Southport Watchhouse receives hilarious online reviews
THE Southport Watchhouse has hosted some of the Gold Coast’s most infamous inmates, but it’s ‘not the worst’ accommodation in the city, according to hilarious online reviews of its amenities.
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IT HAS housed some of the most notorious inmates on the Gold Coast, and is often the last place you want to end up sleeping after a big night out on the town.
But, according to some online reviews, the Southport Watchhouse is “not the worst” accommodation in the city.
A number of former “guests” to the notorious establishment have decided to submit a Google review of their stay, detailing some of their first-world gripes including lack of bedding, cold showers and unsavoury food.
At the time of publication, the Southport Police Station and Watchhouse has a 2.2 out of 5 star rating, with 26 reviews.
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“Food is terrible, service is even worse,” wrote one user under the name Isabelle Marlor, who gave the watchhouse a 1 star rating.
“Showers only stay on for one minute at most and are push too [sic] start. My bed was three silver cushions on the floor.
“Worst hotel ever.”
Another reviewer who is known as “The General” was a little more forgiving, saying it was “better than a few backpacker hostels” he’s stayed in.
“Other than a few bed bugs and incessant yabbering [sic] bogans, I had an enjoyable stay,” he said.
“If you are going for an extended stay I recommend packing a sandwich.”
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Another man had some complaints about the “almost non-existent” room service available during his “unrelaxing weekend” at the watch house which he gave a two star rating.
“It took numerous times to buzz up reception to get the smallest of items like toilet paper and to clean up the blood on the floor,” the review said.
“Things didn’t improve when the light was left on constantly and I didn’t receive meals or a shower. I complained to management who said he’ll look into it.”
However another user, who has written 15 reviews and considers herself a “Local Guide” gave the watch-house a glowing 5-star rating with just one slight gripe.
“Food’s great and staff are lovely,” she said.
“Rooms could be bigger.”
Just around the corner, the Southport Courthouse fared a little better with Southport District Court getting four stars out of five from five reviews.
“The judges wigs are all grain fed, which gives them that shimmery bounce you expect from a big city Courthouse,” a user named Howler D wrote.
“The gowns are black silk, oozing with sophistication and beautifully fall off the shoulder every time the judge smacks his gavel.
“Will definitely be back (I am low socio economic and chances of re offending are over 82 per cent).”
The magistrates court, which is the same building as the higher court, was not quite as popular on Google, only managing a star rating of 3.4.
One review took to the website to complain about no one answering the phone during the court’s closure during the Christmas holidays.
Another reviewer left an expletive laden comment urging magistrates to impose tougher sentences.
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