‘I wanted to go back to my life’: Tessa James on her cancer battle, motherhood and her marriage to Nate Myles

Giving a rare insight into her relationship with former NRL star Nate Myles, Tessa James recalls the diagnosis that changed her life.

A decade on from her cancer diagnosis, Tessa James, now a mum of four, explains how the life-changing experience became a blessing.

Stellar: In February, you shared on Instagram that it’s been 10 years since you underwent six months of chemo after being diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma. You said you were “grateful for this journey and everything that came with it”. Grateful isn’t a word that many people would think of using when talking about cancer. Why that word?

Tessa James: Firstly, I’m extremely lucky to be here. There are a lot of people who aren’t. Ten years on, I’m grateful for the lesson it gave me and continues to give me.

Initially when I was diagnosed and going through chemotherapy – it’s an extremely traumatic time – you have so many people saying, “You’ll be grateful for this. You’ll be a better person for this.” I felt a lot of pressure, thinking: I have to come out of this a better person, I have to achieve this after.

Listen to the full interview with Tessa James on Something To Talk About:

‘I’m extremely lucky to be here!’ Tessa James has reflected on her cancer battle – and how it changed her life. Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

When I finished, I was a bit lost with that. I didn’t know where that was supposed to show up, and I was almost disappointed. I was like, I’m grateful to be here, but why do I not feel like I’m achieving more?

Only now since I’ve had my kids and [am] really settling into my life, I can see what that experience taught me. It’s what makes me, me. For a really long time, you almost push it away. You just want to put it behind you and get rid of it. Over the years, having [done] a lot of self work, it’s come up in such a positive way for me. I feel like I’m in a good place to share that with others.

That’s a powerful message, that it took a long time for you to get to that point. I was so young. I was 23 and I’d just got married. I was going to LA all the time. I had this career, I had a dream. I just wanted to get [treatment] over and done with so I could go back to my life.

That’s what got me through. That’s why I feel it’s important to share that I’m grateful for what it has given me – because I want people [facing down cancer] to almost surrender to that. It doesn’t have to immediately feel amazing.

You don’t have to be grateful for it initially. It will come up in other ways throughout your life. I’m careful when I say this, but if you get through it, it’s such a blessing.

The former Home And Away star is an ambassador to this year’s Witchery White Shirt Campaign. Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

Stellar: What are your memories of the impact the news of your diagnosis had on your loved ones, including your husband Nate Myles, at the time?

Tessa James: My dad had non-Hodgkin lymphoma two years prior. So when that happened with me, it was a huge shock. Everybody just latched on. We held on for dear life, basically.

It was a real juggle. My husband was the captain of the [Gold Coast Titans NRL] team, so he would have to take days off to come and sit with me. He was travelling all the time. I had to get people to come and look after me because I couldn’t drive and I just wasn’t functioning. In the beginning you get this flooding of people being like, “I’m so sorry”. But three months in, you’re still in that life. That’s your new reality. And everybody else has moved on with their life – which they should.

Listen to the full interview with Tessa James on Something To Talk About:

The best thing that was said to me is that everyone’s in this fast lane, and you’re just in the slow lane at the moment. I still remind myself of that analogy now, and also that time will pass. That’s really important to know. At 23, it’s very, very difficult

to know that. Because for most 23-year-olds, a week can be an eternity. On the other side, being so young was such a positive. I was so strong. I was youthful. I had a whole life ahead of me. I have four children and I didn’t freeze my eggs. I didn’t do anything like that. I’m extremely lucky to be in the position I’m in.

Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar

Because of your public profile as an actor on Home And Away and Neighbours, and Nate’s profile as the captain of an NRL team, your story attracted a lot of attention. Was it positive knowing there was a public outpouring of support, or were there times when you wished you could deal with it in private?

I had people like Delta Goodrem reach out to me. We were on the Gold Coast, my husband is a Queenslander – the bond there is so strong, and everybody was respectful and nurturing.

It was the best place I could have been at that time in my life for something like that to happen, because I was able to retreat.

I had the water and the heat and all those really good things. I didn’t feel any pressure either from anyone, which I was really grateful for.

‘We’re such a team!’ Nate Myles and Tessa James have been married for nearly 15 years.

You and Nate will celebrate your 15th wedding anniversary next year. Is it possible to imagine him as a person, and you as a couple, without what you’ve been through together with your health?

I said to him the other day, I wish we could get married now because I feel like I really know you. I didn’t know you then and you didn’t know me. It was just pure love.

We’re such a team. We’re in the trenches in the season we’re in now. We have four kids: seven, four, three, and almost one. He’s my ride or die. We have a fluid life. He goes away a lot. I travel a lot. To have that amount of children, I think you really have to have each other’s back.

Listen to the full interview with Tessa James on Something To Talk About:

When did you start to feel you were getting back into the fast lane?

I’m really driven. I want to do things a hundred million miles an hour. After I’d finished chemo, I was straight back to LA.

I just wanted to go, go, go, go, and my children have been the greatest gift. What I went through has really helped me with being able to enjoy being their mum.

Becoming a mum is a lot. What happened to me is something that a lot of women go through all day, every day, but I think it maybe took the edge off being a mum a little bit. I had these tools that I was able to use to go forward in that.

It has given me such a gift to be able to share with other people, to help them through their journey. I’ve only really just come into that in the last couple of years. It’s been so lovely. It’s like all these little dots are just kind of making sense.

This year you’re an ambassador for the Witchery White Shirt Campaign, which raises funds for the Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation. Given your own experience with cancer, I’d love your insights on how women can become more comfortable about speaking up about their bodies and trusting their instincts, even when they’re told everything is fine.

It’s really hard to find time to go to the doctor or check yourself. Sometimes it’s just hard to have a shower! It’s really important for women to talk about things – and if you don’t feel right, then making time to go to the doctor. And if you have to take all the kids, take all the kids.

Having someone like you involved in the campaign is so powerful, because complacency, I imagine, would be a bit of a foreign concept to you in terms of health.

I have a really good understanding of my body. I’m really in tune with myself and I’ve done a lot of work to be that way. I know this probably sounds silly, but I almost think of myself as an athlete would, because I think to look after this village of people, I’ve got to be at my best.

That’s a great visual: treating yourself as an athlete.

My husband will laugh at that! He’ll be like, what Olympics are we training for today?

A few years ago, you launched the interior design studio AKI Design with your mum and sister, creating spaces for high-end residential and commercial projects. You also recently launched a Substack called The Art Of Living By Tessa James. Where does acting fit into your to-do list now?

It’s something I’ll love forever. It’s ingrained in me. It’s a huge part of my life and it has given me and continues to give me so much, through the people I have met and the things I’ve been able to experience. I don’t know. Never say never. I’m sure if and when it’s ready, it might come back into my life, but I don’t have any pressure around it at all like I used to. I’m very content and very happy with the phase of life that I’m in now.

For every Witchery White Shirt sold between this Tuesday and May 8, Witchery will donate 100 per cent of gross proceeds to the Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation.

See the full cover shoot with Tessa James in Stellar today – inside The Sunday Telegraph (NSW), Sunday Herald Sun (VIC), The Sunday Mail (QLD) and Sunday Mail (SA).

For more from Stellar and the podcast, Something To Talk About, click here.

Originally published as ‘I wanted to go back to my life’: Tessa James on her cancer battle, motherhood and her marriage to Nate Myles