I thought I’d just set it up in my garage but it just went crazy.
“I was still working part-time as a lawyer, plus with two little kids, it was pretty intense.
“But the need was there from the start, so I couldn’t let it go.”
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Since its inception in late 2016, Carly has been able to give up her day job thanks to a private charitable grant and dedicate herself full-time to Baby Give Back, but there still are not enough hours in the day.
She says her work regularly spills over into her own personal life, even affecting the way she parents her own children, now five and seven years old.
“My work as a lawyer has actually been really useful in setting up a successful charity. It has to be run like a business because passion is just not enough.
“I work a lot of hours. I hate that it takes me away from my own kids, but I make a real effort in teaching them and helping them to understand why Mum can’t always be there at pick-up.
“My seven-year-old is starting to get it, which makes me really proud.
“It really affects how we do Christmas as well. Even if I cut down their gift lists, they’re still going to get more than they need or want, I think that’s something every family removed from the poverty line experiences. It’s hard to stop.
“We really want to create a Baby Give Back school holiday program next year so that more kids can understand how lucky they are and how good it feels to help out.”
Carly says despite the mammoth Christmas task ahead of her, she has been helped by some amazing corporate elves on the Coast.
She says Little Scholars childcare founder Jae Fraser had recently partnered with the non-profit, pledging $15,000 in donations to help 120 children, as well as assistance to cope with the increase in demand from case workers.
As well as the cash donation, Little Scholars will donate 100 boxes of nappies each year, supply volunteer uniforms and host quarterly collection drives at centres.
“It all comes back to community in the end, watching our city connect really makes the hard work worthwhile,” says Carly.
“I have to admit that I’m completely burned out right now, I’m really bad at stopping and celebrating the wins but I’m so humbled by the support we have received.
“Every time things seem too difficult, something happens … a case worker calls to say what a difference we made, or we receive a donation from a family we once helped who are now able to give back themselves, or we partner with a local business and I realise, we’re really doing this.
“It’s super exhausting, but I feel incredibly lucky doing something so immediate and practical, especially this year. People search their whole lives for meaning and purpose.”
While that’s one thing Carly doesn’t need to add to her long list, she’s already feeling the pressure for 2021.
“I don’t think next year will be any easier.
“There will be no less demand and I think everyone is starting to suffer compassion fatigue.
“As much as I would love to see the end of this year, I won’t be staying up until midnight on December 31 … I know I’ll need all the sleep I can get.”
After all, it’s just another way for Carly to give back.
And she’s only too happy to cancel her New Year’s Eve if it means more children can keep their Christmas.
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